I am sitting here letting the turmoil of my life settle around me as I try to feel the peace of another Sabbath day. I love Sundays--a day of rest. It is a day I don't have to go anywhere or do anything. I go to church and take in the sweet spirit of worship and leave feeling renewed for the week. I stay at home with my family and enjoy the peacefulness within the confines of my home.
I remember Sundays as a kid. They were the longest day of the week. They were what I called 'can't' days. "I can't go boating with my friends," or "I can't have a sleep over on Saturday night." But I seem to have forgotten all the things I could do--I could play board games with my dad (which I loved to do). I could make cookies with my sister. I could practice my violin all day and not get yelled at by my mom for not doing something else. I could go visit my neighbor from Denmark, bug her, and stay out of my mom's hair for a while (I am sure my mom would have loved it if I had stayed over at her house all Sunday afternoon).
Now it is a time for filling my personal well so I can share the water with others throughout my week.What's this 'well' I talk of? It is an inner peace each of us finds to help us make it through the week and face the challenges we have thrown at us in life. In this well are thoughts, sayings, songs, and maybe scriptures we hear that build up our happiness. Sometimes it's our friends or loved ones who help with these things. Other times, it's getting away from it all and unwinding. It's no longer taking away from our reserves of 'water' but adding to it. Reading, sleeping, listening, praying, mediating, and counting our blessings are all ways to replenish the shortage.
I often joke with my kids when things are all out of sorts, that I need to 'balance the chi.' I feel I am working against the order of things. I haven't had my Blessed Sunday with peace and worship to help fill up my spiritual well. Other times when chaos rains, I've even said, 'I need to find the chi!' I really hate those days since I know they're spinning out of control and I need to step back and put my priorities in place.
For me, putting them in place means Sabbath Worship and all that it entails; fill my cup until it runneth over; share the cup with others so their burdens are light also; and try to keep the World's turmoil at bay as I balance my chi and move forward one Blessed Sunday at a time.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Just Say No
"No." That little word in the English language is really hard to say. It is only two letters, yet it is hard to spit out. So many things are thrown at us--choices, decisions, obligations--but we don't want anyone to feel we are unable to preform, so we say "Yes!." Then, comes the dread, irritation, panic, anger, or sometimes fear at what we have done, all because we can't do what we said in the amount of time we have to do it in. Do we blame others for it? Blame ourselves?
I used to ask my kids all the time--"What part of NO don't you understand? The 'N' or the 'O' ?"
I think we need to ask ourselves this very same question. If we did this, maybe we wouldn't get ourselves into situations that sap our strength--both mental and physical.
It has taken me years to learn to TRY and not volunteer for everything. I love to help and people know this. They will always come and ask for help on things. I'm famous for biting off more than I can chew and my dear husband or son is always having to bail me out.
In my younger days, after being first diagnosed with MS, I had quite a bit of energy. I would be the first mother to volunteer for my kids' school functions, class field trips, be the room mother, and rush to the school if the teacher needed help. I remember one field trip to the zoo in the hot sun where it was all I could do to drag myself to the bus when the day was over. I slept with all the kids on the way back home. It was hard not to sign the forms that went around. By the time my kids were in high school, my support was attending their functions.
Just this past month, I had a chance to use that little word and I'm so glad I did. I'm the Vice President for the Master Gardener Association in our county. I'm also on the board of our church young women's group. Plus at this time, I am getting ready for my daughter's wedding. Ok, now think holidays.
I am working with the MG Board on their Winter Social. I let them know I'm busy with my daughter's wedding and can't do much so put me on a little job. No problem. That's done. The church YW board needs one person to help with the big church party. Everyone looks at me. I tell them flat out NO! I have a wedding at the end of Dec, a community Christmas party (MG thing), and holidays with company. NO way. [Whew, I said it]. So they find someone else.
I have felt guilty about saying no for weeks. I have been thinking maybe I could have squeezed it in. Maybe I could have taken a nap or two during the day and not have been as tired. I am sure you know all abut the blame game.
Well, here is where I'm glad I said no to the church. Ten days ago, we had a death of one of the head honchos involved with the MG Board. The Pres. of the MG Board had scheduled her vacation during the date of the Winter Social and wouldn't be there. Another head person running the Social found out her niece moved up her wedding two weeks, so she will be gone. AND, to add fuel to this blazing inferno, another head person's husband's surgery just got moved up. You guessed it--to the day of the Social. So, I'm suddenly NOT doing a little job but helping to run this whole thing.
What if I hadn't said no? I am sure I would have survived. We all do when we get ourselves into situations of our own making. Things probably would have slipped. I'm sure my health would have suffered. I, also, know I would have turned into what my family calls 'the Wicked Witch of the West.' My husband AND son would have been called on to help with items requiring them to put aside their own lives and schedules. All around, me saying 'no' was a life-saver. family-saver, and a sanity-saver,
You might say I do understand the 'N" and the 'O'--it is a much needed life-preserver.
I used to ask my kids all the time--"What part of NO don't you understand? The 'N' or the 'O' ?"
I think we need to ask ourselves this very same question. If we did this, maybe we wouldn't get ourselves into situations that sap our strength--both mental and physical.
It has taken me years to learn to TRY and not volunteer for everything. I love to help and people know this. They will always come and ask for help on things. I'm famous for biting off more than I can chew and my dear husband or son is always having to bail me out.
In my younger days, after being first diagnosed with MS, I had quite a bit of energy. I would be the first mother to volunteer for my kids' school functions, class field trips, be the room mother, and rush to the school if the teacher needed help. I remember one field trip to the zoo in the hot sun where it was all I could do to drag myself to the bus when the day was over. I slept with all the kids on the way back home. It was hard not to sign the forms that went around. By the time my kids were in high school, my support was attending their functions.
Just this past month, I had a chance to use that little word and I'm so glad I did. I'm the Vice President for the Master Gardener Association in our county. I'm also on the board of our church young women's group. Plus at this time, I am getting ready for my daughter's wedding. Ok, now think holidays.
I am working with the MG Board on their Winter Social. I let them know I'm busy with my daughter's wedding and can't do much so put me on a little job. No problem. That's done. The church YW board needs one person to help with the big church party. Everyone looks at me. I tell them flat out NO! I have a wedding at the end of Dec, a community Christmas party (MG thing), and holidays with company. NO way. [Whew, I said it]. So they find someone else.
I have felt guilty about saying no for weeks. I have been thinking maybe I could have squeezed it in. Maybe I could have taken a nap or two during the day and not have been as tired. I am sure you know all abut the blame game.
Well, here is where I'm glad I said no to the church. Ten days ago, we had a death of one of the head honchos involved with the MG Board. The Pres. of the MG Board had scheduled her vacation during the date of the Winter Social and wouldn't be there. Another head person running the Social found out her niece moved up her wedding two weeks, so she will be gone. AND, to add fuel to this blazing inferno, another head person's husband's surgery just got moved up. You guessed it--to the day of the Social. So, I'm suddenly NOT doing a little job but helping to run this whole thing.
What if I hadn't said no? I am sure I would have survived. We all do when we get ourselves into situations of our own making. Things probably would have slipped. I'm sure my health would have suffered. I, also, know I would have turned into what my family calls 'the Wicked Witch of the West.' My husband AND son would have been called on to help with items requiring them to put aside their own lives and schedules. All around, me saying 'no' was a life-saver. family-saver, and a sanity-saver,
You might say I do understand the 'N" and the 'O'--it is a much needed life-preserver.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Change
I woke up the other morning to the world blanketed in white. I knew it was coming but was disappointed none-the-less. I love Fall with the colorful leaves, the crisp mornings, and the warm, sunny days. This year, we actually had a nice, long Fall. Days were unusually warm, so I enjoyed every minute of it. But, of course, as I was enjoying my favorite season and relishing in the fantastic weather, I knew Old Man Winter was right around the corner bringing the change of cold weather, icy roads, and the white stuff that layers the ground I walk on.
Change is hard for all of us at times. My last post had a possible change looming before me. I had quite the ride studying information but wanted to be informed when I went for the visit with my neurologist. I wanted to be ready for the change. I was actually relieved to find I didn't have to change and my life could go on as before.
But this last scare got me thinking about other changes in life. During the past couple months, I've had changes to my eye site, changes to my family (my daughter is getting married), changes to my income, and changes to our vehicles. While these are minor, it still got me thinking.
What do changes do to us? Do we get upset and stressed out? Or do we go along with the flow? I'm guilty of getting stressed out. I like things to go according to plan. I absolutely hate a wrench being thrown in to my neatly organized life.
A few years ago, I was involved with the girls in my church group. We would plan activities, and I'd keep a calendar with all the ideas the girls came up with. Now, we all know teens don't keep things according to schedule. They show up late, over plan, and have their own agenda. I know that and should have gone with the flow. But I was highly stressed out when things didn't go as we'd planned. I had an assistant who was the best thing for me and turned out to become a very good friend. She taught me to just go with things, accept changes to the schedule, and don't let things like this stress me out. She had a calming influence on me throughout this whole experience.
Change happens to all of us. It's inevitable. It's how we handle it that makes us who we are. Years ago, at my first full-time job, I went into my boss' office and I announced, "We have a huge problem." He looked at me and clarified, "No, we have a situation." I was young, fresh out of college and an English major, and flippantly replied, "There really isn't a difference in those two if you were to look them up in the thesaurus." "True, but when people hear 'problem,' they think bad things and don't want to change it. When they hear 'situation,' they think of a dilemma or quandary and immediately start thinking of solutions to change it. So we never say 'problem'." He proceeded to ask me about my 'situation' and then, he gave me another wise bit of advice "Will it matter in 100 years?"
After I left his office, I thought about those two bits of advice--"Situations instead of problems" and "Will it matter in 100 years?" I must say I've used those when changes have come -- moving to a new state and leaving everything behind; going on a new MS medication; who to vote for in a presidential election; what house to buy; whether to forgive a person who has offended me; whether to eat that extra piece of key lime pie :) ; and the list goes on.
Change is hard no matter what our circumstance or what the situation is. Life is full of it. I think it is how we handle that change which defines our character. I have made strides on not stressing out over every little change that comes into my organized life. I have found I kind of like life a little randomized. I thank my old boss for his advice and my friend for 'go-with-the-flow' attitude and teaching me change is what happens. I need to learn to love each season as it comes. And maybe so do you.
But this last scare got me thinking about other changes in life. During the past couple months, I've had changes to my eye site, changes to my family (my daughter is getting married), changes to my income, and changes to our vehicles. While these are minor, it still got me thinking.
What do changes do to us? Do we get upset and stressed out? Or do we go along with the flow? I'm guilty of getting stressed out. I like things to go according to plan. I absolutely hate a wrench being thrown in to my neatly organized life.
A few years ago, I was involved with the girls in my church group. We would plan activities, and I'd keep a calendar with all the ideas the girls came up with. Now, we all know teens don't keep things according to schedule. They show up late, over plan, and have their own agenda. I know that and should have gone with the flow. But I was highly stressed out when things didn't go as we'd planned. I had an assistant who was the best thing for me and turned out to become a very good friend. She taught me to just go with things, accept changes to the schedule, and don't let things like this stress me out. She had a calming influence on me throughout this whole experience.
Change happens to all of us. It's inevitable. It's how we handle it that makes us who we are. Years ago, at my first full-time job, I went into my boss' office and I announced, "We have a huge problem." He looked at me and clarified, "No, we have a situation." I was young, fresh out of college and an English major, and flippantly replied, "There really isn't a difference in those two if you were to look them up in the thesaurus." "True, but when people hear 'problem,' they think bad things and don't want to change it. When they hear 'situation,' they think of a dilemma or quandary and immediately start thinking of solutions to change it. So we never say 'problem'." He proceeded to ask me about my 'situation' and then, he gave me another wise bit of advice "Will it matter in 100 years?"
