Stress

When I was diagnosed with MS, I was told to eliminate as much stress from my life as possible.  I stared at the doctor wanting to ask him if he'd ever raised toddlers.  I'm still being cautioned to keep stress down.  

This is being told to a person who is the classic Type A personality.  Here are some of my traits:

• I am painfully aware of the time and how little of it I have.  It SO bugs me to sleep in late or to take a nap--both of which I am finding I am having to do more often as time goes on.
• I get frustrated while waiting in line--a store, a movie, a stoplight.  My kids are used to me muttering under my breath at rude drivers or 'slow' people. It used to amuse the kids in my car pool.
• Just the other day, my husband was waiting patiently (me not-so-much) in a long line cars coming out of a big convention.  We were following the rules (another thing I do, and it bugs me when people don't!).  Some dork comes screaming through the parking lot going down the wrong lane of traffic; zipped around everyone who was nicely letting everyone in; and zoomed past hundreds of cars.  Out he went onto the main road by going down the wrong side of the road.  I gave him a piece of my mind!  Unfortunately, Rick was the only one to hear it.

• As you can see most of these things cause  irritation and exasperation.  Other people call it rudeness.  Rick sometimes says when things don't go according to 'my schedule,'  I get curt.  And I have to admit, there are times that when heat is involved (heat is a factor for us MS people) and things get out of hand, my temper has a tendency to have a short fuse.

Over the many years of this disease, I've taken strides to become less of  an "A" and more of a 'Go-With-The-Flow.'  I must say this hasn't been easy.  Rush hour traffic is a bear.  I avoid Christmas shopping and try to get it done by Thanksgiving or do the on-line thing.  I stay out of the July and August summer scorching days and hide in air conditioning bliss.  

But, when there are things that are thrown on us or we volunteer for, what are we to do?

This year I was elected to be the President of the Master Gardener's Association of Utah County, Utah.  I was told it wouldn't be a big deal, no stress really.  Hahahahaha.  Little did anyone know that one county agent would retire; one would pass away; the previous president hadn't done much since the other 2 agents did it all for her so she didn't know what to pass on to me; I had seven board members that needed to be filled; and the list went on.

I actually thought I would start my work in my new job in January, but it started in November with the Winter Social and have been rolling ever since.  Last night was the biggest stressor every.  We had our big Summer Social.  Thanks to my committee and my son and hubby, it went down great. Today, I crashed.  Slept until 9:30 am and have done little to nothing since.  To me this is all but a wasted day.

But like I asked earlier, what are we to do?  Here are some things I have learned (and am still learning and trying to put into practice):

• Most important--JUST SAY NO!  There are so many hours in a day.  There is only so much energy you have.  I have learned most people understand when you tell them no.  If people tell me I understand.  In fact, when I hear them hesitate or hem and haw, I just tell them to tell me no.  I would rather have a 'no' than a failed project or a no-show.
• Take a nap.  Go to bed on time.  Rise early.  Ben Franklin had it right when he said "Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise."
• Breathe.  When I feel my blood start to boil or my anger rise, stop and breathe.  Deep, cleansing breaths.  It is amazing what a little deep breathing does.
• Yoga and healthcare providers
• Take time for for YOU.  Whether I worked full-time or was a stay-at-home mom, I scheduled a time that was for me.  It may not have been more than 30 minutes, but I did it at least once a week. I told my kids Mommy was having time-out.
• Rick's excuse was by the time he hauled out what he liked to do, his 30 minutes was almost up and then it was time to put it away.  If that is your excuse (maybe you have a medium that will dry up and needs to be put away), schedule more time.  The important thing is--Schedule.  It is for you.  It is what you love.  

Stress is a bad thing for everyone.  It shortens life.  It causes high-blood pressure, heart-attacks, and for me, leads to allergic reactions. There are times in our lives when it can't be avoided , but we can learn things to help us cope with it.

P.S.  I will be posting pictures of my garden boxes soon.  It is a way I cope with stress.  *Although the weeds in the background that grow in snow, heat, drought, and with every weed killer sprayed on them are adding to my stress.  haha

Where There's a Will....

Another month has come and gone and here I am just sitting to write another post. Work has started up for me for the season. With it, calls from people with questions about their yards or gardens and trying to beat Mother Nature at her own game.  I love my job and I love working with people.

But on the days I work, I drag myself home knowing MS is taking its toll on me.  After seventeen years of dealing with this disease and with the naturally progression of age, I'm not the young whipper-snapper I used to be.  I can't just put in a whole day of work anymore, and then, party the night away,whether it is an actual party or work-out-in-the-yard party.

I pass along advice to people on what they need to make their lawn's green or their pea harvest come on earlier in our Utah heat.  I help them battle insects and weeds in their yards, yet when I come home, I look out in my thorny patch of a yard and hope no one knows where I live.

But this year, things will be different.  My Darling Husband and Super Son have teamed up with my brains to help my lack of energy.  This year, we are all in The Battle of the Wills--Mother Nature's and Ours.

