Peace

It has been a while since I have sat here spilling my inner-self.  The roller coaster called Life is flying by with me hanging on gasping at each peak and laughing at each plummeting gorge.  But the laughing has stopped suddenly this past week and changed to reflection and observation.

For those who don't believe in Deity or a higher power, this post may be hard for you to grasp.  But I want you to understand that I believe in Him.  I find it hard that you don't. Just like you probably find it hard to believe I do. It is the way we both think, I guess, and I hope you don't take offense. 

Just walk outside and look around. The planet is full of God's creations.  The full moon that rose last night, shining on the Earth, is highlighting every living thing.  The smallest insect with its tiny lace-like wings; the maple leaf with its five distinct fingers, the five large veins running up them and branching off into smaller veins (in the fall, maple leaves usually have the brightest, most beautiful, colors for running, jumping in, and, of course, crunching); the mountains, with their snow-capped peaks; the deserts, with the Joshua tree forests; the oceans that go on and on; these are all of God's master pieces--as well as you and me.

I've often wondered how people deal with heartache, grief, pain, fear, the unknown, and even the future without the peace and understanding Deity brings--no matter what the belief is.

Those of us with chronic illnesses know there is really no set cure for what ails us. Good nutrition, exercise, a healthy lifestyle, and a good relationship with your doctors are the best thing we can do to help fight our battle.  If we have a few years of a great medicine, take it for what it is--a blessing.  But know that things can and probably will change.

That was the hardest thing for me to deal with when I was first diagnosed. I always thought there was a pill for every ailment.  Was I ever wrong!  During these past 16 1/2 years I have been on 4 different specific MS medications.  Now it looks like I'm moving to a fifth.  I'm thankful there is a fifth.  When I was diagnosed, there was only three.

Now, I'm studying my options.  But studying isn't going to tell me everything.  I don't like to go eeni meeni miini moh and choose one.  I study; I listen to my doctor; I study some more; and then I pray.  I need to feel at peace with my decision.  That is how I decided to go on to Tysabri.  The drug had a black box warning--meaning people had died using it.  Was I scared to go on it?  When my doctor first approached me I told him no way!  But then I did the steps above and felt a calm come over me.  All fears where removed.  I KNEW I would be okay.  Just like now, I still KNOW I will be okay--whether I have to go off Tysabri or not.  I will be okay.

I can't tell you how the peace feels until you have experienced it for yourself, but I KNOW what it feels like. I wouldn't want to be without it.  I wouldn't want to look at all my medical options and say--Hmmmm, I think I will choose THAT one.  I'm glad for this ride called Life.  I'm glad in my car there is my husband of 22 years, and he supports me.  But I'm also glad I have my Lord with me, too.  He makes the ride more calming, so I'm not screaming as I'm riding with this illness called MS.