After I left his office, I thought about those two bits of advice--"Situations instead of problems" and "Will it matter in 100 years?" I must say I've used those when changes have come -- moving to a new state and leaving everything behind; going on a new MS medication; who to vote for in a presidential election; what house to buy; whether to forgive a person who has offended me; whether to eat that extra piece of key lime pie :) ; and the list goes on.
Change is hard no matter what our circumstance or what the situation is. Life is full of it. I think it is how we handle that change which defines our character. I have made strides on not stressing out over every little change that comes into my organized life. I have found I kind of like life a little randomized. I thank my old boss for his advice and my friend for 'go-with-the-flow' attitude and teaching me change is what happens. I need to learn to love each season as it comes. And maybe so do you.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Peace
It has been a while since I have sat here spilling my inner-self. The roller coaster called Life is flying by with me hanging on gasping at each peak and laughing at each plummeting gorge. But the laughing has stopped suddenly this past week and changed to reflection and observation.
For those who don't believe in Deity or a higher power, this post may be hard for you to grasp. But I want you to understand that I believe in Him. I find it hard that you don't. Just like you probably find it hard to believe I do. It is the way we both think, I guess, and I hope you don't take offense.
Just walk outside and look around. The planet is full of God's creations. The full moon that rose last night, shining on the Earth, is highlighting every living thing. The smallest insect with its tiny lace-like wings; the maple leaf with its five distinct fingers, the five large veins running up them and branching off into smaller veins (in the fall, maple leaves usually have the brightest, most beautiful, colors for running, jumping in, and, of course, crunching); the mountains, with their snow-capped peaks; the deserts, with the Joshua tree forests; the oceans that go on and on; these are all of God's master pieces--as well as you and me.
I've often wondered how people deal with heartache, grief, pain, fear, the unknown, and even the future without the peace and understanding Deity brings--no matter what the belief is.
Those of us with chronic illnesses know there is really no set cure for what ails us. Good nutrition, exercise, a healthy lifestyle, and a good relationship with your doctors are the best thing we can do to help fight our battle. If we have a few years of a great medicine, take it for what it is--a blessing. But know that things can and probably will change.
That was the hardest thing for me to deal with when I was first diagnosed. I always thought there was a pill for every ailment. Was I ever wrong! During these past 16 1/2 years I have been on 4 different specific MS medications. Now it looks like I'm moving to a fifth. I'm thankful there is a fifth. When I was diagnosed, there was only three.
Now, I'm studying my options. But studying isn't going to tell me everything. I don't like to go eeni meeni miini moh and choose one. I study; I listen to my doctor; I study some more; and then I pray. I need to feel at peace with my decision. That is how I decided to go on to Tysabri. The drug had a black box warning--meaning people had died using it. Was I scared to go on it? When my doctor first approached me I told him no way! But then I did the steps above and felt a calm come over me. All fears where removed. I KNEW I would be okay. Just like now, I still KNOW I will be okay--whether I have to go off Tysabri or not. I will be okay.
I can't tell you how the peace feels until you have experienced it for yourself, but I KNOW what it feels like. I wouldn't want to be without it. I wouldn't want to look at all my medical options and say--Hmmmm, I think I will choose THAT one. I'm glad for this ride called Life. I'm glad in my car there is my husband of 22 years, and he supports me. But I'm also glad I have my Lord with me, too. He makes the ride more calming, so I'm not screaming as I'm riding with this illness called MS.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Things That Matter
For several days, I've been thinking of my little family's circumstances, and what a trip it's been. I've learned a little about myself (good and bad) and realized I'm overall a happy person who's been very blessed. Life is good, but it's also what I make of it.
My husband was let go from his 'great' job almost two years ago and with it went many things we were used to--health insurance (which for me has been the hardest blow); a steady paycheck (you can imagine everything that pays for); and the little things we took for granted: vacations, movies, dining, etc. And like many others in this terrible economy, he has yet to find a "normal" job.
I'm not writing this to create or have a pity party but to let you know it's made us aware what really matters in times like these. To maybe make you, also, step back a little and think about your life, no matter your circumstances and see what is most meaningful.
I remembered telling a friend of mine here I was in my forties and starting life over. It's kind of like when I finished college. I had nothing then, too. She reminded me I still had my home, and when I left college, all I had was a beat up old car. I did see the humor in that.
My reminiscing sent me way back to to my wedding day. It was a disaster in all ways. A brief run down--luggage lost; rings missing, found ruined; ceremony time had to moved 3 hours since marriage license also went missing; cake top shattered; sisters arrested by over-zealous traffic cop and had to be bailed out with honeymoon cash; one of wedding speakers talked for 45 minutes causing one of the groomsmen to faint from exhaustion (it did help shut the man up, lol); and those were just a few of the highlights. But only one thing mattered. I was married to the man I loved.
So, I've been thinking of what IS it that matters? Certainly not the stuff we sold these past two years to make ends meet; not the items we lost at the wedding. Stuff is never important. It can always be replaced. Of course, it seems so at the time--the modern car with all the bells and whistles; a cool, new DVD coming out next week; the beautiful outfit in the mall window; or a must-have shoes everyone at school has. But there are other places to get those things cheaper, and, most of the time, we really don't need them. Think about it, renting a movie IS cheaper than buying it, and then the movie doesn't sit on your shelf for years gathering dust.
Things that matter to me:
1-A husband who does the laundry, so I don't have to climb the stairs (with MS and this brace on my leg, stairs are a killer).
2-A son who planted my garden, so I could have fresh tomatoes this year (and win blue ribbons with those tomatoes at the County Fair).
3-A daughter who comes home from college with a smile and helps me clean the hard places I can't reach.
4-A future son-in-law who takes care of my daughter who is away at college.
5-A home to live in.
6-MS drug companies who work with me to help me get the medications I need even without insurance to help with my MS.
And the list goes on. I have a little journal I keep a list of things I'm thankful for in, and I try to keep it current. Now, I'm adding things that matter to me because the line is very thin between what's important and thankfulness. I truly believe greed and selfishness lead to unhappiness. The more we dwell on what we don't have (our have-nots), we found ourselves in the 'pit of despair.' [Princess Bride]
So as you go about your day, look around you. See what you have and ask yourself--Does It Matter? If your are about to buy something or do something big or expensive, ask yourself--Is This Important to Me (or my family)? One never knows what you may find on this little journey you take.
My husband was let go from his 'great' job almost two years ago and with it went many things we were used to--health insurance (which for me has been the hardest blow); a steady paycheck (you can imagine everything that pays for); and the little things we took for granted: vacations, movies, dining, etc. And like many others in this terrible economy, he has yet to find a "normal" job.
I'm not writing this to create or have a pity party but to let you know it's made us aware what really matters in times like these. To maybe make you, also, step back a little and think about your life, no matter your circumstances and see what is most meaningful.
I remembered telling a friend of mine here I was in my forties and starting life over. It's kind of like when I finished college. I had nothing then, too. She reminded me I still had my home, and when I left college, all I had was a beat up old car. I did see the humor in that.
My reminiscing sent me way back to to my wedding day. It was a disaster in all ways. A brief run down--luggage lost; rings missing, found ruined; ceremony time had to moved 3 hours since marriage license also went missing; cake top shattered; sisters arrested by over-zealous traffic cop and had to be bailed out with honeymoon cash; one of wedding speakers talked for 45 minutes causing one of the groomsmen to faint from exhaustion (it did help shut the man up, lol); and those were just a few of the highlights. But only one thing mattered. I was married to the man I loved.
So, I've been thinking of what IS it that matters? Certainly not the stuff we sold these past two years to make ends meet; not the items we lost at the wedding. Stuff is never important. It can always be replaced. Of course, it seems so at the time--the modern car with all the bells and whistles; a cool, new DVD coming out next week; the beautiful outfit in the mall window; or a must-have shoes everyone at school has. But there are other places to get those things cheaper, and, most of the time, we really don't need them. Think about it, renting a movie IS cheaper than buying it, and then the movie doesn't sit on your shelf for years gathering dust.
Things that matter to me:
1-A husband who does the laundry, so I don't have to climb the stairs (with MS and this brace on my leg, stairs are a killer).
2-A son who planted my garden, so I could have fresh tomatoes this year (and win blue ribbons with those tomatoes at the County Fair).
3-A daughter who comes home from college with a smile and helps me clean the hard places I can't reach.
4-A future son-in-law who takes care of my daughter who is away at college.
5-A home to live in.
6-MS drug companies who work with me to help me get the medications I need even without insurance to help with my MS.
And the list goes on. I have a little journal I keep a list of things I'm thankful for in, and I try to keep it current. Now, I'm adding things that matter to me because the line is very thin between what's important and thankfulness. I truly believe greed and selfishness lead to unhappiness. The more we dwell on what we don't have (our have-nots), we found ourselves in the 'pit of despair.' [Princess Bride]
So as you go about your day, look around you. See what you have and ask yourself--Does It Matter? If your are about to buy something or do something big or expensive, ask yourself--Is This Important to Me (or my family)? One never knows what you may find on this little journey you take.
Sunday, July 29, 2012
North Side of the Mountain
In Bulgaria, a shipbuilding company has this statement in its advertisement: “All our timber comes from the north side of the mountain.” Why the north side? What does that have to do with timber?
The best timber grows on the north side of the mountain because of the rigors of Mother Nature. The snow is deeper; the cold is colder; the wind is stiffer; and the sun is not as warm as the south side of the mountain. The harshness of the weather is a contributing factor to the toughness of the timber. So this is why this shipbuilding company uses this timber—it is an adding factor to its hardness. It can hold up to the extreme conditions the seas have to offer.
My in-laws told me this story from their travels in Europe. I thought it interesting in my own life. What 'rigors' do I put up with in life and do they make me a 'tougher' person, or do I collapse under the first sign of the trouble Mother Nature throws my way?
I know when I was first diagnosed with MS I really did collapse. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into my hole some where and die. Then, I decided since my little three-year girl and six-month old boy wouldn't let me do that, I would wheel-and-deal with the Man Upstairs.
Now, any one who is religious of any kind, whether Christian, Jewish, Muslim, or what have you, know the Guy does not make deals. We are sent here to follow and learn. So this wheeling-and-dealing was to no good. But I must say at the time, I did feel better--momentarily. Then, I became angry and bitter He wasn't listening to my deal making.
Little did I know, all this was what I now call 'weathering.' I was being subjected to the rigors of Mother Nature. I have battled the snow--relapses where I've had to learn to write and type all over again. The wind--relearning to walk and adjust my driving all over again. The cold--losing feeling in parts of my body where now it is just constant tingling and having to learn to use that again.
And with each step of the 'weathering,' I have become a more compassionate and patient person. I have more empathy for my neighbor. I see things with different eyes.
I have doctors' asking me if they could have patients call me and talk to me about my experiences since they have patients swallowed in self-pity. Some call, some don't.
For me, summer is the brutal time of the year. About three weeks ago, I was pulling 'a' weed and took a good fall. I am taking longer to pull out of this slump than I used to do. The wind that is blowing this time is a stiff gale and is making me question even my Maker's weathering techniques. But I think in this, I need to slow down.
I have been on the go, go, go since the first green sprig poked its head out of the ground in early March. So I have had time to smell my flowers, taste my tomatoes, watch my grass grow (and die, hahaha) and realize He is making my piece of timber a bit stronger and a bit more weathered. I am still going through my 'rigors' of Mother Nature and probably will be until I die.
