Things We Take For Granted

I wanted to call attention to the title of this blog-Ramblings.  This is what it is for me.  I post when things hit me that have to do with my MS and I think are pertinent and will help others in their life to carry on.

When I first started out, I had a ton of ideas I wanted to share.  But as time went on, I had to think about it; dwell more on what may help myself and others.  I may have lost followers, and that is okay.  This is mainly for me and those that want to know what keeps me going after almost 18 years of this wonderful, yet dreadful disease.

As I woke up this morning, I had a long list of things I was planning to do.  Here is a small portion of that list: thin the raspberry bed; pick the tomatoes; pick the rest of the peaches; finish drying the old peaches; can the tomatoes; make a fresh batch of salsa; freeze the peaches; make several batches of raspberry-pepper jelly; and then start dinner and relax in front of the TV with my husband while all these things simmered on the stove or oven.

Hahaha!  That was the old days.  As soon as I climbed out of bed and my leg seized up, I knew my list went out the window.  So here is my list as of now at 11:37 am.  I took a shower (without washing my hair since this would do me in for the rest of the day), grabbed a half Pop-Tart for breakfast (not my normal meal mind you), and headed out to the raspberry patch.  I had to do SOMETHING on my list.  I got 1/8th of it done and I was finished.  Kaput!  The end.  My husband is now out there with my son working on the fall clean up for me.

So I am thinking of my yard and all the things I used to do.  All the things I LOVED to do and took for granted.

But this is not to be a pity party.  It's to make us think.  What other things do we take for granted? Here's a list I came up with for me.

My family.  My daughter came up for two weeks to help me with a huge project I was doing recently.  I was really thankful she came.  She left her husband and her busy life--no questions asked.  She helped with my housework, my project, my sanity.  Her husband even came up the day before the big event and help with the activity.  My husband and and son are always there to help with the housework and yard work.  They see when I have reached the end of my rope and step in.  Both sets of parents are ones that are always there.  They listen and talk to me when things get hard.  We take fun trips together.

My health.  I was never really sick until I was diagnosed with MS at 28.  I was active, hiked, camped, hunted, and fished.  I worked with youth groups and was a camp counselor.   And until last year, I went to a girls' camp almost every year since I was 12.  I loved it!  I remember shooting my first deer and hauling it out all by myself, since the party I was with hadn't got theirs yet.  The look on the men's faces as I dragged it down the hill was priceless.  :)  I went fishing in college with my roomies and our dates and I was the one showing them all how to gut the fish.

Now, I see a doctor almost weekly to make sure I am doing the best I can be doing.  I am eating better than I've ever been (except the Pop-Tart, hehe).  I take supplements and use essential oils, which have helped eliminate some of the medication I have to take.  I still try to be active, just not as much as I used to be. I try to get small hikes in with my four-legged cane or walker but have to take lots of rests.  Sad to say, my hunting days are over, although I still like to target practice.  I like to fish and camp but not backpacking into the back-and-beyond to sleep on the ground.  I have a nice trailer with a bathroom (a must for me).

Walking.  Who would have every thought of walking as something we take for granted?  I remember when I first started to lose the use of my right foot.  I went with lighter shoes thinking that would solve the problem.  But it didn't.  I finally had to face reality and start wearing the brace on my leg.  On good days, I can walk without my cane, although sometimes I still use it kind of like a security blanket.  I hate falling.  It really messes up the spinal system and I end up going to the chiropractor to get adjusted.

Children.  Growing up, I always dreamed I would have lots of children.  I narrowed down the number to eight--5 boys and 3 girls.  Don't ask me where I got that number.  Just thought it would be nice and boys always seemed so fun to go wild with.  Rick and I have been friends since high school so when we met up again at twenty-two and decided to get married, we agreed eight was a good number.

About a year after we were married, we watched three boys for this couple who were gone for the holiday weekend.  The ages were 5, 3, and 2.  At first, it was fun.  By the time, the parents got back, Rick and I decided to reduce our desired child-count to four or five.

By the time I was diagnosed with MS, we had Jessica (3) and Taylor (1).  We were told we could have more children if we wanted.  The chances of our children having MS would be 2%.  It was explained like this: I'd be going to Las Vegas and having a 98% chance of winning.  But during the time on conception, pregnancy, and nursing, I couldn't be on any MS or any other medication. It was for us to decide.

