Friendly Advice?

I am sure we have all received advice from those that mean well--an older person with years of experience trying to share a bit with you; or a young, single know-it-all giving you fresh-out-of-college textbook knowledge on how to raise your passel of kids.  Do you glare at them and tell them where to shove it (I have wanted to at times)?  Or smile sweetly, nod and think to yourself about the impertinent co-ed "Just you, wait, honey, your day is coming!"?

With the decision to make my MS more known to others, I have been the 'brunt' of many unsolicited pieces of 'friendly advice.'  Everyone knows of somone's great-aunt's niece who has MS.  At first, I was really annoyed (I am toning this word down, haha) with this bit of comparison.  I really didn't care.  But over the years, I have mellowed out.

I am, now, willing to listen to people offer their advice. Some of it maybe beneficial.  If it sounds good, and I don't get in warning sounds in my head, I will research on my own.  I have found a lot helpful things in this life for my health and my well-being (mentally, spiritually, and physically) through research.   If red flags go up, I thank them for their 'friendly advice' and go my way.  If they are trying to sell me something or get me to join something, I am honest with them.  I tell them I am researching it and will get back with them.  And I do--good or bad.  If they can't take it, too bad for them.  I tell them, I am on many medications that will not mix with many of their 'remedies.'  That shuts many of them up.

There is only one time this didn't work.  This person was relentless.  She wouldn't listen to anything I had to say--even NO.  For over six months, she insisted on finding and giving me advice for helping me with MS and it culminated in me finally blocking her number.

Now this is a case of BAD advice, but there is GOOD advice, too.  And we have the great job to try and not get so upset with all the friendly advice out there we forget to notice when the good stuff is given.

Have we had several times in our lives when small moments stand out when a friend said something to us that at the time we took as criticism but was meant to help us become a better person?

There is one when I was about nineteen.  A family friend pulled me aside and told me I needed to accept compliments with a 'thank you' instead of with a 'Yah, sure' and maybe, people would be more likely to compliment me. The reply that jumped to my lips was----You guessed it 'Yah, sure.'

But since that day, I have been very self-conscience about it, and I now accept compliments graciously.

Another example of friendly advice for me helped me swallow my pride.  Yes, one of the 7 Deadly Sins.


In 2008, I developed foot drop.  It is where you are unable to lift the front of your foot so you are constantly dragging your toes and tripping over them.  I was told I would have to wear an AFO.
I really didn't want to do this.  As I said in an early writing (see Loss of Hiking), I was fighting this one tooth and nail.  So, I continued to wear my big clunky sandals and to trip over my toes, scrapping them quite often. (Must say, my pride took a beating during the few months before I got my AFO).

During the summer months, I work at the Country Extension office in the Gardening Department.  I help with the phones and diagnosing plant and insect problems.  It was while I was there I got my advice.  A good friend there asked what was wrong so I told her all about my problem and fears.  She  told me she had had the same problem about three years ago, but her foot drop was due to surgery.  She wore her AFO for 9 months.  It was her 'lifesaver' and couldn't live without it.   And although hers was due to a bit of nerve damage and it went away, she would wear it all over again if she had too.  Then, she looked me straight in the eye and told me I would be doing myself a favor by getting one.  'No one will know you have it. And you will be able to walk.'

I went in the next day and was fitted for my AFO.

Life is full of those who give us advice.  It is how we take it and how we use it that matters.  And while there are times some of that 'friendly advice' isn't so 'friendly,' there are REAL friends out there who are with us to help sift through the pieces and find what's worth keeping.