Who knows? Maybe there is something more this stubborn old tree needs to learn and another sapling I need to help out before we both break in the next gale-force wind that blows down from the North Side of the Mountain.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
The Little Things 2
Yesterday I worked hard at preserving another year's crop of berries and cherries for my family to enjoy for the following months. Today, I am paying the price of my burst of energy.
It seems to be that way for me. I have a lot of energy and spend it all on the things I love to do. Then, the following day or two, I spend that sitting around recovering.
I used to get mad at myself for doing that--wasting all my energy. But now I look at what I have accomplished and take delight in the things I have been able to do.
Just recently, I had a friend approach me with the devastating news her fiancee is going through--the process of being diagnosed with MS. She had a million questions on what were 'they' going to do. For one, I appreciated her always saying 'they' and not 'him' or 'me.' Her fiancee will certainly need all the support she can give him. One of the concerns we talked about were all the 'little things' they may not be able to do anymore. She was focusing on the negative side of it. And I can see why with that first diagnosis and so unsure where this unknown path is taking them. I have been there, traveled it, still trudging along, and still noticing the little things.
So this post is for her and all those out there worried about little things. But I am going to focus on the positive side. It is all about adapting, moving things around, going with the flow, and appreciating those the things you love to do even if you have to do them with baby steps.
I love to spend time in the outdoors. Hiking, camping, fishing, hunting, canoeing, gardening, you name it; I love to do it. When I was younger, my family and I would take 7-mile hike back into the Bob Marshal Wilderness of Montana and spend a week at a time living out of a tent, cooking all of our meals over an open fire, fish for food we couldn't pack in our big packs, and enjoy what Mother Nature had to offer. I so wanted to do that with my family when I got older and was lucky to marry a man who hiked and hunted along side me.
With my diagnosis and the issues this disease brings, I've had to make adaptations. I still camp. I've now graduated to a trailer with a bathroom since a tent and a port-a-potty doesn't work well with my son and all his boyhood buddies tagging along. Plus,with balance issues, tripping over holes in the ground makes for interesting issues there, too. Mind you, it has been a 16-year gradual change.
I still canoe and the laughing that comes with getting in and out of the thing creates great campfire stories for years to come. But the smooth ride across the lakes is a great thing! I still have the arm power for slicing through the water and making the canoe glide with ease.
Fishing is great! I'm able (due to my disability) to have a lifetime free fishing permit. I also am able to drive up to a lot of lakes or streams and park closer than most people can. But who needs to fish on the shore when you have a canoe!
Also, I have a pass that allows me free entrance into any National Park and reduced camping fees at all National Parks. http://www.nps.gov/findapark/passes.htm . We use this a lot during spring and fall, which are the cool times and makes it great for me to go hiking. Now, I am not going on any 7-milers in the outback. Haha. But I do small 1/2-1 milers, sometimes walking with my cane and sometimes being pushed along in my wheelchair. Sometimes, I do both--walk there, get pushed back. I think my favorite hikes were the ones we took along the Historic Columbia River Highway in Oregon and hiked to all the waterfalls along there. We ended with the Multnomah Falls, which was spectacular! That hike took me lots of rests to get there, and lots of people shoved past, but it was worth it. http://www.fs.usda.gov/detail/crgnsa/home/?cid=STELPRDB5139466
My family at one of the many falls. A timed-photo--say cheese!
This is Avalanche Gorge on the Trail of the Cedars in Glacier National Park. A trail accessible for disabled hikers. http://www.glacierhikers.com/trail-of-cedars.html
Photo by Rick Segeberg
When we moved to Utah from the Big Sky country of Montana, my hunting days were over. Too many hunters and not enough deer. So, I didn't miss it too much when MS limited my balance and walking. I do crave good venison occasionally, though.
I still garden and this it where I do myself in. Heat in UT is brutal so I have acquired a cooling vest. I go out early morning since the evenings do not cool down. I no longer have a 1000 sq. ft veggie garden but am working on getting a few raised beds so I can do more. I have flowers, all sorts of fruit trees, grapes and berries to keep me happy.
Moral of my story, adapt. Keep plugging away. Look at all the little things around you and what you CAN do. Not at the little things you CAN'T do. When you start going down that road, it is hard to come back.
Just recently, I had a friend approach me with the devastating news her fiancee is going through--the process of being diagnosed with MS. She had a million questions on what were 'they' going to do. For one, I appreciated her always saying 'they' and not 'him' or 'me.' Her fiancee will certainly need all the support she can give him. One of the concerns we talked about were all the 'little things' they may not be able to do anymore. She was focusing on the negative side of it. And I can see why with that first diagnosis and so unsure where this unknown path is taking them. I have been there, traveled it, still trudging along, and still noticing the little things.
So this post is for her and all those out there worried about little things. But I am going to focus on the positive side. It is all about adapting, moving things around, going with the flow, and appreciating those the things you love to do even if you have to do them with baby steps.
I love to spend time in the outdoors. Hiking, camping, fishing, hunting, canoeing, gardening, you name it; I love to do it. When I was younger, my family and I would take 7-mile hike back into the Bob Marshal Wilderness of Montana and spend a week at a time living out of a tent, cooking all of our meals over an open fire, fish for food we couldn't pack in our big packs, and enjoy what Mother Nature had to offer. I so wanted to do that with my family when I got older and was lucky to marry a man who hiked and hunted along side me.
With my diagnosis and the issues this disease brings, I've had to make adaptations. I still camp. I've now graduated to a trailer with a bathroom since a tent and a port-a-potty doesn't work well with my son and all his boyhood buddies tagging along. Plus,with balance issues, tripping over holes in the ground makes for interesting issues there, too. Mind you, it has been a 16-year gradual change.
I still canoe and the laughing that comes with getting in and out of the thing creates great campfire stories for years to come. But the smooth ride across the lakes is a great thing! I still have the arm power for slicing through the water and making the canoe glide with ease.
Fishing is great! I'm able (due to my disability) to have a lifetime free fishing permit. I also am able to drive up to a lot of lakes or streams and park closer than most people can. But who needs to fish on the shore when you have a canoe!
Also, I have a pass that allows me free entrance into any National Park and reduced camping fees at all National Parks. http://www.nps.gov/findapark/passes.htm . We use this a lot during spring and fall, which are the cool times and makes it great for me to go hiking. Now, I am not going on any 7-milers in the outback. Haha. But I do small 1/2-1 milers, sometimes walking with my cane and sometimes being pushed along in my wheelchair. Sometimes, I do both--walk there, get pushed back. I think my favorite hikes were the ones we took along the Historic Columbia River Highway in Oregon and hiked to all the waterfalls along there. We ended with the Multnomah Falls, which was spectacular! That hike took me lots of rests to get there, and lots of people shoved past, but it was worth it. http://www.fs.usda.gov/detail/crgnsa/home/?cid=STELPRDB5139466
My family at one of the many falls. A timed-photo--say cheese!
Photo by Rick Segeberg
When we moved to Utah from the Big Sky country of Montana, my hunting days were over. Too many hunters and not enough deer. So, I didn't miss it too much when MS limited my balance and walking. I do crave good venison occasionally, though.
I still garden and this it where I do myself in. Heat in UT is brutal so I have acquired a cooling vest. I go out early morning since the evenings do not cool down. I no longer have a 1000 sq. ft veggie garden but am working on getting a few raised beds so I can do more. I have flowers, all sorts of fruit trees, grapes and berries to keep me happy.
Moral of my story, adapt. Keep plugging away. Look at all the little things around you and what you CAN do. Not at the little things you CAN'T do. When you start going down that road, it is hard to come back.
Monday, June 18, 2012
The Little Things
Last Friday, my husband, Rick, and I were sitting in the stands watching a minor league baseball game. We were trying to remember the last time we had gone to a game, where we had sat, what we had ate, and decided it was way too long, since we couldn't remember any of it. Surely, it wasn't that long? Wasn't it just last season? But no, it must have been two or three seasons ago, since we had brought so-and-so with us and they weren't around anymore.
That got me to thinking about a fishing trip we had been trying to plan for the last few months. So far, it isn't working out and summer is half gone. Between his jobs and my part-time one, time is fleeting. We can't even seem to squeeze in an afternoon in to run up the canyon. Rick is an adjunct teacher and since all the other staff took summer off, he is left hold the bag. We do need the money to pay for all my medical needs, so I am not complaining. It has just started me thinking about the little things--the things we like to do.
Are there things you have forgotten to do because life is busy? Or maybe you think you don't have the money? Or you've gotten to 'old' for it? As I was sitting there with my hubby enjoying our brief evening, I thought of a few little things I was going to take time to do before summer (or life) passed me by--and I started at that game.
That got me to thinking about a fishing trip we had been trying to plan for the last few months. So far, it isn't working out and summer is half gone. Between his jobs and my part-time one, time is fleeting. We can't even seem to squeeze in an afternoon in to run up the canyon. Rick is an adjunct teacher and since all the other staff took summer off, he is left hold the bag. We do need the money to pay for all my medical needs, so I am not complaining. It has just started me thinking about the little things--the things we like to do.
Are there things you have forgotten to do because life is busy? Or maybe you think you don't have the money? Or you've gotten to 'old' for it? As I was sitting there with my hubby enjoying our brief evening, I thought of a few little things I was going to take time to do before summer (or life) passed me by--and I started at that game.
- I sang really loud when the song "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" came on.
- I had baseball game junk food--AND enjoyed it.
- Write a thank you note to an old mentor apologizing for being an ungrateful teenager.
- Enjoy the birds singing in the morning--even if it is 4:30 am. I am up heading to the bathroom anyway.
- Take a Sunday walk with my husband. It is free and he can push me in my wheelchair. Say hi to any of the neighbors that happen to be out.
- Play pick-a-boo with the little baby in the row in front of me in church. He's a cutie.
- Make the bread my son has been bugging me to make.
As I started making a 'little things' list, I noticed my spirits lifted. It is almost like my 'thankful' list. Some of the things were wild and crazy, and I would never, ever do them, but it still felt good to think about them. It was kind of like taking 'happy' medicine.
There are many 'little things' in our lives waiting to be rediscovered. What have you lost?
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Weeds
After weeding my flower bed this morning, I limped back to the house knowing I had over done it yet again. I wasn't out there long, but the heat had hit for the day and zapped me of all energy. I knew I had to get to those weeds or they would continue to grow and choke out what little flowers I had planted this year.
It got me thinking of all the weeds that were trying to choke me out during this time in my life. My MS is taking a bit of a turn, and I'm struggling with a few things at this time. I know MS does this, so I'm wondering if this is a shallow-rooted weed easily scraped away with rest, so I can wake up and continue on with my life; or one, like bind weed (aka morning glory), that chokes until, if left to its own devices, it will kill the spirit and leave you staring out on humanity never to walk out of your house again.
Since my lovely stumble over a computer cord in November, I haven't been able to recover all my 'super human' capabilities--not that I had those anyway. But you know how you are when you lay in bed at night and think over your to-do-list? You are invincible. When the dawn breaks, those weeds creep in, wrap around me, and show me I never really was the great person I thought I was.
In my job as Master Gardener, I tell people what to do for their real weeds. And so, each day, I tell myself what I need to do for my virtual weeds: weakness, despair, expectations, possibilities, limitation, finance. And the weeds go on.