At the time, it was a hard decision.  With pray and fasting (in my religion those are dear to us), a decision was made.  At no time during these past years have we ever regretted it. Now, where I stand, with my health, I could not be raising children.  My daughter is 21; my son, 19.   I see other families in the community of various religions with kids still in school.  I get tired just looking at them. I admire and love them.  I help them when I can.  I buy the activity cards, support the fund raisers, and try to go to their games.

Are there times when I wish I had my eight children?  Yes!  But the Lord knew what He was doing when he sent me my one beautiful girl and my one handsome son.  So LOVE YOUR CHILDREN--WHETHER YOU HAVE ONE OR HUNDRED.  THEY ARE A BLESSING FROM HEAVEN.

There are many more things on my list I've taken for granted.  Things I think about everyday.  Things I was born with; things I learned; things I acquired or were given; and now because of MS or because of some other circumstances, I no longer have or can do.  I try not to be bitter.  It won't help my cause. Some things, I've worked around and still do, camping and gardening are examples.  Some things I have had to give up, hunting or playing masterpieces on my violin.  But there are always other things out there in this world to learn and to try.  That is what I am going to do--one tiny step at a time!

Baby Steps

Things have been difficult this summer.  Trying to juggle work, church, home, and community activities. I often come home exhausted and wonder "What am I doing?"

In fact, the other day, as I was out picking tomatoes and hobbling back to the house, I had to laugh at myself.  I started out having this huge bowl of tomatoes precariously perched on my walker and was trying to shuffle along with them as I worked my way back to the house.  I gave up and left them out on the edge of the beds for someone else to bring in.  It was then, as I was shuffling, I thought of 'baby-steps.'

In life, I think we all take Baby-Steps.  Sometimes, when we are sick; when we are new at something; when we are afraid or unsure of ourselves; or maybe when we just have taken too much on our plate.  And I think it is okay.  It gives us time to think, clear our heads, breathe.

One of the things frustrating me with my MS has been my cognitive issues. Having a lot to juggle isn't helping the situation much, either.  At my work, as a Horticultural Assistant, it helps to have information on the top of my head to whip out at a moments notice.  I'm talking to people about their lawn or garden issues when all of a sudden-poof!  The information in my head has been lost.   I pause and smile and take that baby step--to the computer or book that helps jar my memory of the lost info to help the derailed train.  I've got pretty good at covering and telling people I will have to do more diagnoses on their items.  It saves one's face, you  know.

Other Baby-Steps you may have to take in your life:

• Going to the doctor and getting help
• Going back to school (first time or again)
• Starting a new job
• Getting married/divorced/widowed/separated
• Becoming an empty-nester
• Becoming a new-parent
• Starting over (with what ever life throws at you)
• New illness
• Getting out of debt
• Making a large purchase--ex. house or car
• Breaking a Habit
• Learning to do something

All of these take time.  You can't do any of it in one giant leap.  You can't do any of it in fast forward. You have to do it one step at a time-Baby-steps.  We need the time to think, clear our heads, plan, and sometimes, breathe.  

RPM's and PJ'S

At a business retreat Rick and I went to, a yoga instructor told us she always did her RPM's in the morning.  My husband quipped up, "Rise, pray, and meditate?"  "No," She laughed.  "Rise, PEE, and meditate."

I decided to add that to my morning routine but kept it Pray.  RPM'S can be an acronym for whatever you want it to be--hers, mine yours.  It was hard to do when I had kids at home.  I felt like I hit the floor with the RPM's going from 0 to 60 in 2 secs flat.  Now, I am more like an old jalopy, and I kind of like the feeling.

I rise after a decent night's rest (usually) and always start my day with prayer.  I need to ask God to help me throughout my day.  Some may scoff at the idea, and that's okay. It's their choice.  But it's my choice to start my day this way.  It helps me get going.  My meditation is usually reading a good book-scriptures, news, or something I want to read. Something that fills my soul with happiness.  I must say, not all news does this, but I like to keep up with what's going on in the world.  I limit this to once or twice a week.  This is done during breakfast and no more than 30-minutes.  I have been known to spend too much time involved in a good book.  :)

Now what are PJ'S?  That's the bedtime routine of course-Prayer, Journal, and Scriptures. These are done in any order, and if I have already done scriptures earlier in the day, I sometimes read a church magazine, do a crossword puzzle or something else to wind down.

