Craft room

Over the holidays, I have been looking at my disastrous craft room and wondering how I'm ever going to find the bottom of it.  I often fantasize of a large fire gutting it and thinking it would be the easiest way--or some other natural or man-made disaster.  Every time I spend time cleaning a closet, drawer, or surface that spot soon gets taken over by the creep that is slowly taking over my life in that part of the house.

It wasn't always that way.  I had a spot for everything.  A part of the room was for sewing, for scrapbooking, for etching, for quilting, and for my computer writing.  I had the bills set off to one side so every two weeks I could find them and get them paid on time.  I am a pile person and every pile had its designated spot.

Enter family.  When they have no idea where something goes, they decide Mom knows what to do with it.  So the best place for that object always is THE CRAFT ROOM.  Down the hall they traipse and any flat surface it goes.  Most of the time it is in front of my monitor.  Which for me, means my other stuff gets shoved to any other clean surface.

Do I need to explain further?  Junk mail?  Mom's office.  Bills?  Mom's office. Tubes of lotion? Mom's office.  (What is wrong with the bathroom  or trash?  How many tubes do we need?) Left-over book-binders and papers from school (again the trash)?  and the list goes on.

I stopped learning new crafty things since my shelves were filled with unfinished or need-to-do projects.  I have given mounds of things to second-hand stores for other 'unlearned' souls to pick up. On good days, I just throw things out.  And yet, the trash never ends.  I feel like I am drowning in it.

"They" say 'cleanliness is next to Godliness.'  Well, in my craft room, I am a long, long way from heaven.

Family Part 2

My daughter came home earlier than expect from college, and I was thrilled.  I enjoy having her home.  She is a big help to me.  I am sure as each of our children leave the nest, we realize exactly what they did for us.  But while they are at home, all we see are the messes they create.

I remember during each phase of my children I would tell myself--"If I live through this, it will get easier."  I remember my mother telling me: 'Don't wish this away.  They are only two once.'  Or they're only eight once.  At the time, I just laughed and cleaned up spilled milk and broken Legos.

But as I get older, I realize your family is everything.  I cherished the moments, when being down with an MS relapse, I had the kids crawl in bed with me and we read any book they wanted.  Or, we played Monkey Tails for my daughter's fifth birthday party.  Another time, we decorated over fifty sugar cookies for Christmas just because they didn't want to stop.  One year, for my son's fourth birthday, we had a Zorro-themed party and to make the cake black enough, I had to use a ton of coloring.  All the kids left with black teeth and tongues.  They thought it cool, but I'm not sure the parents did.

These memories became fewer and fewer as my kids became 'too cool' for this stuff but there are times I hear them talking about it.  This Christmas, we pulled out some of the old books I used to read every holiday, and both kids were laughing at how they loved this one or that one.  Some of the scratch-n-sniff ones still had their scents, and my kids were yumming or yucking over them still.  It makes a mother's heart warm all over again.

We do need to appreciate our family.  A dear friend lost one of her son's this past holiday.  My heart ached for her as we went to the funeral last weekend.  My son was friends with one of the brothers. As we listened to the family share their memories, I couldn't help but think what a bad time to lose someone.  Why is it always the holidays?  I have lost loved ones over holidays and it makes you more aware of your family and how much they mean to you.

Take time this holiday season, no matter if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or none at all, to call your family--make amends.  Let grudges go and let forgiveness fill your soul.  It is time to remember happier times and love those who gave you life.

If you have no family, find a friend who has gone out of the way to help you in a time of need.  Thank them and spend some time with them.  Start the new year with a clean page in a new book.

ATV'ing with Dad 2000

Canyonlands National Park UT   2001

Oahu, HI  2007

Glacier National Park MT  2008

Keep Swimming

As Dory, from Pixar's ©  Finding Nemo says, 'Just keep swimming,' we have to do that in life.  As soon as we wake up in the morning, we need to decide --are we getting up to start the day or are we going to lounge around and do nothing?

Now growing up, I was the type who didn't want to miss a thing--ever.  I was labeled Miss Snoopy, Miss Butt-Insky, Miss Know-it-All, and whatever name is out there for one who has the "Inquiring Mind."  I never wanted to go to bed because I was sure I was going to miss something.  I had to be involved in every activity known to man since I had to learn it all and do it all.  BUT I never finished half of these activities, as soon as I found something else I wanted to learn and do.  My poor parents finally put their foot down and said, 'NO, enough!'  That included my siblings that followed me.

Now in high school, I had settled into a pattern of the fine arts and put my energy into that.  So I was busy and had fun.  I got involved with church activities and had a job.  I was the typical A personality and was loving life.  I went to college and continued the full speed ahead motion with a full 18-credit load, symphonic orchestra, a committee thrown in for good measure and several sophomore level classes.  I added a job my second year, had a car, and better friends--well you get the picture...run, run...run.  I graduate and moved on.  Got a great job and married a great man.