So when these 'weedy' moments crop up, I try to plant flowers instead, using the things I have done--my accomplishments. I was diagnosed 16 ago today. But in reality, I think I have had it since I was about 17. So that makes it 27 years. That in itself should be a big hydrangea or something. Then, surrounding that beautiful bush should be other blooming flowers for the education I have received, the man I have married, the world I have seen, the children I have born, the memories I have made, the people I have met, the friends I have, the volunteer hours I have put in with the church and community and so my virtual flower bed grows. It should be so big and full that there is no room for virtual weeds.
Whenever I stop thinking about my beautiful flowers, real or otherwise, the weeds begin to grow. And that is how it is with with others. I have seen it with those I have talked to. I have seen 'weeds' come into their lives and choke out the goodness. Some have let their gardens become overrun to the point where the only hope for them is to get professional help; I have been there. It does help to start over. Sometimes leaving your weed patch behind is the only option.
If you are not there, what I do now is have a book where I write the the things for which I am thankful for--even the bitty things. So when that bind weed comes creeping in, I can look back and see what flowers I have. And then, I remember to go out and smell the roses!
It got me thinking of all the weeds that were trying to choke me out during this time in my life. My MS is taking a bit of a turn, and I'm struggling with a few things at this time. I know MS does this, so I'm wondering if this is a shallow-rooted weed easily scraped away with rest, so I can wake up and continue on with my life; or one, like bind weed (aka morning glory), that chokes until, if left to its own devices, it will kill the spirit and leave you staring out on humanity never to walk out of your house again.
Since my lovely stumble over a computer cord in November, I haven't been able to recover all my 'super human' capabilities--not that I had those anyway. But you know how you are when you lay in bed at night and think over your to-do-list? You are invincible. When the dawn breaks, those weeds creep in, wrap around me, and show me I never really was the great person I thought I was.
In my job as Master Gardener, I tell people what to do for their real weeds. And so, each day, I tell myself what I need to do for my virtual weeds: weakness, despair, expectations, possibilities, limitation, finance. And the weeds go on.
So when these 'weedy' moments crop up, I try to plant flowers instead, using the things I have done--my accomplishments. I was diagnosed 16 ago today. But in reality, I think I have had it since I was about 17. So that makes it 27 years. That in itself should be a big hydrangea or something. Then, surrounding that beautiful bush should be other blooming flowers for the education I have received, the man I have married, the world I have seen, the children I have born, the memories I have made, the people I have met, the friends I have, the volunteer hours I have put in with the church and community and so my virtual flower bed grows. It should be so big and full that there is no room for virtual weeds.
Whenever I stop thinking about my beautiful flowers, real or otherwise, the weeds begin to grow. And that is how it is with with others. I have seen it with those I have talked to. I have seen 'weeds' come into their lives and choke out the goodness. Some have let their gardens become overrun to the point where the only hope for them is to get professional help; I have been there. It does help to start over. Sometimes leaving your weed patch behind is the only option.
If you are not there, what I do now is have a book where I write the the things for which I am thankful for--even the bitty things. So when that bind weed comes creeping in, I can look back and see what flowers I have. And then, I remember to go out and smell the roses!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Discrimination?
Summer is on its way to full swing, and the phones are ringing off the hook for me down at the county extension office. I work every Friday and am loving life. People call in with all sorts of questions ranging from simple gardening basics to insect classifications and pest control, to the hard ones of disease-ridden trees or turf analysis. When there happens to be a dull moment (almost never), I do research on things--usually items to add to my husband's 'honey-do' list.
I am thankful to the extension office. While other businesses have looked down on my handicap and made excuses to not hire me (you will never prove this), the extension office has urged me on and told me if it ever gets to be too much to let them know and I can take a break. They made me feel like a human-being again when all others made me feel 'stupid' or 'less-than'. It truly is sad to say a lot of society thinks when someone is handicapped their IQ suddenly drops several points. Sometimes, it drops off the charts.
Several years ago, I applied for a preschool substitute job. During the phone interview, I got rave reviews. They loved my resume. I had great qualifications. "Why haven't you been out teaching?" blah, blah, blah.
Now to give a a brief outline of my resume: I was a tutor in college, graduated with an AA [emphasis in English], went to Longridge Writing School, published a few books, and a bunch of other things with children.
I got called into the office for a second interview. It went well--except they kept asking me if I was sure I could handle preschoolers, getting up and down on the floor with my cane and brace and all. What about them tiring me out? Doesn't MS make you tired? I assured them I could handle it, since wasn't I just a sub?
I was hired but was only called in three times the first year by a lady I already knew who worked there. She knew I could handle it. The office always called another friend of mine who was hired at the same time. (Which btw, I wrote her resume). And when she couldn't do it, did I receive a call? No, they called others on the sub list first that lived farther away. The second year, I never got a call.
My friend got a call to see if she would like to be put on full-time. She was unable to take the job but put in a word for me. No call ever came. I ran into one of the main teachers in the grocery store and asked her why I was never given the chance for the job. She just stuttered and said something about how she thinks it was given to an in-house teacher.
Once again, something that can't be proven, but the feeling is there of discrimination.
That got me thinking: how many times are we judgmental against someone by the way they look or act. Do we think they can't do something because they are slow of speech or don't hear well? How about in a wheelchair or walk with a limp?
I am so grateful to be able to use my love of gardening and the knowledge I have received at school to help those around me. I am glad someone gave me a chance to prove I am not "ignorant" or "less-than" anyone else. We should never make anyone feel that way. I hope as we venture out in our everyday lives we are not trying to be better than anyone else, because we aren't.
I am thankful to the extension office. While other businesses have looked down on my handicap and made excuses to not hire me (you will never prove this), the extension office has urged me on and told me if it ever gets to be too much to let them know and I can take a break. They made me feel like a human-being again when all others made me feel 'stupid' or 'less-than'. It truly is sad to say a lot of society thinks when someone is handicapped their IQ suddenly drops several points. Sometimes, it drops off the charts.
Several years ago, I applied for a preschool substitute job. During the phone interview, I got rave reviews. They loved my resume. I had great qualifications. "Why haven't you been out teaching?" blah, blah, blah.
Now to give a a brief outline of my resume: I was a tutor in college, graduated with an AA [emphasis in English], went to Longridge Writing School, published a few books, and a bunch of other things with children.
I got called into the office for a second interview. It went well--except they kept asking me if I was sure I could handle preschoolers, getting up and down on the floor with my cane and brace and all. What about them tiring me out? Doesn't MS make you tired? I assured them I could handle it, since wasn't I just a sub?
I was hired but was only called in three times the first year by a lady I already knew who worked there. She knew I could handle it. The office always called another friend of mine who was hired at the same time. (Which btw, I wrote her resume). And when she couldn't do it, did I receive a call? No, they called others on the sub list first that lived farther away. The second year, I never got a call.
My friend got a call to see if she would like to be put on full-time. She was unable to take the job but put in a word for me. No call ever came. I ran into one of the main teachers in the grocery store and asked her why I was never given the chance for the job. She just stuttered and said something about how she thinks it was given to an in-house teacher.
Once again, something that can't be proven, but the feeling is there of discrimination.
That got me thinking: how many times are we judgmental against someone by the way they look or act. Do we think they can't do something because they are slow of speech or don't hear well? How about in a wheelchair or walk with a limp?
I am so grateful to be able to use my love of gardening and the knowledge I have received at school to help those around me. I am glad someone gave me a chance to prove I am not "ignorant" or "less-than" anyone else. We should never make anyone feel that way. I hope as we venture out in our everyday lives we are not trying to be better than anyone else, because we aren't.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Knowledge is Power
When I was first diagnosed with MS, I was clueless. I went into the doctor's office hoping for answers to my many questions. Instead, he was silent, did a bunch of tests that I had been through before, and then asked me if I had anyone in my family with MS. I told him my aunt had it. "Great! Then, you know all about it I'll see you again in 6 months." He turned and walked out of the room. Wow, what an experience for me. Was he ever wrong about me knowing ALL about it!
After sixteen years of dealing with countless doctors, I have learned to speak up. And I've also learned that knowledge is power. Those who know you want you to share your ideas, share your knowledge. But sometimes your 'brains' can be a bad thing if you let them swell your EGO.
My mother works at a university and many of those with learning take it to extremes. They think they are better than those around them. Sometimes to the point of walking on others who actually help make the world go round. It is never good to take the power knowledge has to offer and use it to squash others with it.
But, I want to talk about the good the power of knowledge can do--of how it can help you get out of a rut. Maybe you're feeling sorry for yourself? Maybe you are afraid of something? Maybe you think you don't know anything? Well, I am telling knowledge can fix all of that.
When I left that 'lovely' doctor's office years ago, I was in a daze. I remember wandering down the glass-lined hall of this huge hospital looking out on the clear June day thinking life was over for me. I didn't know a thing about MS other than my aunt HAD it. That was it--nothing more. But with each passing month and each passing doctors' visits, I learned more. I became obsessed with wanting to know how I could stay healthy longer and not become 'stuck' in a wheelchair OR bed-ridden OR any of the other things I was told was going to happen to me by 'well-meaning' people. I became knowledgeable. And with this knowledge came power to help myself.
I've seen others who were freshly diagnosised and they became what I was at the beginning--dazed and confused. I knew in the beginning I didn't want to be approached AT ALL; I just wanted to curl up in my shell. And so, while other well-meaning people rushed in to these dazed-newbies, both my husband and I contacted their care-givers. I told them I had MS and knew what the family was going through--first hand. We told them when the newbie was ready to talk (and it could be months), I would be there. We gave them websites and phone numbers of who to call in case they had a quack-of-a-doctor like mine. The caregiver was very appreciative.
Then, we sat back and waited. I sent a card or email just letting the person know I knew how terrible it was, but I never pushed. The caregiver would come to me and ask questions and want to know more. I would answer. And the day would come that the newbie would call me and we would talk--sometimes for hours--while she/he would gain the knowledge needed to carry on.
Knowledge is a great thing if used for the benefit for others. Just recently I have been working with the county extension as a horticulture assistant. I love working with all things garden related. I have been doing this for almost 10 years now, giving garden talks, diagnosing lawn and plant problems, helping others with issues while they are venturing in the great green unknown of soil-hood. But, I still don't know everything. There are several of us that work there and we are always asking each other things, studying, learning.
Yesterday, while I was working, I had many people calling in with problems and questions. Some were easy and some were hard. Some I had to do research on. Others, I had to send on to people who had greater knowledge than I. Some people were thankful. Others told me they didn't think I was right and want to know if there was some one else they could talk to. One lady called in and after talking with her, I found out she had talked to everyone in this office, the office in the next county, and the university office. She knew everyone by name and their titles. She was just trying to get someone to give her the answer she wanted. And we all gave her the same answer.
That is the thing with knowledge. You will always have those who don't think you know what you are talking about. You will have those that don't care. You will have ones that don't listen and need to learn on their own (like your children). But, the knowledge you obtain is for YOU! It is to help you grow. If others want you to share your knowledge, then share it, offer it. But don't be offended if they turn it down or tell you they think you are wrong. It is their decision. But remember in all of your knowledge learning, don't let you ego take over. Everyone is needed to make the world go round.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
This Too, Shall Pass
'This too, shall pass.' My dad was always fond of telling me this as I got to be a teen and entered my college years. As a teenager, I am sure I rolled my eyes and thought my life was over. In college, I remember I hoped 'it' would pass quickly.
As a young mother, I was anxious to have my kids grow up so I could move on to the next stage. I kept telling myself--This too, shall pass. Then, my husband was busy with his schooling and jobs, and we never saw each other. My dad's words rang through my head on the long nights I was up with kids 'helping' them with their school projects that were due the next day.
I once had a boss who insisted there were no problems just situations. To me, as an English major, it was just a different meaning of the same word. But he said if you looked at it in a different light, you could always find a way out of it.