For my birthday and for Mother's Day, I received two raised garden beds the height of 3 feet.  Yah, for me!!  I can now get out to my beloved garden and work in the soil and play to my heart's content.  I can comfortable lean or sit on the edge of the beds, plant, weed, pick, or do what needs to be done without fear of getting down and never getting back up.  There will be more beds to follow.

For anyone with any type of illness, a hobby of some kind is a must.  It is therapeutic. You need to find a release.  I've had those who give me all kinds of excuses why they can't find and outlet for their anger or depression--no time, no money, no energy.  Are these the real reasons?  Or is it just because they don't WANT too?

There have been times when I've done nothing.  I've sat for days staring at the TV or computer screen just clicking on a button doing mindless nothing.  And that's what it does to me--nothing.  It make me feel like nothing.  I literally have to pull myself away and find the WILL to live again.

This is what my hobbies to for me--make me live.  I love to GARDEN.  I makes me feel alive. So with the help of some friends and my great family, we find the will to make it happen for me to keep gardening when MS continues to creep in and limit my abilities. I love to be in the OUTDOORS.  My husband and I have found the ways and the will to make the outdoors available to me.  I love SCRAPBOOKING, PHOTOGRAPHY, FAMILY HISTORY, and the list goes on.  I don't let my illness stop me.  I find the way.  I find the will.

Because people, when there is no will, that is when we start to do nothing.  And soon that nothing will take over and it will rob us of who we are.  So, where there's a will, there IS a way!

15 Minutes at a Time

This little post is mainly for me.  I was sitting at the kitchen table this morning recovering from a little stint of spring cleaning out on my patio and having a brief cry.  I was feeling overwhelmed with all there is to do out in my yard and the lack of help now that I am all but an empty nester. Suddenly a thought came to me from my favorite cleaning website www.flylady.net- 'You can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes.'  

I have been following her for over seven years and keeping my house on a schedule with her routine. But it's her 15-minute idea that keeps me going. With my MS progressing over the past seventeen years, I've lost a bit of my energy and  some function in my right leg.  It makes it hard for me to do things I used to whip through, such as vacuuming the whole house, laundry all in one day, or hours out in the yard on a beautiful sunny day. I love to spend hours in my garden but now the 15-minute rule really comes in handy. Although those weeds have a pull that sometimes keep me going longer, and I regret it. I have to literally crawl back to the house.

Today was a hard one.  Spring is here.  I want to get out there.  My coveted raised beds aren't built yet, so I am crawling around on the ground still, wasting more energy. I can't NOT play in the soil.  It is a desire that is strong.  I think I would curl up and die if I couldn't do this, so I grab my walker (just so I can hobble back) and dash out there to do my 15-minutes.  IF I stick to the 15 minutes I won't need the walker too much to get back, maybe to keep from tripping over a worm hill or something.  But, if I stretch it to 30-minutes or more, I may be hanging on to that walker for dear life and taking dragging, baby steps to the house which seems miles away. I will flop on the back porch steps, panting, and wait a good 5 to 10 minutes before I can haul myself into the cool shade of my house to rest before the next burst of energy comes, and I start on another 15-minute project.

Sometimes, the next project doesn't start until the next day.  But if I stick to my 15-minutes, I can do three or four projects in a day.  It's amazing how that works.  Over-do one project and I could be done for, especially if it's in the sun.  But on days like today, when I get really discouraged, I have to stop and think, what have I accomplished.

While I was sitting at the table having my pity party,  I suddenly thought of why I was so tired and what I had accomplished already today.  I had showered, dressed, done my hair, wiped down the bathroom, picked up the laundry, played with the dog, got the kitchen partially re-cleaned up, and had just cleaned up the patio, AND it was only 11 AM.  Amazing for me considering I had only been up for 2 hours (I had slept in--my sweet hubby let me).

So all in all, I'm able to keep going 15 minutes at a time with rests in between.  Everyone and Anyone can do anything they need to do with moderation.  So if you are dealing with any type of issue and think you can't possibly get it done, just remember YOU CAN DO IT--15 minutes at a time!

Busyness vs Business

I have been berating myself for not keeping this up like I'd planned I would.  I'm sure I've lost a few followers in the process, but that's the way life goes.  As I was thinking of why I haven't been keeping this up, I've been thinking of what it is that's keeping me from sitting down and writing.

Some of it has been great ideas that have flitted in and out of my brain never to be captured again.  Some has been illness, mine and others. Then, there is my seasonal job starting and the list goes on.

We all have things that get in the way--important or fun. That kind of goes back to my postings on Just Say No and Things that Matter.  We have to decide what to do with those.

But this post has to do with running around like a chicken with our head cut off and getting nothing done--Busyness--or actually sitting down and finishing that big project of cleaning out the messy pantry or getting the gardening power point presentation done for next week's class--Business.