Fast forward many years to this whirlwind girl slowing down.  Yesterday, we talked of sacrifices. There were many things I had to give up in my life of go and do.  I talked of my violin.  I have mentioned hiking.  But that is not what I want to say.  I am here to say KEEP SWIMMING!

In 1997, Rick (my DH) and I decided to go to an MS group support meeting.  I was lost and wanting to talk to others who had what I had.  I wanted to see how they were handling it.  After that meeting, I never went to another meeting again.  Everyone there, except the coordinator, was moaning about how bad his/her life was. How her husband had left her.  How he couldn't climb mountains any more. How he was stuck in a wheelchair.  How she had to use a catheter.  And on and on and on.  Most people had had MS for over 10 years and I was thinking 'Oh my gosh!  That's me in X years.'    I fled the scene in tears.

From that day, I have decided I would never be like that.  I would keep swimming.  I would think positive thoughts.  It has been proven that laughter is good for you.  I, also, think positive thinking helps you to overcome and get around things you otherwise couldn't do.   http://www.umm.edu/features/laughter.htm

I love to garden so I took a Master Gardening class years ago.  As my disease progresses and I can do less outside, I volunteer more at the county extension and do things on the inside.  I keep swimming.


With my own garden, I have my husband and son put things in nice rows with hard walkways in between.  I plant (or try to) limited amounts of produce.  I use my knowledge of water conservation and weed control to help minimize my work out there so I can still garden.  Keep Swimming.

I love to be outdoors camping, hiking, and fishing.  My husband has helped in this by slowly acquiring ATV's so we can still get in the back woods since I can't hike that far.  We now have a small travel trailer with a toilet instead of a tent so I don't have to use the porta potty any more.  It is difficult with my AFO to use that.  And now with my AFO, I qualify for a life-time fishing permit so we search out the lakes or streams with easier access for me to climb down to.  Keep swimming.


I love to do crafts and crochet.  As my hands get worse, I do things in spurts, change or learn new crafts, and up the size of the crochet needle.  Keep Swimming.


Another thing about keep swimming is to listen to your doctor--all your doctors.  During the first 2 years of my disease, I switched neurologists three times before I found one I could trust and had a good repoire with.  I have been with him for 13 1/2 years.  He encourages me to do things that are good for me that make me feel good--yoga, vitamins, good eating habits, and anything that I find helps me out.  I am a believer in mixing Eastern and Western medicine.  I have done acupuncture, chiropractics, essential oils, and micro-current.  I keep swimming.


The most important reason I think I keep swimming is through is my Savior.  If it wasn't for daily pray and  the faith to get out of bed each day, I wouldn't be where I am. His strength and peace get me through the rough times.  Because we all know every day isn't always going to be a good day.  So when we do have good days, we need to be thankful for them and Keep Swimming!

Sacrifice

As we go through life, there are many things we take for granted.  As little kids, the world is ours. Our parents are there to give us everything in it.  From the moment we are born, every whim is taken care of.  And with each passing year, it is gimme, gimme, gimme.

As teenagers, we were especially selfish.  We thought we were all that and then some.  Strutting down the school halls with are hair fixed and shellacked to perfection.  Doused in so much cologne I am sure the teachers were gagging.  I know my drama coach had a permanent face rash from his allergies to the scents we brought into the small room.

But as we mature, we come to know the sacrifices our parents and others made for us.  Like Mr. Spencer, my drama coach made having his face in a constant rash while boys and girls had cologne, perfume, hairspray, and who knows what other ghastly smells wafting around the tech area of the drama wing of school.  And parents, the sleepless hours waiting for their teens to come home from the "hang outs" or dates.

When sacrifice is done for love it isn't too bad.  Giving up that last brownie for your husband and watching him enjoy it,  brings you great pleasure.  Staying up late at night so you can be there when your son gets home from prom and then listen to him share his excitement is almost as much fun as being there yourself.

But, when spend all day sewing your daughter's Halloween costume to have her throw it on the floor and say it is the ugliest thing she has ever seen and won't wear it. That rips your heart out.  Or when you have slaved all day over a meal, your kids get up to the table, make gagging noises and starve rather than eat.  What can you say to that?

And yet there is another type of sacrifice, yet.  One I keep finding out a little bit everyday with this disease of mine.  It takes a bit here and a bit there.  It is hard for me to swallow and at times, I do throw huge hissy fits over it now and then, but I have to remember, there is nothing I can do about it.  Nothing!

I remember the first thing I lost was feeling in my finger tips.  It was after my first big relapse. Imagine you have Band-Aids© on all your fingers.  That is how it started off for me.  I had to re-teach myself to write, type, anything using your fingers.  I can't tell you how many times I burned my fingers.  It was the smell of burning flesh that tipped me off first.  :)  It is much better now 12 years later.  I just have tingling fingers that get worse if I use them too much.  I must say, violin playing is quite limited.  1st-sacrifice.