That is just like life--if you look at your situation differently you may find a different way out of it. Not necessarily the way you thought you'd get out of it, but you still will get out of it.
Let me explain: When I lost my ability to walk like a 'normal' person, I was devastated. I was losing one more thing to this STUPID disease!! I had already lost my talent to play my violin the way I wanted to; I had lost the feeling in my finger tips; and blah, blah, blah. I was on the Pity Train to Party Ville.
But, my natural instinct of 'You-Can't-Tell-Me-What-To-Do' kicked in, and I decided to beat the Fates. I got my AFO (see previous posts), went to the chiropractor, did my exercises, took vitamins, extra omega-3's, and other things I'd read up on that could help my cause. Today, on great days, I am cane-free and walking to my doctor's office on the third floor of his office building. I go hiking and camping. I garden with the help of my walker (this is so I can make it back to the house after I've over-done it in the garden. haha).
I just had to look at walking differently. It didn't happen over night, that is for sure. I still try to hop the Pity Train when I see a cute pair of pumps or a person run up a flight of stairs. But, I am walking! I may need assistance now and then, but I am still walking. It wasn't a problem, it was a situation that I solved, and 'It too, passed.'
I'm one who believes in being positive. If we think positive, positive things will happen. Positive people will want to be around us. We can look at our situations and change them for the better. Remember to look beyond today and that 'it shall pass.'
As a young mother, I was anxious to have my kids grow up so I could move on to the next stage. I kept telling myself--This too, shall pass. Then, my husband was busy with his schooling and jobs, and we never saw each other. My dad's words rang through my head on the long nights I was up with kids 'helping' them with their school projects that were due the next day.
I once had a boss who insisted there were no problems just situations. To me, as an English major, it was just a different meaning of the same word. But he said if you looked at it in a different light, you could always find a way out of it.
That is just like life--if you look at your situation differently you may find a different way out of it. Not necessarily the way you thought you'd get out of it, but you still will get out of it.
Let me explain: When I lost my ability to walk like a 'normal' person, I was devastated. I was losing one more thing to this STUPID disease!! I had already lost my talent to play my violin the way I wanted to; I had lost the feeling in my finger tips; and blah, blah, blah. I was on the Pity Train to Party Ville.
But, my natural instinct of 'You-Can't-Tell-Me-What-To-Do' kicked in, and I decided to beat the Fates. I got my AFO (see previous posts), went to the chiropractor, did my exercises, took vitamins, extra omega-3's, and other things I'd read up on that could help my cause. Today, on great days, I am cane-free and walking to my doctor's office on the third floor of his office building. I go hiking and camping. I garden with the help of my walker (this is so I can make it back to the house after I've over-done it in the garden. haha).
I just had to look at walking differently. It didn't happen over night, that is for sure. I still try to hop the Pity Train when I see a cute pair of pumps or a person run up a flight of stairs. But, I am walking! I may need assistance now and then, but I am still walking. It wasn't a problem, it was a situation that I solved, and 'It too, passed.'
I'm one who believes in being positive. If we think positive, positive things will happen. Positive people will want to be around us. We can look at our situations and change them for the better. Remember to look beyond today and that 'it shall pass.'
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
A Hard Pill to Swallow
Every day I have a plethora of pills to swallow (Do you like that word? I got a good laugh out of its use in the movie ¡Three Amigos!). There are days I sit, look at the pile, and think to myself, 'I can't swallow these anymore. I will choke to death on them.'
I have to say the amount of pills I take now are much less than they used to be. I eat better; I use a mixture of Eastern and Western medicine in my health care, such as chiropractics, acupuncture, micro-current, essential oils, regular check-ups with both my PCP and my neurologist; I do yoga; and have hobbies to keep me active--gardening, photo restoration, genealogy, scrapbooking, and of course, blogging.
But physical pills aren't the only things in life we are sometimes asked to swallow. Some of those 'pills' are because of our own making, such as poor choices. Some are because of what life has thrust upon us, either because of someone else or just because of circumstance.
Let me share two examples from my life. One is from back in my younger days. I was taking a year off from college and loving the single life. I had a good job, a good boyfriend, cheap rent (living with my parents-haha), a car, and lots of friends. I had no intention of going back to school--ever.
Well, things started to go down hill. My friends started to trickle off to school or to get married. My parents were encouraging me to go back to school. I'd really disliked my first year so why would I want to go back. I was really hoping my boyfriend would pop the question. His mom was too.
Then, the catalyst hit that forced me to swallow the dreaded pill. On a very romantic date, when I thought the question was going to be coming, I was informed I was 'too intelligent' for him and things would never work out. We'd had a nice time and I really should go back to college. Was that ever a slap in the face with reality?
Now I'm not one who sits around and mopes for long. In fact, I didn't mope at all on this one. I was so angry by the words 'too intelligent,' I was in hyper-drive all the way back to college. I got a job, an apartment, was enrolled in all my classes within three weeks and never looked back. I got my AAAS that Spring.
The hardest pill I've had to swallow was given to me on the day before my 6th Wedding Anniversary, May 16th, 1996. That's when I was given the diagnosis of MS. Even though the news was devastating and I thought my life was over, I have come to realize I've also received countless blessings throughout these many years.
Both of the pills I mentioned were hard. I struggled with each one. I still struggle with MS everyday. But, each pill brought and still brings blessings. If I had married that boyfriend, I would have never married Rick or had my two beautiful children. I'd never have finished up college. And who knows where or what I'd be now. And if I'd never had MS (I maybe would have skipped this pill), who knows what personal growth I would have missed. What growth would my family and I have missed?
So as you look at your plethora of pills--literal or symbolical--think of how they are helping heal you, blessing you, and helping those around you. And maybe the next time you have to swallow, it won't be so hard to go down.
I have to say the amount of pills I take now are much less than they used to be. I eat better; I use a mixture of Eastern and Western medicine in my health care, such as chiropractics, acupuncture, micro-current, essential oils, regular check-ups with both my PCP and my neurologist; I do yoga; and have hobbies to keep me active--gardening, photo restoration, genealogy, scrapbooking, and of course, blogging.
But physical pills aren't the only things in life we are sometimes asked to swallow. Some of those 'pills' are because of our own making, such as poor choices. Some are because of what life has thrust upon us, either because of someone else or just because of circumstance.
Let me share two examples from my life. One is from back in my younger days. I was taking a year off from college and loving the single life. I had a good job, a good boyfriend, cheap rent (living with my parents-haha), a car, and lots of friends. I had no intention of going back to school--ever.
Well, things started to go down hill. My friends started to trickle off to school or to get married. My parents were encouraging me to go back to school. I'd really disliked my first year so why would I want to go back. I was really hoping my boyfriend would pop the question. His mom was too.
Then, the catalyst hit that forced me to swallow the dreaded pill. On a very romantic date, when I thought the question was going to be coming, I was informed I was 'too intelligent' for him and things would never work out. We'd had a nice time and I really should go back to college. Was that ever a slap in the face with reality?
Now I'm not one who sits around and mopes for long. In fact, I didn't mope at all on this one. I was so angry by the words 'too intelligent,' I was in hyper-drive all the way back to college. I got a job, an apartment, was enrolled in all my classes within three weeks and never looked back. I got my AAAS that Spring.
The hardest pill I've had to swallow was given to me on the day before my 6th Wedding Anniversary, May 16th, 1996. That's when I was given the diagnosis of MS. Even though the news was devastating and I thought my life was over, I have come to realize I've also received countless blessings throughout these many years.
Both of the pills I mentioned were hard. I struggled with each one. I still struggle with MS everyday. But, each pill brought and still brings blessings. If I had married that boyfriend, I would have never married Rick or had my two beautiful children. I'd never have finished up college. And who knows where or what I'd be now. And if I'd never had MS (I maybe would have skipped this pill), who knows what personal growth I would have missed. What growth would my family and I have missed?
So as you look at your plethora of pills--literal or symbolical--think of how they are helping heal you, blessing you, and helping those around you. And maybe the next time you have to swallow, it won't be so hard to go down.
Friday, March 23, 2012
You Are What You Eat
As a kid, I was fascinated by Cookie Monster. I thought he was quite disgusting in the way he ate cookies and making a huge mess. But, I did like the way he talked and loved those cookies. I just loved cookies. In fact, I still do. They are a big down fall of mine, which is why I don't make them very often. My husband and son wish I would make them more. And when I do, the cookies vanish in a flash, which is fine by me.
I made the decision to stop making goodies several years ago, when I noticed I was the one who ate most of them. I would, of course, have to sample the dough or batter to make sure it was going to turn out okay. Then, when the product was done baking, I would have to sample it again to make sure it was fine to add the frosting or to continue to the next level of preparation. And so, the process would continue. And before I knew it, I had sampled 5 cookies or 3 cupcakes. And if the decadent dessert happen to last a few days, I was slicing off slivers of cake or nibbling bits of cookies all week, much to the detriment of my waistline.
About three or four years ago, I made the decision to start eating healthier. Not great rid of just my beloved cookies, but all things not good for me. I didn't quit cold-turkey since we all know that's not a wise thing. The brain seems to play tricks on us. We tell ourselves we are going to start a diet tomorrow. And when tomorrow comes, we're just famished. So we stuff our faces and begin our diet the next day or maybe the next day after that. And yet, there are days we've actually been so busy we've gone all day without eating anything until dinner and never noticed once we're hungry. Go figure?
Anyway, I've decided the best diet is moderation in all things--whether it be dessert, soda, fruits, veggies, meat, grains, what have you. I didn't limit myself to anything. That way my brain wasn't going to play tricks on me. If I wanted that giant slab of key-lime cheesecake, I was going to have it--only I was going to use moderation. Which meant, I wasn't going to have that GIANT slab, I was going to have a small sliver and put the rest away for some future date. So I'd freeze the rest to avoid temptation.
And I have to say, this has worked for me. I have lost about 25 pounds and kept them off. There has been no yo-yo'ing. I've got to eat the little things I crave and the benefit is those cravings have pretty much gone away. I eat more veggies and fresh fruit now. If I were to be given a choice between a big mixed salad with meat and beans in it or a wedge of pizza with gooey cheese and pepperoni, I must say I'd take the salad.
But I've started to take the saying "You Are What You Eat" literally. Things you eat affect your mood, your health, your weight, your mind, everything about you.
Just today, a friend posted this video on Facebook and I found it very helpful to me, personally.
I've been doing most of this already and so adding the rest will not be a big step for me. Had I not been doing stuff already, I'd have a hard time.
So my challenge to you (should you choose to accept it), is what are you eating (or drinking) in your life, that is having an affect on you? What is it turning you into? Are you a Cookie Monster--like I am?
I made the decision to stop making goodies several years ago, when I noticed I was the one who ate most of them. I would, of course, have to sample the dough or batter to make sure it was going to turn out okay. Then, when the product was done baking, I would have to sample it again to make sure it was fine to add the frosting or to continue to the next level of preparation. And so, the process would continue. And before I knew it, I had sampled 5 cookies or 3 cupcakes. And if the decadent dessert happen to last a few days, I was slicing off slivers of cake or nibbling bits of cookies all week, much to the detriment of my waistline.
About three or four years ago, I made the decision to start eating healthier. Not great rid of just my beloved cookies, but all things not good for me. I didn't quit cold-turkey since we all know that's not a wise thing. The brain seems to play tricks on us. We tell ourselves we are going to start a diet tomorrow. And when tomorrow comes, we're just famished. So we stuff our faces and begin our diet the next day or maybe the next day after that. And yet, there are days we've actually been so busy we've gone all day without eating anything until dinner and never noticed once we're hungry. Go figure?