I've always been one to write in a journal.  I have them going way back to when I was eight.  I don't do the whole routine every night.  It's always the P, but I usually save the J for once or twice a week.  I don't have enough worth writing about everyday.  I try to do the M and S everyday as I find taking time for me is very crucial.

Also, with journaling, I find it funny to read about me to my kids.  They realize I was a 'real' kid and teen and had issues just like they faced, even in the 'old' days.  It's good to read the stuff I'd forgotten I'd done with or to my siblings and about relatives who have passed away.  I get to read about when I first met Rick back when we were fifteen and laugh about the fun times we had.  He wonders why I wrote about all the crazy stuff.  I am glad I did, because I would have never remembered it.

I guess this blog is also a kind of journal for me, too.  It helps me unload some things I might not say otherwise.  It is therapeutic just like my RPM's and PJ'S are.

Friends

During this week, Life threw a few curve balls my way.  Living with MS, I expect all types of fast ones t0 come my way at any given time.  This week just happen to have a little of both MS and normal Life Game balls thrown into the mix.

In fact, everyone should expect curve balls at some point in their career.  For when those curve balls come and we hit for all we are worth (hopefully hitting some out of the ballpark), that is when we call the one or two good friend/s we have in our lives.  These friends give us a base to go to; a home plate to come safely into. Maybe, we just want a cheerleader.

I, for one, don't want unsolicited advice or someone to tell me "I told you so."  I just want someone to blow of some steam to; some to cry with; someone to help out; or someone to just listen.  Maybe that is why people tell me I am a great listener.  It is because I am hoping to be THAT friend to them.

I am sure we've all had someone come up to us and ask, "How are you?" or my favorite, "What can I do to help you?" and then, when you start to tell them, they stop listening or come up with all the reasons WHY they can't help you.  These are not true friends.  They are lip-service acquaintances. They want to give the appearance they care but don't really.  So when they ask the questions, they're duty is done.

A few year's ago when I was down for a relapse with MS, I had a person ask me if I needed help.  I thought it was a sincere offer.  I asked for a simple task that needed to be done. A week went by and then, this person told me, "My house needed it done too, so I worked on it instead. Hope you don't mind."  Really? Mine never got done.  Why the offer if there was no intention?

Are we guilty of doing that?  Do we offer lip-service?  Are we what my mother-in-law calls fair-weather friends?

I have gone out of my way to try NOT to do that.  If I am going to ask a person how they are doing, I want to know, and I stay to listen.  If I am going to help someone out, I make sure I am willing and able to do whatever it is they MAY ask of me.  You may never know, you could be someone's lifesaver just by simply stopping and taking 5 minutes to LISTEN or to help out.

The other day when one of those curve balls came, I was thinking of whom to call and help out. The list was few.  I didn't want another lip-service person with 1001 excuses of why now wouldn't work.  I needed a friend.  I said a silent pray that my #1 Friend wouldn't be busy and could help.  And he just happened to be free!.  The Lord was with me--He always is.



I am so glad I am married to my #1 Friend.

Our engagement photo 1990      

At our 25th year HS reunion 2011
 (yes, we graduated at same high school; no we weren't high school sweet hearts)

          

My second friend I call when my husband is busy and can't be around is my mom!

This was at an honor dinner at Weber University in Ogden, Utah, for my Mother-Virginia Stevens.
May 2005
(way young)

.A close third is my great daughter, Jess (now married to a great guy!)-

Hiking in Zion's National Park
Feb 2011

Zef and Jess Anderson
Draper, Utah
Dec 29, 2012

My sister, Bobbi Menlove-

Dec 29, 2012
Reception of Jess' wedding 

Bobbi and I enjoying camping and friendship.
Many Pines Camp Ground near Neihart, Montana ca. 1980

My friend since 7th grade-Cathy McGuire Kotzian

Cathy and I go way back.   Though life may have put miles
between us, we still keep in touch and we know we are there for each other!

This is Cath and I about 1985.  Bad pic but those were the days.
Charles M. Russell High School, Great Falls, MT.

This is me now :

Dec 29, 2012 Riverton, UT
Daughter's reception

I had many great friends who helped me out with this reception.  My mother and sister where a great help. They were with me almost every step of the way.  I couldn't have made it at all without the help of my #1 Friend at all-the love of my life who has been with me for twenty-three years now.  And surprise of surprises, my friend since I was three showed up to help me, too.  It was a three-hour long drive for her and her husband to get there, but they came and stayed until the bitter end. 