Other things have been added to the list and I won't go on.  But I have also added things to the list to replace all the things I have lost.  There is no need to regret the things I have had to sacrifice. Even though I have lost my ability to play the violin at a symphonic level, I do get it out and play it at a beginner's level.  I play alright if I memorize the music. I have to watch where I place my fingers since there is no feeling in them any more.  My daughter is extremely good at the violin and I have helped her with her private students in their recitals.  It has made me feel good to get out there and play again.

Yes, sacrifice is asked of all of us--time, money, effort, and even health,  But it is how we handle it and what we do with ourselves and others that makes us who we are.

Family

When my Grandmother passed away this past March, we found boxes of old photos just wasting away. With these photos were mounds of genealogy she had agreed to keep for the family.  No one had been allowed to see them or touch them until now.  I volunteered to preserve the photos, get them on CD's and pass them out to the main lines of the family.  My dad, as the eldest son, got the genealogy.

Yesterday, I was sitting at my parents' heavy, wooden table going through a few old photos with my dad hoping for names to add to my CD.  He gave me a few.  But with the rest, he was as clueless as I was.  We both agreed it was important to label pictures with more than "Here I is, Grandma"  as one photo said.

He shared how he is going through all our family photos and doing just what I am doing. Even just in the almost fifty years as a family, he and my mother have to think hard on places and years. Important to label!

As we were going through the photos, I received a stressing phone call from a dear friend.  I went from enjoying old family to mourning young family.  She had just lost her son,  That got me thinking about my mother.  Fifteen years ago, her brother, who was an insurance salesman, was lured to a parking lot for a supposed claim and shot point blank.  Then, I thought about my brother, who just this summer lost a dear friend to a hate crime.  And so my mine ran on--friends, family and lost loved ones.

Family and friends.  What are they to us?  How do we treat them? Do they know we love them?

Life is short.  We don't know if we are here for twenty minutes or twenty years.  We need to make every moment count and treat those around us with respect--whether they're family or friends.  I know we try are best and often people get under our skin.

A few weeks ago, I heard a talk in church that impressed me.  A young father told me when he was about twenty-one, he really was having a hard time getting on with his siblings.  He was single and just moved back home after college.  They kept 'pushing his buttons.'  He said an older friend told him if he couldn't find what it is in him that needed to change or control, his siblings would keep pushing buttons.  And he would keep getting upset and the cycle would never change.  And if he couldn't learn to deal his siblings, he couldn't learn to deal a wife or kids.  That one bit of advice made him look at his life and see what needed to change.

So what do we need to change?  I think this week I am going to look in the mirror every day and ask myself that:  Brenda--what do YOU need to change?

My paternal great-grandfather Anglo Moore  Saxton
June 1918  WWI

My paternal grandmother Hellen Leuvica Saxton
Dec 1944

Family Fun in Yellowstone Oct 2006
overlooking Yellowstone Falls and freezing
Photo By Virginia Stevens
l to r: Rick Segeberg, Taylor Segeberg, Brenda Segeberg, Jessica Segeberg, Peige Stevens

Dino Digging in Vernal    October 2005
l-r: Virginia Stevens, Jessica Segeberg, Taylor Segeberg, Peige Stevens

Charlotte Sophia  'Lottie' Simon
My maternal great-grandmother
about 1918

Muriel Naomi Mansfield
My maternal grandmother
about 1944

Gratitude

I have a book I keep with a list of things I am grateful for.  I actually used to keep it in my old Palm and had a list that ran four years.  It had hundreds of items from the serious, like my family and God, to silly things, like my dishwasher and a day at the Lagoon where my family didn't fight.  But, someone stole the thing probably thinking it was a smart phone.  Too bad for him/her and so sad for me.  I had over six years of medical records on there and fours years of thankfulness in it.  And none of it could be back up anymore since it was so antiquated.

But, since this is a gratitude post, I will say is was kudos for me since I got a new smart phone out of the loss.  I took me six months to learn how to work the thing, and I have put my thankful list in a book--more permanent, but not as handy.  And, I don't remember everything from my Palm list, so sad.

It is nice to write down what you're thankful for.  It helps you remember them and as you write it down, you remember more.  On bad days, if you read over the list, it cheers you up and makes you realize your life really isn't as terrible as you think it is.

Like I said above, I write down everything.  I wrote down last November I was thankful for our new mattress.  We got a screaming Black Friday deal on a Sleep Number© bed.  So I wrote down I was thankful for the Black Friday special and the mattress.  I think I have included the mattress on my list several times this year--especially after we go out-of-town and sleep in another bed.  :)

You think you don't have anything to be thankful for?  I was reading an article this morning, and it gave some suggestions.  It mentioned we usually don't start thinking about these things because we are too busy taking things for granted.  I know this was me when my health was good.  I never thought about walking, energy levels, or even if I would wake up and not be able to get out of bed in the morning.  It is only natural.  But you know, we may not always have a job, food on the table, our car, our family, our friends, our good health, or whatever.  We need to look around and start enjoying what we have now.

