Weeds

After weeding my flower bed this morning, I limped back to the house knowing I had over done it yet again.  I wasn't out there long, but the heat had hit for the day and zapped me of all energy.  I knew I had to get to those weeds or they would continue to grow and choke out what little flowers I had planted this year.

It got me thinking of all the weeds that were trying to choke me out during this time in my life.  My MS is taking a bit of a turn, and I'm struggling with a few things at this time.  I know MS does this, so I'm wondering if this is a shallow-rooted weed easily scraped away with rest, so I can wake up and continue on with my life; or one, like bind weed (aka morning glory), that chokes until, if left to its own devices, it will kill the spirit and leave you staring out on humanity never to walk out of your house again.

Since my lovely stumble over a computer cord in November, I haven't been able to recover all my 'super human' capabilities--not that I had those anyway.  But you know how you are when you lay in bed at night and think over your to-do-list?  You are invincible.  When the dawn breaks, those weeds creep in, wrap around me, and show me I never really was the great person I thought I was.

In my job as Master Gardener, I tell people what to do for their real weeds.  And so, each day, I tell myself what I need to do for my virtual weeds: weakness, despair, expectations, possibilities, limitation, finance.  And the weeds go on.

So when these 'weedy' moments crop up, I try to plant flowers instead, using the things I have done--my accomplishments.  I was diagnosed 16 ago today.  But in reality, I think I have had it since I was about 17.  So that makes it 27 years.  That in itself should be a big hydrangea or something.  Then, surrounding that beautiful bush should be other blooming flowers for  the education I have received, the man I have married, the world I have seen, the children I have born, the memories I have made, the people I have met, the friends I have, the volunteer hours I have put in with the church and community and so my virtual flower bed grows.  It should be so big and full that there is no room for virtual weeds.

Whenever I stop thinking about my beautiful flowers, real or otherwise, the weeds begin to grow.  And that is how it is with with others.  I have seen it with those I have talked to.  I have seen 'weeds' come into their lives and choke out the goodness. Some have let their gardens become overrun to the point where the only hope for them is to get professional help; I have been there.  It does help to start over. Sometimes leaving your weed patch behind is the only option.

If you are not there, what I do now is have a book where I write the the things for which I am thankful for--even the bitty things.  So when that bind weed comes creeping in, I can look back and see what flowers I have.  And then, I remember to go out and smell the roses!