  

Teresa Lackner Chipman and I 

Dec 29, 2012

Teresa Lackner and I with my little brother, Travis Stevens

1980 Great Falls, MT

  Taken with an instant Polaroid

Got to love the quality-haha

Sometimes you meet great new friends, like I did at my daughter's wedding, and they help you out. Sometimes you have friends that will never let you down, like my long-time chum of 42-years.  Most times, you will have those that will just want to give you a passing glance.  It is those I hope we don't become. The world has too many of those.

Bounteous Blessings

This is just a writing to finally show you my lovely garden beds built by my Darling Hubby and Super Son.  I have been talking about this early in my previous posts and promised  to show pictures.

While I was out taking pictures, I realized I needed to count my blessings of all the things I can and have done out in my yard.  With the help of my family and the neighbor boy, I have done all you see below.  Just remember, we live in second driest state in the Union (Nevada is the first).  It is a battle to keep our grass green and the weeds down.  haha

One of the three boxes built this year.  We only has enough money to fill two and half

with enough soil.  This one has Early Goliath Tomatoes, Pik Rite Tomatoes,

Nacho Macho Peppers, and California Wonder Bells.

I won 5 Blue Ribbons in the County Fair with all these varieties last year.

The start of something delicious!  Can't wait.

A far off few of my garden from the corner of my yard.

I have 5 varieties of grapes growing around my yard.  This one is a pink champagne-type grape

called Candice.

The Candice grape growing in this section.  I have Concord, Himrod,  Glenora, and an unknown variety.

My beautiful Hollyhocks that bring bees and butterflies.

My raspberry patch!  I love, love this.  When I would send the kids out to pick

these, I would never get what I was expecting.  They would always

pick one, eat two.

The season is just beginning. 

I have have six fruit trees in my back yard, also.  The one above is an apple.

The one below is an apricot.  I also have two peach trees and two cherry trees.

We lost a peach tree this year.

With all this surrounding me, I couldn't help but think of all the blessings I have.  I can garden to my heart's content.  I get to have fresh fruit and vegetables and nothing beats a red, ripe tomato.  So the little trip around my back yard, through the morning heat of 90*F, helped me realize I do somethings after all, and I am blessed by my Heavenly Father in more ways than one.

Stress

When I was diagnosed with MS, I was told to eliminate as much stress from my life as possible.  I stared at the doctor wanting to ask him if he'd ever raised toddlers.  I'm still being cautioned to keep stress down.  

This is being told to a person who is the classic Type A personality.  Here are some of my traits:

• I am painfully aware of the time and how little of it I have.  It SO bugs me to sleep in late or to take a nap--both of which I am finding I am having to do more often as time goes on.
• I get frustrated while waiting in line--a store, a movie, a stoplight.  My kids are used to me muttering under my breath at rude drivers or 'slow' people. It used to amuse the kids in my car pool.
• Just the other day, my husband was waiting patiently (me not-so-much) in a long line cars coming out of a big convention.  We were following the rules (another thing I do, and it bugs me when people don't!).  Some dork comes screaming through the parking lot going down the wrong lane of traffic; zipped around everyone who was nicely letting everyone in; and zoomed past hundreds of cars.  Out he went onto the main road by going down the wrong side of the road.  I gave him a piece of my mind!  Unfortunately, Rick was the only one to hear it.

• As you can see most of these things cause  irritation and exasperation.  Other people call it rudeness.  Rick sometimes says when things don't go according to 'my schedule,'  I get curt.  And I have to admit, there are times that when heat is involved (heat is a factor for us MS people) and things get out of hand, my temper has a tendency to have a short fuse.

Over the many years of this disease, I've taken strides to become less of  an "A" and more of a 'Go-With-The-Flow.'  I must say this hasn't been easy.  Rush hour traffic is a bear.  I avoid Christmas shopping and try to get it done by Thanksgiving or do the on-line thing.  I stay out of the July and August summer scorching days and hide in air conditioning bliss.  

But, when there are things that are thrown on us or we volunteer for, what are we to do?

This year I was elected to be the President of the Master Gardener's Association of Utah County, Utah.  I was told it wouldn't be a big deal, no stress really.  Hahahahaha.  Little did anyone know that one county agent would retire; one would pass away; the previous president hadn't done much since the other 2 agents did it all for her so she didn't know what to pass on to me; I had seven board members that needed to be filled; and the list went on.