Here are 10 steps to help you find 100 things to be thankful for this holiday season:

Name 10 things of each of these:

1. Physical things you are able to do
2. Items you own
3. People you know
4. People who have died
5. Things in nature
6. Things this year
7. Things today
8. Foods you love
9. Things that make you life easier
10. Books you love

Now wasn't that easy?  Your book has been started.  When you are discouraged and want to go back to bed for the day, pull put your list and read it over.  I bet you feel better.

A song I like to sing when I am down is:

Count Your Blessings 

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings; name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.

[Chorus]
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your blessings;
See what God hath done.
Count your blessings;
Name them one by one.
Count your many blessings;
See what God hath done.

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings; ev’ry doubt will fly,
And you will be singing as the days go by.

[Chorus]

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you his wealth untold.
Count your many blessings; money cannot buy
Your reward in heaven nor your home on high.

[Chorus]

So amid the conflict, whether great or small,

Do not be discouraged; God is over all.
Count your many blessings; angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

[Chorus]
Text: Johnson Oatman, Jr., 1856–1922
Music: Edwin O. Excell, 1851–1921


So this season and throughout the year, let us Count Our Blessings and shout out our Gratitude!

Pets

I was getting ready to come on yesterday to post about pets and tell how they need to be in your life.  I have had many in mine and remember them all.

But, yesterday's experience with my daughter's cat left me seeing red and not wanting to share sweet ramblings about pets and what they did for me and my life.  Or what they can do for any one's life  for that matter.  My daughter's cat is lucky to have a home today.  She is lucky to even be in this earthly life.

Monday night, my family decorated our lovely Christmas tree.  A little late this year, thanks to me suffering a concussion.

I was so excited to put down my new tree skirt, and I even put the old green in the back for the cat to lay on.  

The next morning, I come out to find she had barfed red throw up on the Jesus stocking (in front) and on the white part of the tree skirt.  Couldn't hit the the carpet, could she?!  And it had to be reddish!!! 

I spent the next 13 hours carefully sponging out the stain and trying to find the feline.  She was laying low!  Cats do have the sixth sense.

Of all the pets my family had had, I must say Brick or Breeko is the only one I truly like.  He is the one in the picture with me above.  And yes, he is a pit bull. And before all of you go running off with your crap about how bad they are maybe you should read up on all the good stuff.

Brick is really called a Staffordshire Bull Terrier among other names.  They got the bad rap when they were bred for bull-baiting back in England and around the 1930's in the US.  Some people even today still treat them mean and use them for guard dogs.  

But, if like Brick, they are raised in a good home with people who love them, you get a fun-loving dog, who likes to play and work and is very obedient.  He does everything full force and is extremely intelligent.  When you talk to him, he tilts his head from side to side like he is trying to understand you.  And then answers back with a yip or sometimes a loud bark.  He does make me laugh.

He understands the words toy, bone, park, play, peanut butter (his favorite treat), walk, and any of Taylor's girlfriends--past or present.  And you best be plugging your ears if you say these words in his present.  :)

He thinks everyone that comes to this house is here to play with him.  He barks loudly to let us know someone is here then dashes off to get his toy.  Workmen often have humored me (I think) and tossed the toy around the house for him to chase while they have installed things.  Most are amazed at how friendly he is.

I usually try to put him outside when they arrive, which makes him very disappointed.  I have to play with him a bit to make it up to him.

Catching air

Bringing home

Again?

His happy face

These are all of Brick having fun!

BTW:  His name was given to him by his previous owner.  I guess as a puppy his head was so big it kept tipping him over.  It was shaped like a brick so the name just stuck.  It does cause confusion with my husband's name so sometimes we add a Spanish accent to it, hence Breeko.  Taylor's doing.

Pet Peeves

• Christ getting left out of Christmas
• commercialism  (see above)
• zipper pull getting stuck in the down position when you need to pull UP you zipper
• 'IT' people who talk down to you
• Fixing dinner only to have others say 'Ewwwwww....'
• People texting or talking on their cells phones while trying to drive (say a highway patrol doing this while trying to merge on the freeway.  REALLY?)
• People who make excuses instead of just being honest and tell me 'No, thank you.'

I will stop there for today.  :)

Hope you have a great Pearl Harbor Day and Remember Those who sacrificed their all to keep us free today.   http://www.pearlharboroahu.com/

Been here and loved it.  Great teaching point for the kids!

B&C Cooking

I have nothing against B&C Cooking.  Nothing at all.

What is B&C, you ask?  Box and can.