Anyway, I've decided the best diet is moderation in all things--whether it be dessert, soda, fruits, veggies, meat, grains, what have you. I didn't limit myself to anything. That way my brain wasn't going to play tricks on me. If I wanted that giant slab of key-lime cheesecake, I was going to have it--only I was going to use moderation. Which meant, I wasn't going to have that GIANT slab, I was going to have a small sliver and put the rest away for some future date. So I'd freeze the rest to avoid temptation.
And I have to say, this has worked for me. I have lost about 25 pounds and kept them off. There has been no yo-yo'ing. I've got to eat the little things I crave and the benefit is those cravings have pretty much gone away. I eat more veggies and fresh fruit now. If I were to be given a choice between a big mixed salad with meat and beans in it or a wedge of pizza with gooey cheese and pepperoni, I must say I'd take the salad.
But I've started to take the saying "You Are What You Eat" literally. Things you eat affect your mood, your health, your weight, your mind, everything about you.
Just today, a friend posted this video on Facebook and I found it very helpful to me, personally.
I've been doing most of this already and so adding the rest will not be a big step for me. Had I not been doing stuff already, I'd have a hard time.
So my challenge to you (should you choose to accept it), is what are you eating (or drinking) in your life, that is having an affect on you? What is it turning you into? Are you a Cookie Monster--like I am?
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Whirlwind
There are times in your live when you may feel you have been sucked up in a whirlwind and are being thrown around from side-to-side with no way out. You can't seem to control your days and there seems to be no end to the chaos. Every night you crawl into bed, exhausted, dreading the dawn. Your stress level is climbing and know, that if it doesn't stop soon, you are going to blow.
I've often thought of the character Tipo from the Disney movie "The Emperor's New Groove." She wakes up from a nightmare and says, 'I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log and careening out of control down a raging river of death.'
I often feel I am careening out of control on a raging river of life--or in a whirlwind that sucks me up and spits me out tattered and torn somewhere down the river of life where I really didn't want to be. As I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I've noticed some of the chaos in this whirlwind is my own doing. And even though I don't mean to do it, it happens. Let me explain.
I am caught up in a whirlwind at this moment and it's starting to pick up momentum. I've noticed it gaining speed for sometime now and have been trying to stop it before it flings me far and does some serious damage. In my case, an MS relapse that could set me back several weeks or months.
It started back in November when I took a spill and gave myself a concussion. Instead of taking it easy and recovery fully (heck, it was the holidays. Who had time to recover?), I jumped back into life after about ten days and started with my agenda.
I went Christmas shopping. I kept up with my photo restoration, which is fine since I was sitting down for this and wasn't over-exerting myself. I started to stay up later to be with my husband and son. Then, my daughter came home from college so I started to do more with her and stay up even later. I love to play 'Words with Friends' since it helps keep the cognitive part of my brain going. I had more friends adding me to their list so I was playing more. December turns into January, and the stress is building.
February came. I broke a tooth, and we have no dental insurance. Rick's new job with the new insurance really pays for nothing. So the chaos is mounting. I found out when I took my spill in November, I tore some ligaments in my knee. Add more doctors appointments to the day. The ride down the river is starting to move rapidly. This ride is filled with photo restoration, housework, blogging, genealogy, staying up late (I never did get to bed early after the holiday season), and 'Words with Friends.' We take a trip to see my daughter at college and celebrate her 20th birthday. I'm really feeling the whirlwind building speed now.
March comes in with spring-like weather. I'm now getting involved with my garden stuff. I'm offered to do Water Conservation at the county extension. I've been wanting to do this for years! Along with this, I do my normal helping with garden volunteering, pruning, & classes; added to all the above stuff from February.
In the days before I had MS, the whirlwind would have been a small dirt devil at this point and I could have squashed it with taking a nap or two. But with MS, I can't do this. I know that something must give. BUT, do I do give something up? Noooooo.....
I have added Pinterest to this. I like to see what others are interested in and want to add my interests. Both my children's graduations are coming up in May--one from high school, one from college. I'm also trying to get my yard cleaned up for spring (with help of course) and work on a plan for what to plant and grow for this year. I have to keep in mind that whatever grows, I have to reap and can in the fall. I need to beware there, too. I always get carried away with that and create a great massive whirlwind with harvest season.
So, how did I bring this on myself? How did I go 'careening over this raging river of death?'
Simple! I did not say NO. I did not chose the important stuff. The most crucial part in this picture is ME.
Yes, it is time to be selfish here. My health is the most critical thing here. I need to eliminate several things to stop this whirlwind before it gets any worse. I know what I need to do in my life and plan on doing it. In fact, I have already started the process.
Now, for you. What are the things in your life that are causing dirt devils to becomes whirlwinds? Are you on a raging river right now that is careening out of control? What is being affected in your life?
I challenge you to make a list of all the things you have done in the last three months (like I did) and see what things are really necessary for your well-being. What things are getting in the way of the end-goal? And take steps to eliminate them before you are being swept away and being slammed into chaos.
I've often thought of the character Tipo from the Disney movie "The Emperor's New Groove." She wakes up from a nightmare and says, 'I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log and careening out of control down a raging river of death.'
I often feel I am careening out of control on a raging river of life--or in a whirlwind that sucks me up and spits me out tattered and torn somewhere down the river of life where I really didn't want to be. As I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I've noticed some of the chaos in this whirlwind is my own doing. And even though I don't mean to do it, it happens. Let me explain.
I am caught up in a whirlwind at this moment and it's starting to pick up momentum. I've noticed it gaining speed for sometime now and have been trying to stop it before it flings me far and does some serious damage. In my case, an MS relapse that could set me back several weeks or months.
It started back in November when I took a spill and gave myself a concussion. Instead of taking it easy and recovery fully (heck, it was the holidays. Who had time to recover?), I jumped back into life after about ten days and started with my agenda.
I went Christmas shopping. I kept up with my photo restoration, which is fine since I was sitting down for this and wasn't over-exerting myself. I started to stay up later to be with my husband and son. Then, my daughter came home from college so I started to do more with her and stay up even later. I love to play 'Words with Friends' since it helps keep the cognitive part of my brain going. I had more friends adding me to their list so I was playing more. December turns into January, and the stress is building.
February came. I broke a tooth, and we have no dental insurance. Rick's new job with the new insurance really pays for nothing. So the chaos is mounting. I found out when I took my spill in November, I tore some ligaments in my knee. Add more doctors appointments to the day. The ride down the river is starting to move rapidly. This ride is filled with photo restoration, housework, blogging, genealogy, staying up late (I never did get to bed early after the holiday season), and 'Words with Friends.' We take a trip to see my daughter at college and celebrate her 20th birthday. I'm really feeling the whirlwind building speed now.
March comes in with spring-like weather. I'm now getting involved with my garden stuff. I'm offered to do Water Conservation at the county extension. I've been wanting to do this for years! Along with this, I do my normal helping with garden volunteering, pruning, & classes; added to all the above stuff from February.
In the days before I had MS, the whirlwind would have been a small dirt devil at this point and I could have squashed it with taking a nap or two. But with MS, I can't do this. I know that something must give. BUT, do I do give something up? Noooooo.....
I have added Pinterest to this. I like to see what others are interested in and want to add my interests. Both my children's graduations are coming up in May--one from high school, one from college. I'm also trying to get my yard cleaned up for spring (with help of course) and work on a plan for what to plant and grow for this year. I have to keep in mind that whatever grows, I have to reap and can in the fall. I need to beware there, too. I always get carried away with that and create a great massive whirlwind with harvest season.
So, how did I bring this on myself? How did I go 'careening over this raging river of death?'
Simple! I did not say NO. I did not chose the important stuff. The most crucial part in this picture is ME.
Yes, it is time to be selfish here. My health is the most critical thing here. I need to eliminate several things to stop this whirlwind before it gets any worse. I know what I need to do in my life and plan on doing it. In fact, I have already started the process.
Now, for you. What are the things in your life that are causing dirt devils to becomes whirlwinds? Are you on a raging river right now that is careening out of control? What is being affected in your life?
I challenge you to make a list of all the things you have done in the last three months (like I did) and see what things are really necessary for your well-being. What things are getting in the way of the end-goal? And take steps to eliminate them before you are being swept away and being slammed into chaos.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
MS Awareness Week March 11-18
Many of you are aware I suffer from Multiple Sclerosis. It's something I share openly with all those that want to know. I'm not afraid to tell my story: what symptoms I started with; how long it took them to diagnose me; what I've done to deal with it; and what things I'm doing now to help with it.
I wasn't always this way. As mentioned in earlier postings, I struggled coming to terms with this. Anyone who has lost something or someone does. You go through stages of shock and denial that there is no way this can be you. It must be someone else's results. Then, comes the guilt of wondering if you did something to deserve this; or maybe pain (at times almost physical) breaking your heart and wondering how your life is going to be from now on.
Anger and negotiating come next. I remembering making deals with God about my kids. Then, my deals would turn into angry rants at Him for making me have to suffer this terrible disease that doctors didn't know anything about or have any cure for. "How am I suppose to raise a family being STUCK in a wheelchair?! You might as well take me now!" Then, remorse and shame would take me over, and I would plead for forgiveness, only to have the anger start all over again the next day.
Depression soon follows. Thanks to a caring husband and good doctors, I spent three and half years in therapy for this. I was able to cope with the feelings that come from losing much that comes with a chronic illness. And if you can cope, comes reflection. It's during this time I came to realize and accept my disease. I learned to know I had support from friends and family. I read and studied everything there was to know about MS. I started to gain knowledge.
With knowledge comes power and your life turns for the better. You feel better, and you can do more. You can accept and have hope that all is not as bad as you thought things were going to be when you first got your diagnosis umpteen days ago.
For me, it was about five years before I was able to speak openly to people about this disease. But now, I want to share and let people know. And I am letting you know.
I wasn't always this way. As mentioned in earlier postings, I struggled coming to terms with this. Anyone who has lost something or someone does. You go through stages of shock and denial that there is no way this can be you. It must be someone else's results. Then, comes the guilt of wondering if you did something to deserve this; or maybe pain (at times almost physical) breaking your heart and wondering how your life is going to be from now on.
Anger and negotiating come next. I remembering making deals with God about my kids. Then, my deals would turn into angry rants at Him for making me have to suffer this terrible disease that doctors didn't know anything about or have any cure for. "How am I suppose to raise a family being STUCK in a wheelchair?! You might as well take me now!" Then, remorse and shame would take me over, and I would plead for forgiveness, only to have the anger start all over again the next day.
Depression soon follows. Thanks to a caring husband and good doctors, I spent three and half years in therapy for this. I was able to cope with the feelings that come from losing much that comes with a chronic illness. And if you can cope, comes reflection. It's during this time I came to realize and accept my disease. I learned to know I had support from friends and family. I read and studied everything there was to know about MS. I started to gain knowledge.
With knowledge comes power and your life turns for the better. You feel better, and you can do more. You can accept and have hope that all is not as bad as you thought things were going to be when you first got your diagnosis umpteen days ago.
For me, it was about five years before I was able to speak openly to people about this disease. But now, I want to share and let people know. And I am letting you know.
- Did you know that 2.1 million people worldwide have MS?
- Women are 2-3 times more likely to have it than men.
- Children can also have MS. There are 10,000 documented cases
- MS is not contagious
- The majority of people with MS do not become severely disabled
If you want to find out more, or find a local chapter in your area, check out this website for more information. http://nationalmssociety.org/index.aspx
Last year, my daughter and her college friends joined the MS Walk in her college town and helped raise money for research. Rick and I went and joined in. Jess learned a lot she didn't know about MS and thinks she will do it again this year. Thanks to my daughter for setting an example to her friends!