I actually thought I would start my work in my new job in January, but it started in November with the Winter Social and have been rolling ever since.  Last night was the biggest stressor every.  We had our big Summer Social.  Thanks to my committee and my son and hubby, it went down great. Today, I crashed.  Slept until 9:30 am and have done little to nothing since.  To me this is all but a wasted day.

But like I asked earlier, what are we to do?  Here are some things I have learned (and am still learning and trying to put into practice):

• Most important--JUST SAY NO!  There are so many hours in a day.  There is only so much energy you have.  I have learned most people understand when you tell them no.  If people tell me I understand.  In fact, when I hear them hesitate or hem and haw, I just tell them to tell me no.  I would rather have a 'no' than a failed project or a no-show.
• Take a nap.  Go to bed on time.  Rise early.  Ben Franklin had it right when he said "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."
• Breathe.  When I feel my blood start to boil or my anger rise, stop and breathe.  Deep, cleansing breaths.  It is amazing what a little deep breathing does.
• Yoga and healthcare providers
• Take time for for YOU.  Whether I worked full-time or was a stay-at-home mom, I scheduled a time that was for me.  It may not have been more than 30 minutes, but I did it at least once a week. I told my kids Mommy was having time-out.
• Rick's excuse was by the time he hauled out what he liked to do, his 30 minutes was almost up and then it was time to put it away.  If that is your excuse (maybe you have a medium that will dry up and needs to be put away), schedule more time.  The important thing is--Schedule.  It is for you.  It is what you love.  

Stress is a bad thing for everyone.  It shortens life.  It causes high-blood pressure, heart-attacks, and for me, leads to allergic reactions. There are times in our lives when it can't be avoided , but we can learn things to help us cope with it.

P.S.  I will be posting pictures of my garden boxes soon.  It is a way I cope with stress.  *Although the weeds in the background that grow in snow, heat, drought, and with every weed killer sprayed on them are adding to my stress.  haha

Where There's a Will....

Another month has come and gone and here I am just sitting to write another post. Work has started up for me for the season. With it, calls from people with questions about their yards or gardens and trying to beat Mother Nature at her own game.  I love my job and I love working with people.

But on the days I work, I drag myself home knowing MS is taking its toll on me.  After seventeen years of dealing with this disease and with the naturally progression of age, I'm not the young whipper-snapper I used to be.  I can't just put in a whole day of work anymore, and then, party the night away,whether it is an actual party or work-out-in-the-yard party.

I pass along advice to people on what they need to make their lawn's green or their pea harvest come on earlier in our Utah heat.  I help them battle insects and weeds in their yards, yet when I come home, I look out in my thorny patch of a yard and hope no one knows where I live.

But this year, things will be different.  My Darling Husband and Super Son have teamed up with my brains to help my lack of energy.  This year, we are all in The Battle of the Wills--Mother Nature's and Ours.

For my birthday and for Mother's Day, I received two raised garden beds the height of 3 feet.  Yah, for me!!  I can now get out to my beloved garden and work in the soil and play to my heart's content.  I can comfortable lean or sit on the edge of the beds, plant, weed, pick, or do what needs to be done without fear of getting down and never getting back up.  There will be more beds to follow.

For anyone with any type of illness, a hobby of some kind is a must.  It is therapeutic. You need to find a release.  I've had those who give me all kinds of excuses why they can't find and outlet for their anger or depression--no time, no money, no energy.  Are these the real reasons?  Or is it just because they don't WANT too?

There have been times when I've done nothing.  I've sat for days staring at the TV or computer screen just clicking on a button doing mindless nothing.  And that's what it does to me--nothing.  It make me feel like nothing.  I literally have to pull myself away and find the WILL to live again.

This is what my hobbies to for me--make me live.  I love to GARDEN.  I makes me feel alive. So with the help of some friends and my great family, we find the will to make it happen for me to keep gardening when MS continues to creep in and limit my abilities. I love to be in the OUTDOORS.  My husband and I have found the ways and the will to make the outdoors available to me.  I love SCRAPBOOKING, PHOTOGRAPHY, FAMILY HISTORY, and the list goes on.  I don't let my illness stop me.  I find the way.  I find the will.

Because people, when there is no will, that is when we start to do nothing.  And soon that nothing will take over and it will rob us of who we are.  So, where there's a will, there IS a way!