There are boxes and cans I use in my stuff all the time--Cream of Chicken soup for a quick gravy base or baking soda that comes in those orange boxes for helping your biscuits come out nice and fluffy.  But there are some things I draw the line at.  Or I used to.

I have been one that loves to create in the kitchen.  I have every little gadget known to woman to help things go easier, and believe me, now that things are slowing down they sure come in handy.  When my kids were little, I was the mother who made fancy theme parties with cakes to match.  I read cooking magazines and ripped out every recipe that sounded even remotely appealing and often subjected others to my experiments. (In fact, I still have a folder chocked full of those recipes still waiting to be tried).  My motto is--Fresh is Best.

Even now I try to do fresh, from scratch, home-grown goodness.  But I have learned this all takes the dreaded 'E' word--energy.  And with learning, comes some compromise to preserve this energy.

I was putting together lasagna Saturday, all of it from my head and from 'scratch' with from ingredients from my freezer.  No big warehouse, frozen ready made dish here and I thought, 'WOW! This was easy.'  Some from boxes and cans, but all good for me and none of the preservatives that come from the freezer section of the market.

Then I remembered were I got this advice from.  I was in the midst of tomato canning season and had an abundance.  I was thinking of making spaghetti sauce from scratch and was getting overwhelmed at the thought, seeing as I had just finished up 24 pints of tomato sauce.  An older lady friend told me about a packet of spaghetti seasoning mix she used, all natural, and saved her the time and hassle.  Just add the toms and process.  Presto!  Instant spaghetti sauce.  So I have been doing this ever since and freezing or canning it.  Makes great anything pasta sauce!

She was also the one who gave me a recipe for canned apple pie filling.  That gave me the idea to look up other fruit pie filling.  Now I have ready-made pie filling to through in my pies.  Saves me time and energy.  A little time spent during canning season, and I am free all winter to enjoy the benefits--especially at holiday times!

Over the years, my making everything from the ground up at every meal is over.  I just don't have energy or time.  I have learned to make extras when I do have the big 'E' and 'T.'  I freeze it and pull it out later, like I did yesterday.  I have also learned it is okay to have breakfast for dinner once and a while.  It is also okay to have a frozen pizza or frozen egg rolls, too.  B&C is OK in moderation.  I am not going to die from it.  In fact, Rick and Taylor (my son) have benefited from watching me crash and burn and not be the Wonder Woman I think I am.

While I do not like the high-sodium, high-fructose corn syrup items, I do look for things healthy to have when I just can't do it.  I keep them in the large freezer for times when the W.W. can't handle it.  And for me, it is more than I care to admit.  I do have canned items, like beans and chicken,  to throw in things for fast lunches, also.  But again, I check labels for the nutrition label.


Items I find useful for quick and easy meals:

1. The Crockpot (Turn leftover roast into bbq sandwiches. A favorite here.)
2. The Grill (Fast and easy for low fat meals any time.  Who says you can't grill in the snow?)
3. Frozen Leftovers (lasagna works great!)

I have added  recipes for a few items my family loves!  And for canning, nothing says it has to be done in the fall.  I sometimes, save it for winter when I have energy.  It warms up the house, too!

Leftover Pulled Pork (or Beef) Sandwiches

*from the roast cooked in your crock pot

either leave in your crock pot on low  for 6 hrs or simmer in sauce pan for 1 hr

use up to 1/2 bottle Bull's Eye© (our favorite flavor is the Kansas City)

     *has no-high fructose corn syrup

after warm, serve on hard rolls with favorite side dish

Canned or Frozen Apple Pie Filling    This recipe is from All Recipes.com

               about  7  qts.

2 tsp. ground cinnamon              3 tbsp. lemon juice.

1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg               2 tsp. salt

1 c. cornstarch                           10 c. water

4 1/2 c. sugar                    

about 6 lbs. apples

1-In lrg pan,mix sugar, cornstarch, cinnamon, &nutmeg. Add salt & water & mix well. Bring to a

boil and cook until thick & bubbly. Remove from heat & add lemon juice. 2-Peel, core, and wedge

apples. Pack apples into hot, sterilized jars, leaving 1/2” head space. 3-Fill jars with hot syrup; remove

air bubbles. 4-Put hot lids on and process in water bath canner for 20 minutes. Or you can place immediately into freezer containers.  *can add 2 drops yellow food coloring.

I have noticed sometimes certain apples are running when canned, so I just drain off the juice before pouring into pie crust.  

I also have given this out as Christmas gifts.  Just decorate top with Christmas fabric and give with frozen pie crust.  It's a hit for those busy mom's at Christmas!

***Not to be eaten***

Best Furniture Polish Ever--works great on heirloom furniture

1 cup olive oil

few drops essential lemon oil to add a fresh scent

goes rancid fast so if you don't dust often, you may want to half the recipe.