Everyone, everywhere, can do something to help spread the word about this devastating disease--even if it is just passing the word on to help donate to an MS Walk in your area come Spring or Fall.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Friendly Advice?
I am sure we have all received advice from those that mean well--an older person with years of experience trying to share a bit with you; or a young, single know-it-all giving you fresh-out-of-college textbook knowledge on how to raise your passel of kids. Do you glare at them and tell them where to shove it (I have wanted to at times)? Or smile sweetly, nod and think to yourself about the impertinent co-ed "Just you, wait, honey, your day is coming!"?
With the decision to make my MS more known to others, I have been the 'brunt' of many unsolicited pieces of 'friendly advice.' Everyone knows of somone's great-aunt's niece who has MS. At first, I was really annoyed (I am toning this word down, haha) with this bit of comparison. I really didn't care. But over the years, I have mellowed out.
I am, now, willing to listen to people offer their advice. Some of it maybe beneficial. If it sounds good, and I don't get in warning sounds in my head, I will research on my own. I have found a lot helpful things in this life for my health and my well-being (mentally, spiritually, and physically) through research. If red flags go up, I thank them for their 'friendly advice' and go my way. If they are trying to sell me something or get me to join something, I am honest with them. I tell them I am researching it and will get back with them. And I do--good or bad. If they can't take it, too bad for them. I tell them, I am on many medications that will not mix with many of their 'remedies.' That shuts many of them up.
There is only one time this didn't work. This person was relentless. She wouldn't listen to anything I had to say--even NO. For over six months, she insisted on finding and giving me advice for helping me with MS and it culminated in me finally blocking her number.
Now this is a case of BAD advice, but there is GOOD advice, too. And we have the great job to try and not get so upset with all the friendly advice out there we forget to notice when the good stuff is given.
Have we had several times in our lives when small moments stand out when a friend said something to us that at the time we took as criticism but was meant to help us become a better person?
There is one when I was about nineteen. A family friend pulled me aside and told me I needed to accept compliments with a 'thank you' instead of with a 'Yah, sure' and maybe, people would be more likely to compliment me. The reply that jumped to my lips was----You guessed it 'Yah, sure.'
But since that day, I have been very self-conscience about it, and I now accept compliments graciously.
Another example of friendly advice for me helped me swallow my pride. Yes, one of the 7 Deadly Sins.
In 2008, I developed foot drop. It is where you are unable to lift the front of your foot so you are constantly dragging your toes and tripping over them. I was told I would have to wear an AFO
.
I really didn't want to do this. As I said in an early writing (see Loss of Hiking), I was fighting this one tooth and nail. So, I continued to wear my big clunky sandals and to trip over my toes, scrapping them quite often. (Must say, my pride took a beating during the few months before I got my AFO).
During the summer months, I work at the Country Extension office in the Gardening Department. I help with the phones and diagnosing plant and insect problems. It was while I was there I got my advice. A good friend there asked what was wrong so I told her all about my problem and fears. She told me she had had the same problem about three years ago, but her foot drop was due to surgery. She wore her AFO for 9 months. It was her 'lifesaver' and couldn't live without it. And although hers was due to a bit of nerve damage and it went away, she would wear it all over again if she had too. Then, she looked me straight in the eye and told me I would be doing myself a favor by getting one. 'No one will know you have it. And you will be able to walk.'
I went in the next day and was fitted for my AFO.
Life is full of those who give us advice. It is how we take it and how we use it that matters. And while there are times some of that 'friendly advice' isn't so 'friendly,' there are REAL friends out there who are with us to help sift through the pieces and find what's worth keeping.
With the decision to make my MS more known to others, I have been the 'brunt' of many unsolicited pieces of 'friendly advice.' Everyone knows of somone's great-aunt's niece who has MS. At first, I was really annoyed (I am toning this word down, haha) with this bit of comparison. I really didn't care. But over the years, I have mellowed out.
I am, now, willing to listen to people offer their advice. Some of it maybe beneficial. If it sounds good, and I don't get in warning sounds in my head, I will research on my own. I have found a lot helpful things in this life for my health and my well-being (mentally, spiritually, and physically) through research. If red flags go up, I thank them for their 'friendly advice' and go my way. If they are trying to sell me something or get me to join something, I am honest with them. I tell them I am researching it and will get back with them. And I do--good or bad. If they can't take it, too bad for them. I tell them, I am on many medications that will not mix with many of their 'remedies.' That shuts many of them up.
There is only one time this didn't work. This person was relentless. She wouldn't listen to anything I had to say--even NO. For over six months, she insisted on finding and giving me advice for helping me with MS and it culminated in me finally blocking her number.
Now this is a case of BAD advice, but there is GOOD advice, too. And we have the great job to try and not get so upset with all the friendly advice out there we forget to notice when the good stuff is given.
Have we had several times in our lives when small moments stand out when a friend said something to us that at the time we took as criticism but was meant to help us become a better person?
There is one when I was about nineteen. A family friend pulled me aside and told me I needed to accept compliments with a 'thank you' instead of with a 'Yah, sure' and maybe, people would be more likely to compliment me. The reply that jumped to my lips was----You guessed it 'Yah, sure.'
But since that day, I have been very self-conscience about it, and I now accept compliments graciously.
Another example of friendly advice for me helped me swallow my pride. Yes, one of the 7 Deadly Sins.
In 2008, I developed foot drop. It is where you are unable to lift the front of your foot so you are constantly dragging your toes and tripping over them. I was told I would have to wear an AFO
.I really didn't want to do this. As I said in an early writing (see Loss of Hiking), I was fighting this one tooth and nail. So, I continued to wear my big clunky sandals and to trip over my toes, scrapping them quite often. (Must say, my pride took a beating during the few months before I got my AFO).
During the summer months, I work at the Country Extension office in the Gardening Department. I help with the phones and diagnosing plant and insect problems. It was while I was there I got my advice. A good friend there asked what was wrong so I told her all about my problem and fears. She told me she had had the same problem about three years ago, but her foot drop was due to surgery. She wore her AFO for 9 months. It was her 'lifesaver' and couldn't live without it. And although hers was due to a bit of nerve damage and it went away, she would wear it all over again if she had too. Then, she looked me straight in the eye and told me I would be doing myself a favor by getting one. 'No one will know you have it. And you will be able to walk.'
I went in the next day and was fitted for my AFO.
Life is full of those who give us advice. It is how we take it and how we use it that matters. And while there are times some of that 'friendly advice' isn't so 'friendly,' there are REAL friends out there who are with us to help sift through the pieces and find what's worth keeping.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Memories
Read a story that was forwarded in a email that touched me deeply. I almost deleted it like I do with a lot of them. Many of them carry viruses I don't want on my computer and others, I save having good intentions to read, but they pile up adding clutter to my life I really don't need. I am not sure who wrote this story, but it hit home at a time when I was in great need.
This month has been one of great stress. Life is like that sometimes. Ups and downs like a roller coaster. But we are in it for the ride. But while we are in it, we must remember the many memories. Here are some of mine. What are yours?
I found the email that brought on good memories and made me forget life's challenges if but for a moment. Maybe it will hep you, too.
This month has been one of great stress. Life is like that sometimes. Ups and downs like a roller coaster. But we are in it for the ride. But while we are in it, we must remember the many memories. Here are some of mine. What are yours?
 |
| Every Thanksgiving we would go with my sister's kids up to the hills in Montana for a picnic and get our famous Montana Christmas tree. This is 1997. My son is wearing his dalmatian costume from Halloween. He refused to be parted from it. I believe it rotted off his body. hahaha |
 |
| This is at Lake Alva, Montana. Most summers we would go camping with my parents and the cousins. Roasting (smoking) marshmallows with Grandpa. Those were the days. 1998. |
 |
| The summer of 1999, my parents took us rafting down the Missouri River up from what is now known as Tower Rock State Park, Montana. We had super, hot sun and torrential rains. But my kids were troupers. At one point, we stopped for snacks at an island that was covered is goose poo. My daughter dubbed it "Goose Poop" Island. |
.jpg) |
| In Oct 2001, we all headed to Disneyland. We met my husband's sister there (by accident). She was a great friend of my sister so all the cousins had a blast. Since it was after 9-11 crowds were at a minimum and we had the rule of the park. As you can see, it was my heavier days, but I couldn't resist standing in with my favorite of all Disney animals. |
 |
| In January 2006, Rick's work sent him to Guadalajara, Mexico and we had the opportunity to take both kids. Since they had been taking Spanish Immersion in school, we thought what a great chance for them to go. We spent a week there with them learning the cultural, practicing the language, and literally, being immersed in the country. |
 |
| Early of 2007, Rick';s work sent him to back to Guadalajara, Mexico. I got to go with him this time and we snuck away to Manzanillo on the coast for a day. What fun! |
 |
| We love to camp and hike and my son is a pyromaniac. At Thanksgiving of 2007, we went to Zions National Park camping. My husband happened to catch this photo of Taylor catching his hair on fire. Way to go, Son! Love it. |
 |
| I think our greatest (and cheapest) vacation was in October 2007. Thanks to all the perks of Rick's work and his many international travels, the family went to Oahu, Hawaii, for a week. The kids still rave about it and hope to go back. One wants to live there (good luck). There was no fighting and for me, I had a moment of complete and utter joy. Those moments that happen rarely. |
 |
| Our kids chose going to Glacier Nation Park in 2008 rather than Disneyland. I was kind of bummed since I love Disneyland, but we went whitewater rafting, hiking, and saw the many sites. It has created a great memory for me. |
I found the email that brought on good memories and made me forget life's challenges if but for a moment. Maybe it will hep you, too.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Seasons
I've been spending a lot of time researching my ancestors and loving it. It gets quite time consuming, and I made a comment about it to a friend of mine last week. She said she loved it too, but her 'season' now is for the girls at church, not for genealogy.
I got to thinking about that--seasons. We have many seasons in our life.
The seasons change as we get older--college, marriage, children, those children turn into teenagers, grandchildren, you get my drift. And with each season, we are able to do more or less of the things we like to do. We are also adding to the list by learning and growing.
My list of "TO-DO's" has been growing steady since I was twelve or thirteen. By now, if I were to write it down, it would be several sheets long. There is no way I can do all of the things I love to do. I have come to terms with that. I think it was the lack of money that first made me come to grips with this startling revelation. Then, it was the different 'seasons' in my life that got in the way--college and my studies; marriage and working; motherhood and working; just motherhood; and the list goes on.
Now, add an chronic illness into that. It is really making me fight against, what I call, 'the unfairness of it all.' I've lived through my seasons so now I am ready to PARTY!!!! Wrong. This, too, is another season in my life.
This past Saturday, my husband and I were out in our yard having a pruning demonstration for a few people in our church. These people were so excited at 'our' knowledge of everything. My husband nicely smiled, "Oh no. It is all, Brenda. She taught me. I just do all the grunt work." Then the people turned to me and started asking a ton more questions about anything gardening they could think of.
As I sadly looked at all that needed to be done in my yard, I realized I didn't have the strength or energy to keep up with it, but I did have the knowledge I could share with others. My season for working outside is almost done, but my season for sharing what I know is still in full bloom. And that is what I do. I have an appointment to go to some friends' homes and help in planning their vegetable and flower gardens--what to plant, when to plant, where to plant. I have done this with others for several years now. I also work at the county extension office helping to diagnosis diseased plants and help others with their gardening problems.
