Just Say No

"No."  That little word in the English language is really hard to say.  It is only two letters, yet it is hard to spit out.  So many things are thrown at us--choices, decisions, obligations--but we don't want anyone to feel we are unable to preform, so we say "Yes!."  Then, comes the dread, irritation, panic, anger, or sometimes fear at what we have done, all because we can't do what we said in the amount of time we have to do it in.  Do we blame others for it?  Blame ourselves?

I used to ask my kids all the time--"What part of NO don't you understand?  The  'N' or the  'O' ?"

I think we need to ask ourselves this very same question.  If we did this, maybe we wouldn't get ourselves into situations that sap our strength--both mental and physical. 

It has taken me years to learn to TRY and not volunteer for everything.  I love to help and people know this.  They will always come and ask for help on things.  I'm famous for biting off more than I can chew and my dear husband or son is always having to bail me out.

In my younger days, after being first diagnosed with MS, I had quite a bit of energy.  I would be the first mother to volunteer for my kids' school functions, class field trips, be the room mother, and rush to the school if the teacher needed help.  I remember one field trip to the zoo in the hot sun where it was all I could do to drag myself to the bus when the day was over.  I slept with all the kids on the way back home.  It was hard not to sign the forms that went around. By the time my kids were in high school, my support was attending their functions.

Just this past month, I had a chance to use that little word and I'm so glad I did. I'm the Vice President  for the Master Gardener Association in our county.  I'm also on the board of our church young women's group.  Plus at this time, I am getting ready for my daughter's wedding.  Ok, now think holidays.

I am working with the MG Board on their Winter Social.  I let them know I'm busy with my daughter's wedding and can't do much so put me on a little job.  No problem. That's done.  The church YW board needs one person to help with the big church party.  Everyone looks at me.  I tell them flat out NO!  I have a wedding at the end of Dec, a community Christmas party (MG thing), and holidays with company.  NO way.  [Whew, I said it].  So they find someone else.

I have felt guilty about saying no for weeks.  I have been thinking maybe I could have squeezed it in.  Maybe I could have taken a nap or two during the day and not have been as tired.  I am sure you know all abut the blame game.

Well, here is where I'm glad I said no to the church.  Ten days ago, we had a death of one of the head honchos involved with the MG Board.  The Pres. of the MG Board had scheduled her vacation during the date of the Winter Social and wouldn't be there. Another head person running the Social found out her niece moved up her wedding two weeks, so she will be gone.  AND, to add fuel to this blazing inferno, another head person's husband's surgery just got moved up.  You guessed it--to the day of the Social. So, I'm suddenly NOT doing a little job but helping to run this whole thing.

What if I hadn't said no?  I am sure I would have survived.  We all do when we get ourselves into situations of our own making.  Things probably would have slipped. I'm sure my health would have suffered.  I, also, know I would have turned into what my family calls 'the Wicked Witch of the West.'  My husband AND son would have been called on to help with items requiring them to put aside their own lives and schedules. All around, me saying 'no' was a life-saver. family-saver, and a sanity-saver,

You might say I do understand the 'N" and the 'O'--it is a much needed life-preserver.