Set Backs

We all suffer set backs in life--loss of a job, loss of a loved one, loss of your health. Some of us have more than others and some of us experience it earlier in life that others.


I remember driving my son to another late night run to the ER when he was about seven or eight and he asked me why him.  "Why is it always me, Mom?"  I felt his pain and was crying inside, wanting to give him answer.  


During the first fourteen years of my son's life, I think we saw his pediatrician at least twice a month and visited the ER or Insta-care once during that same month.  He is the only boy I know who has received a colonoscopy by age nine with pictures to prove it.  He has had x-rays and MRI's of every bone in his body and had a few surgeries added to the list.


I have told him that empathy is a strong advocate to add to a resume.  As a 17-year, he is not amused.  But as a 43-year, I can and do stand in his shoes.


I used to be one of those women who would dash through life with a thousand things to do and run over everyone in my way that was prohibiting me from getting it done.  If there was a shorter line in the store, I would dash to it and see that Grandma with her walker didn't get there first.  "Too bad lady, I don't have time for YOU today."


I was also the first to cut you off in traffic to make it through the orange light first since my kids were getting out of school, and I was late in picking them up.  I had just been to ten stores in the mall to get all the sales and dashed across the parking lot.  I was running, running, running.  Places to go, people to see, thing to do.


And then, that fateful day in 1996.   I personally think it was the Lord's way of saying SLOW DOWN.  Smell the roses.   You need to learn a lesson or two about others and learn some Charity!!


Now I don't think I have ever been rude or down right mean.  I gave up that life in elementary school.  But I started to forget my fellowmen.  I got swallowed up in my little world and forgot there were others around me with problems, too.


So I did start to slow down.  I looked around at the grandma I cut off at the grocery store.  I looked at the mothers struggling with their children and the groceries in the parking lots.  I looked at disabled people, veterans, homeless people, older and younger people.  For the first time, I was aware of those around me and I was aware of setbacks.


I became aware of the word empathy.  It is to experience the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.  It is not the same as sympathy or to feel sorry for another. I was starting to understand what our Savior, Jesus Christ, felt for us in the Garden of Gethsemane when he Atoned for our sins. He was there for us and He knows us. Even though I couldn't know what each of these people felt in each of their situations, I could empathize with the pain of their setback.


I must say my setback has made me a nicer person.  I am no longer on the go, go, go. I do stop and smell the roses although, I don't always want to. Which is why I wrote about having a 95% positive attitude.  There are times when I think we are allowed to wallow in self-pity, but we don't need to stay there. Wallowing won't get us anywhere and makes others despise us.  No one likes a gloomy Gus.


Today in church, a friend mentioned about trials, and said she liked to ask herself, "How is this one perfect for me?" 


So on your trial (setback), ask yourself: How is it perfect for you?


And I like really like this quote by Regina Brett: If we threw all our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.


Going back to my friend's quote and adding it to the one with Regina Brett, the Lord must some how think my setback is perfect for me, because I have tried to throw it back into the pile and some how I keep grabbing it back!

Left undone

I am one to have great ideas--at about 2 am.  I think of thousands of things I should have done and hundreds of things I should do.  I flip on the bedside lamp and scribble a note of the few hundred things I am going to do in the morning, turn out the light, and then itemize in my head how to do it so my energy is best used.

By morning, I have come to my senses and realize I can only do about twenty things on my list and am raring to go.  I grab my scribbled note and notice it is just that--a scribble.  I can comprehend about three things off of it and vaguely remember one other.  So I have four things to do.  Not bad really, for a Domestic Goddess.

Note on the name:  My hubby, Rick, has always given me pet names in the 21+ years we have been married.  He loves me and builds up my ego.  Thanks, dear!  To him, I am his Goddess.  When I become a stay-at-home-mom, he just added Domestic to the front of that.  At one time, he even slipped it into the signature line of my email page, and I didn't notice it until about a week after sending out many emails to friends and colleagues.   Most embarrassing.   There was once he even found me a pair of pj's with the name printed on the front.  I guess I am not the only Domestic Goddess in the world.

Anyway, back to the story:  I start off doing the normal household jobs any D.G. does during the day.  Immediately, my energy goes from 100% to  60%.  That is even with following my rule of You Can Do Anything in 15 Minutes.   So my list of four items becomes a list of two.

I decide to start on the most important one.  Energy goes from 60-0 in no time flat.  Kind of like they say a car goes from 0 to 60 in no time flat. Just backwards for me.

Let me give you some examples of past projects:

Gardening--

Go buy all the plants, come home, put them in the right rows (which I know I shouldn't be done right away but I want to), water them so they don't go into shock, label them all so they look neat, cage the tomatoes, put away all the tools you took out, clean up any other mess including yourself, and walk happily back into the house proud of yourself because you have been self-sufficient and will have fresh produce in the fall.