My season for genealogy is starting to bloom. If you had asked me when my kids were young, I would have laughed and said, 'Who has time?" I love to sew for Humanitarian Aid. When both my kids were in school, my season was to be the Room Mother. Now I get to help out with children around the world.
So just because you aren't doing something you love to do now (whether it is because of a job, illness, church work, or taking care of someone else) know it is because it is your 'season' to do THIS now. Find something you can do while you are in this season. And look forward to what you are going to be able to do in the next season of your life. You never know, you may regret the things you left in past seasons, but you also may be learning things to help you in future seasons.
I got to thinking about that--seasons. We have many seasons in our life.
- Our childhood: we are pretty much carefree racing around on bikes or scooters. Looking forward to the lazy days of summer. The biggest challenge is getting not to get cooties from HIM or HER or to be picked last for any gym class games.
- The dreaded days of junior high and high school: We are hitting puberty, have the lovely zits, and wish we could drop off the planet. There are the creatures of the opposite who don't have cooties after all. And our biggest disasters are not going to prom, not passing the driver's test, and TO BE called on it class.
The seasons change as we get older--college, marriage, children, those children turn into teenagers, grandchildren, you get my drift. And with each season, we are able to do more or less of the things we like to do. We are also adding to the list by learning and growing.
My list of "TO-DO's" has been growing steady since I was twelve or thirteen. By now, if I were to write it down, it would be several sheets long. There is no way I can do all of the things I love to do. I have come to terms with that. I think it was the lack of money that first made me come to grips with this startling revelation. Then, it was the different 'seasons' in my life that got in the way--college and my studies; marriage and working; motherhood and working; just motherhood; and the list goes on.
Now, add an chronic illness into that. It is really making me fight against, what I call, 'the unfairness of it all.' I've lived through my seasons so now I am ready to PARTY!!!! Wrong. This, too, is another season in my life.
This past Saturday, my husband and I were out in our yard having a pruning demonstration for a few people in our church. These people were so excited at 'our' knowledge of everything. My husband nicely smiled, "Oh no. It is all, Brenda. She taught me. I just do all the grunt work." Then the people turned to me and started asking a ton more questions about anything gardening they could think of.
As I sadly looked at all that needed to be done in my yard, I realized I didn't have the strength or energy to keep up with it, but I did have the knowledge I could share with others. My season for working outside is almost done, but my season for sharing what I know is still in full bloom. And that is what I do. I have an appointment to go to some friends' homes and help in planning their vegetable and flower gardens--what to plant, when to plant, where to plant. I have done this with others for several years now. I also work at the county extension office helping to diagnosis diseased plants and help others with their gardening problems.
My season for genealogy is starting to bloom. If you had asked me when my kids were young, I would have laughed and said, 'Who has time?" I love to sew for Humanitarian Aid. When both my kids were in school, my season was to be the Room Mother. Now I get to help out with children around the world.
So just because you aren't doing something you love to do now (whether it is because of a job, illness, church work, or taking care of someone else) know it is because it is your 'season' to do THIS now. Find something you can do while you are in this season. And look forward to what you are going to be able to do in the next season of your life. You never know, you may regret the things you left in past seasons, but you also may be learning things to help you in future seasons.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Communication
Last week, my husband and I attend a seminar on communication. At first, I thought, "Why do I need to go to this? I know how to talk to people. Besides, this is mainly for business people and I am just a mom." But as the class went on, I found out this was a great thing for me!
While the bulk of the seminar was for business people, the presenters, workbook, manual, and other materials were suitable for everyone. I started thinking about how I communicate with those around me--spouse, children, associates, doctors, friends, and family. I saw how it was relevant to me in everyday life.
One of the stories told was about how a woman went in for surgery. Everything went fine and she came through with flying colors--except...her surgery was for a tonsillectomy and she ended up having her right foot amputated. Why did this happen? It was because all the red warning signs that happened before the surgery to the medical staff were not brought up. They were afraid to communicate their concerns with the well-known surgeon who was working on her. They felt he knew what he was doing and were afraid to question authority, step on toes, hurt someone's feelings, whatever.
I had a similar situation years ago when I was receiving some Solu-Medrol at a hospital for a flair-up of my MS. It is given through IV and the medicine is clear. The nurses have you give your full name and date of birth to verify that this medicine is yours before they hook you up. This was done for me. But as I was looking at the medicine in the bag, it was not clear. It was a thick, red substance. Even though it had my full name on the bag, I kept getting the feeling this was not my medicine. I knew the nurse well so I thought she would know I was to be receiving Solu-Medrol. She kept chatting away to me and getting read to 'plug' me in. I finally couldn't ignore the feeling that this wasn't what I was to be getting, so I asked her, "Did they change the color of Solu-Medrol?" and laughed. The nurse finally looked at the bag. "Are you getting Solu-Medrol? This is iron." She rushed out of the room and re-read my orders. I was to get Solu-Medrol and she had accidentally ordered iron since three other patients that hour were getting iron. If I had not spoken up, I too, would have been getting iron. That would have been a bad thing.
I now take a list when I go to doctors' offices with questions I have. I am not afraid to speak up when I go places where my health is concerned. I want to make sure I have the right care. Here is a good website to check out to help with what you may need to know: http://www.ahrq.gov/questions/beforeappt.htm
Keep following the links for 'during' and 'after' your appointment. You can also print off a sheet for your questions so you can bring them with you. Knowledge is power and can help you so you don't forget anything when you leave there. I always hate it when I remember something as I am driving out of the parking lot. :)
Remember, communication is the key! Are there times when we don't speak up? Or we speak up at bad times and offend others because of how we do it? Do we lack tact? Are we one of those people who are born leaders and have a natural knack for communication? I highly recommend you read the book from this seminar if you fall into one of these categories. http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/0071771328/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328304737&sr=8-1
It just may save your life!
While the bulk of the seminar was for business people, the presenters, workbook, manual, and other materials were suitable for everyone. I started thinking about how I communicate with those around me--spouse, children, associates, doctors, friends, and family. I saw how it was relevant to me in everyday life.
One of the stories told was about how a woman went in for surgery. Everything went fine and she came through with flying colors--except...her surgery was for a tonsillectomy and she ended up having her right foot amputated. Why did this happen? It was because all the red warning signs that happened before the surgery to the medical staff were not brought up. They were afraid to communicate their concerns with the well-known surgeon who was working on her. They felt he knew what he was doing and were afraid to question authority, step on toes, hurt someone's feelings, whatever.
I had a similar situation years ago when I was receiving some Solu-Medrol at a hospital for a flair-up of my MS. It is given through IV and the medicine is clear. The nurses have you give your full name and date of birth to verify that this medicine is yours before they hook you up. This was done for me. But as I was looking at the medicine in the bag, it was not clear. It was a thick, red substance. Even though it had my full name on the bag, I kept getting the feeling this was not my medicine. I knew the nurse well so I thought she would know I was to be receiving Solu-Medrol. She kept chatting away to me and getting read to 'plug' me in. I finally couldn't ignore the feeling that this wasn't what I was to be getting, so I asked her, "Did they change the color of Solu-Medrol?" and laughed. The nurse finally looked at the bag. "Are you getting Solu-Medrol? This is iron." She rushed out of the room and re-read my orders. I was to get Solu-Medrol and she had accidentally ordered iron since three other patients that hour were getting iron. If I had not spoken up, I too, would have been getting iron. That would have been a bad thing.
I now take a list when I go to doctors' offices with questions I have. I am not afraid to speak up when I go places where my health is concerned. I want to make sure I have the right care. Here is a good website to check out to help with what you may need to know: http://www.ahrq.gov/questions/beforeappt.htm
Keep following the links for 'during' and 'after' your appointment. You can also print off a sheet for your questions so you can bring them with you. Knowledge is power and can help you so you don't forget anything when you leave there. I always hate it when I remember something as I am driving out of the parking lot. :)
Remember, communication is the key! Are there times when we don't speak up? Or we speak up at bad times and offend others because of how we do it? Do we lack tact? Are we one of those people who are born leaders and have a natural knack for communication? I highly recommend you read the book from this seminar if you fall into one of these categories. http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/0071771328/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328304737&sr=8-1
It just may save your life!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Things I use for Pain
Yesterday I spoke of pain. I wanted you to think of how you deal with It. Today, I will share how I deal with my forms of It. (Other than the traditional methods)
It has taken me many years of trial and error. I know that for some these things may not work and for others you may think these ways are a bunch of 'hooey,' but if you try them out, you may be surprised.
I hope that through my list you may have found a way to help ease what troubles you.
It has taken me many years of trial and error. I know that for some these things may not work and for others you may think these ways are a bunch of 'hooey,' but if you try them out, you may be surprised.
- Chiropractics--I have been going every month (sometimes twice a month) for over 14 years. There was a time I thought I can't afford this so I am not going. I regretted it and ended up heading back. I have found one I trust with my life. He is now a family friend. His wife and I chat is up when we are there, and he is always asking about my kids. He has seen me on my worst days. His m-i-l had MS, so he knows all about my disease and what will help me. I have gone in at times in my wheelchair and after a few weeks of adjustments, I am back to walking.
- Acupuncture--I get this done at my chiro's office. It is a spinal rehab center so specializes in a lot of pain management. I have this done when I get migraines. Not too often, but it sure does help.
- Micro-current therapy--I do this when I go into for my monthly spinal adjustment. I believe it is why I am walking today. No doubt about it! Again, tried for a few months without, went right back on it. Noticed a huge difference. More balance, less pain, and overall well-being when I am consistent. http://web.me.com/serena1arm/Panacea_Wellness/Microcurrent.html
- Nutrition-- No special diets. I have lost 50 pounds since being diagnosed in 1996 and have kept it off. But the important thing to remember is MODERATION. Don't go pigging out on everything all the time. And don't be eating foods that are bad for you. I eat things low in sodium, low in carbs, high in fiber and protein. It helps with over all well-being and feeling good so that helps me deal with pain better. And being 50 lbs lighter helps with walking and exercise. And I don't beat myself up if I by chance have a day or two (or a week of vacation) where I eat really bad. I just go back on the moderation diet.
- Yoga--Yes, yoga. I am not consistent with this although I try to be. I have several videos I have at home I work on. It helps with spasticity in my legs and with balance. My cat loves to try to join me on this and hasn't figured out the she usually gets a good toss out of the room each time. :) Videos I love for my workouts--easy to hard: http://www.mobilityltd.com/pathways.htm ; http://www.amazon.com/AM-PM-Yoga-Beginners-VHS/dp/094567189X/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1327340055&sr=1-2 (am portion with rodney yee. PM portion too hard) ; http://www.amazon.com/M-Yoga-Your-Week/dp/B000YV1L4E/ref=pd_sim_mov_3 (different am version)
- Essential Oils--I was introduced to these by another s-i-l of mine who then had her brother (my outlaw--hahaha) show me the wonders of these. I will be talking about the brand I use which is doTerra, but there are others out there. http://www.doterra.com/us/essentialDefinition.php I first tried AromaTouch® Massage Blend to help with my neuropathy as my outlaw told me this was something to have been shown to help diabetic neuropathy. I have since moved on to Frankincense, Peppermint, Deep Blue® Soothing Blend and others to help with my MS symptoms. I have been able to go off of some of my synthetic medications completely, my pain is all but gone, and my neuropathy is under control. I have even shared some of this pain-controlling stuff with my rose-growing friend. She is excited to give it a try. (If any of you are interested, I can tell you about these. There are all sorts of things, from calming scents to oils to freshen your house. I love the lemon! I add it to furniture polish to my water to frosting for cookies.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)