Reality:

1st scenario--
Day 1--Buy Plants,  fighting crowds at nursery and through town.  Drag yourself home, barely get plants out of hot car before they die. Trip over eager dog coming into the house. Crash and burn in A/C house.
Day 2--Get up at 6 am to beat heat.  Go out to garden to find son didn't build rows so you could plant your plants.  Drag self back into house after watering plants so they don't die in heat. Trip over dog as he runs out of the house thinking you want to play.  Lay low in A/C house for rest of day stewing because project not getting done.
Day 3--Get up at 7 am to work in the now warming up day. Dog follows you out of the house this time.  Plant half your plants in the rows your son angrily made.  Label half.  Crawl back to house because it got too hot.  Done in for rest of the day.  Nothing else gets done. Dog whines because you can't play.  Husband and son finish up rest of garden.
Day 4--Get up at 6:30 am and go out and fix the garden because it is not perfect and make men of the house angry because you fixed their job.


Another scenario--

Later in the gardening season--

Weeds are out of control and I ignore my 15 min advice.  I decide to spend 30 minutes out there. Feeling great and it is a cool morning.  BUT when I see a weed, it leads to another weed and so forth.  So about an hour later, I realize I am done in and have no strength left to get back to the house.  And no one is home.  So I just sit there among my tomatoes and wait for my legs to start working again. The dog, hoping I will play, is prancing back and forth.  About 30-40 minutes of watching spiders and ants and drawing designs in the soil, I am able to pull myself up on my cane and hobble back to the house.  The dog, excited, is weaving around me trying to make me fall and break a leg.

Ok, those are ideas I am able to finish--sort of.  But there are great ideas I am not able to finish like the refinishing the upstairs bathroom or pruning the apple tree my husband or son have had to finish up. There are craft projects in my sewing room undone--not because of lack of energy but because of loss of other things-- hand or eye coordination to name a few.

But with all the frustrations with this disease and all the projects I dream up and leave for others, I do keep plugging away.  If I stop, my brain and body will stop.  I can't let it happen.  I have seen what happens to those that give up.  As long as there are tomatoes to plant and weed, walls that need to be torn down and refinished, or a new afghan to be crocheted, I will keep trying to find a way around my MS to do it.

A Poinsettia Tree Skirt--started by me but finished by my dear friend Edel Erickson.  When she found out I couldn't finish it because of my hands, she offered to do it for me.  I did 15 of the red poinsettias and 4 of the white squares.  What a great friend!  Thanks, Edel!  I get to use it this year under my tree.

Loss of Hiking?

Growing up as a kid, my family loved to go hiking back in the Bob Marshal Wilderness in Montana for a week and rough it with everything you could haul on your back.  I loved it and did it in my early 20's with several other adventurous young adults and always hoped to do the same with my family.  Go back in 7 miles or more and live off the land.  I had the perfect spot picked out and was just waiting for the day.

In the summer of '07, I started to notice my right foot dragging more and tripping me when I went upstairs. It didn't happen all the time so I didn't bring it up with my neurologist or make a big issue of it.  But in the Fall of '07, it was mentioned he didn't think I was doing as well as he thought on current my MS medication. Maybe I should think of switching to Tysabri www.tysabri.com. I panicked.

I had heard about that drug.  It had been black boxed in 2005 for deaths linked to it.  I thought I had a good thing going with what I was on, why mess with it, right?  We had a good talk, my neurologist and I, and he listened to my fears and pointed out things that weren't going well with me.  I had been with him since 1998 and he knew me well.  He pointed out even Tylenol had issues when it first came out. "Think about it."

I did.  I researched and talked with Rick and both sides of the  family.  And we all prayed.  Late in December, Rick and I felt I should go on Tysabri. The answer was strong and clear. I had to go off all MS medications for a month to clear my system of everything before I could start.  Can I say scary?  I had been on stuff for 10 years. What a leap of faith!

MS is  an auto-immune disease meaning your body attacks itself.  You have no defense against anything since your body is too busy fighting what should be the good guys in your body.  That is what I used to tell others.  So I get every cold or illness others are so gracious to share with me.

While I was off my MS meds (Feb of 2008), I got the worst flu I have every had.  I thought I was going to die.  My children thought I was going to die.  My darling husband was off in Taiwan for work and  not aware just how bad the situation was. I called him about a week later and asked if he could please come home.  I could not move my legs, arms, anything. The children were scared, and my mother had flown (can cars fly?) three times in three days over 60 miles through Salt Lake City to be with me leaving her job in a lurch.

After pulling some major strings, he jumped on the next available flight and flew non-stop from Taipei to SLC only to find me, as I said--almost dead.  That was the worst spring of my life.

I started Tysabri in March of '08 and with each infusion (one a month) I felt life creep into my veins.  I lost use of my right leg for several months and was devastated.  Did I make a mistake switching over?  Did I wait too long to switch over?  Then for one blessed month I had total use of the whole leg and foot--yippee!!!  Only to have my hopes and dreams of ever walking normal crushed forever when I awoke one morning to the right foot dragging permanently.  Foot Drop!  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_drop

I spent a while having a pity-party about all the things I couldn't do: walking, hiking, climbing the ladder to my beloved fruit tress, climbing stairs, wearing my Naot sandals. www.naot.com.   You may laugh but I loved those sandals!  I lived in those sandals 24/7. Oh the list went on and on (even today I still on occasion add to that list). What would this mean?

I went back to the neurologist and he listened to me rant and rave and then gave me some options.  "But, your insurance will only pay for this one." And wrote me out a prescription  to go to a place that make orthotics for an AFO--ankle foot orthosis.

Anger, humiliation, frustration.  You name it.  I had it as I stumbled into the office to get one for me.  The man was really nice and he tried to joke around with me.  He brought one out that looked like this:

*My first one had velco straps at the bottom also to help my ankle stay in place. AND didn't have the cute Willie Coyote on the back.  I could only find a picture of a child's one.  haha*

I made some smart-Alec comment  about me never wearing sandals or going barefoot again, and I would be better off with out my leg.  He looked at me and told me his wife would think I was lucky to have my leg.  He was helping her earlier this year try on 2 prosthetic legs since she had lost both hers in a car accident.  Good job, Brenda!  Open mouth, insert your stupid, dead foot!

I now have this one:

                                                       

I got this one after I fell with the other one and wasn't able to  rotate enough with my ankle to catch myself.  That caused me to fracture my left wrist three times, fracture my left elbow, and sprain my right wrist.  Of course, this was once again when Rick had left the country.  This time to Mexico.  :)

I have had my new AFO since April 2009 and have been walking great.  Most days I am cane-free and walking with the best of you.  When I wear long pants, no one knows.  I can hike again, although it does take a bit of adjusting to the tilt of the ground since I can't bend the foot in the AFO.  I love to go riding on our ATV since it helps with the extra rocky ground.

Fishing is a bit harder now since rocks are a bit of a challenge to balance on with this, but Rick and I, or Taylor and I, take the canoe out to the center of the lake and that solves the problem.  Besides, I think the best fishing it out there anyway.   When at a stream, I find a nice rock and plant my behind on it.  I don't trust myself meandering with the steam.  Must watch where I plant this foot.

Hunting, sad to say, is a thing of the past.  Only because of this crowded state.  One scrawny deer to 100 hunters.  Maybe if we were ever to move back to MT or to AK, I would use an ATV or a horse to help out the foot.

Well, enough rambling for this post.  Just to let anyone reading know, never let set-backs get you down.  Life can leave you black and blue; but pull yourself up, go for a walk (hike), look at Nature, and thank God you're here to live another day.

With summer gone and winter blowing in, my gardening days are over.  I breathe a sigh of relief as I look at the shiny, colored bottles of fruits and vegetables that line my shelves in the pantry and freezer.  The odd assortments of  jams glisten like jewels in my refrigerator since I couldn't decide which flavor to try first so I tried one of each.  I tell myself 'Next year, I WILL NOT plant as much or can as much.'  But I say that every year.

I have noticed I am planting and do less as my years with MS rage on.  I have picked up a motto from a great mentor The Fly Lady--You can do anything in 15 minutes. www.flylady.net     I have followed her website for years and it is how I have survived--my garden, my house, my hobbies, my life.

Which is why it is taking me forever to write this, although YOU can't tell that--15 mins (or when my energy is zapped) I come back here.  I have been cleaning house; paying bills; playing the 'letting dog in-and-out of the house' game; and soon will be baking goodies to take the chill off the house.

Today I am bringing in part of dinner to a friend who has had a baby.  I have to decide on a good dessert to bring with my salad.  The dessert my family has been eating up lately is my mother-in-law's pumpkin bread recipe I have altered a bit.  But is that really a dessert or just a snack?  I think it would be a dessert if you spread it with Cool Whip.  I have included the recipe and am waiting for thoughts from anyone who may have an opinion.

                                                Pumpkin Bread—Brenda Segeberg

                                                3 1/3 cup flour                        ¾ c. oil

                                                2 tsp. baking soda                  4 eggs 

                                                1 ½ tsp. salt                            2/3 c. water

                                                1 Tbsp. cinnamon                   2 c. pumpkin

                                                3 c. sugar

Combine dry ingredients. Add remaining ingredients and beat well.  Pour into two greased & floured** 12 ¾" loaf pans or 2 regular bread pans.  Bake at 350*F for 45-60 minutes.  Toothpick should come out clean.

**Note:  I grease and sugar pan.  Then sprinkle sugar on top.  It makes crispy topping.  Can half recipe or pour into mini loaf pans.  

The mini loaves make great gifts!