The dictionary defines busyness as 'lively but meaningless activity.'  How many times during our lives are we doing this?  Just now, I got a phone call and spent 30 minutes on it. I was talking about nothing in particular, settle nothing important, had a lot of laughs, but didn't get anywhere on this blog.  Busyness.

Whereas, Business, is defined as an undertaking, a task, or a job you need to do--I am really trying to get this blog written, proof-read, and posted.

I have witnessed many friends fill their lives (and their kids' lives) with busyness--running from activity to activity and never stopping to see if these items are really meaningful in anyone's life.  My husband and I are guilty of the same thing and we have to keep telling ourselves: 'stay focused' ; 'what is our end-goal.'

A new book I am reading, Eat That Frog, is helping me stay focused on 'our end-goal.'  It is helping me avoid Busyness. There are two lines in the book that help me with decide if I am being 'busy' or working on 'busi' "There will never be enough time to do everything you have to do." and  "What is the most valuable use of my time right now?"  I use both these quotes with personal, spiritual, and work aspect parts of my life.

I try to NOT do the things that are of no to little value.  Is cleaning out the dust in the upper cupboards behind my recipe books really going to matter to anyone?  All that's going to matter to me is the draining of my energy, wasting time needed for a more important projects, and possibly a little bit of satisfaction when my tall sister-in-law sees it IF she should ever come to visit me and IF she should want a cookbook from that cupboard. Busyness

Instead, sweep the kitchen floor.  Same amount of time and it's visible to everyone. Do you see the difference?

Since reading that chapter, I have tried to implement those two sentences in everything I do.  It is amazing what little things I have eliminated from my life.  I still have a ways to go, but I'm starting to find some much needed time in my clock and scale down some busyness in my days.

Leap of Faith

My husband and I have owned and operated our own business for just over two years. With the beginning of a new year, we sat down and decided we're at a turning point in this adventure.  We're where we can do quite well, if we only knew where to go from here.

We've had advice from others who have had successful businesses and were told to 'prime the pump.'  Think of walking out to an old-fashioned water pump, pouring some water down into it to fill any air spaces with water and start pumping hard until you get water from the well flowing back up the pump again. That is 'priming the pump'.  Basically, you're putting good old leg work to use and hitting the pavement, finding referrals, networking with friends, and selling yourself and your business.

We can tell you, there is only so far this can go.  That is where we found ourselves this January.  Then, we went to a business retreat that changed our way of thinking. Yes, there is some priming of the pump.  But there are other things that should be done before and after the priming.

To me, it's just like living with MS or anything else hard in life.  People are always willing to give you advice on what 'they' think will work or what worked for them in their situation.  But until they have walked in your shoes or have lived in a situation very similar to yours, they'll never know what advice you'll need.  You can take bits and pieces from it and use parts of it, but it'll never give you the whole picture.

That's what happened to for us; we got the whole picture.  Just as I have learned over the past sixteen and half years of having MS, Rick and I learned through this weekend. We would need to read, study, go to seminars and workshops.  And then, we'd need to do with all of that information what I'll call the 'Leap of Faith.'

This is where we, or you, just jump into the dark abyss of the unknown and move on. I remember as a little girl I heard this story in Sunday School:  A little girl brought her dad's lunch to him while he worked deep in a well.  Although she couldn't see him down in the darkness, when she called to him he answered her, so she knew he was there.  Her dad asked her to drop the lunch box down the hole, and he would catch it.  In a few minutes, he called back there was too much lunch for just him and wanted to know if she would like to share it with him.  "Jump.  And I will catch you."  he said. "You can't see me, but I can see you.  I won't let you fall."  So she jumped into the dark well and landed safely in her dad's strong arms.

That is a leap of faith.  That's what we all need to do--jump into the darkness. Whether it's with a job, an unknown treatment, a new move or a new adventure.  No matter what's in our lives that's holding us back from growing, we need to be brave enough to move forward.  If we don't, we're growing stagnate. Eventually, we'll mold and decay and die.

It is scary.  I know that from experience.  You also know from my previous posts, I never do anything without thought, study, much prayer and contemplation. But there comes a time, when I know the answer and have to take the plunge.

At the retreat, I was talking to a new-found friend and compared this leap to a time when I was about thirteen.  There was a 13' high, diving board I used to jump off of.  I was brave going up but looking down was terrifying.  There was no going back though with all the kids on the ladder waiting their turn and yelling at you to go. A kid just had to take the plunge.  So, I take the step off (or leap or cannonball or what have you), and it's a fast fall to the water below.  But when it is over, what a ride it was!

And so our ride will be.  Through life with the trials of children, moving, jobs, and illness, we will be less like to weaken and wither if we take the Leap of Faith and give it our best shot; knowing that no matter what, at the bottom of our well is family, friends, and our Spiritual Guide to catch us.

Bad Decisions

Looking back over the last forty-five years of my life, I must say I have made some choices that haven't been all that good.  Some have ranged on the side of just stupid--like when I was seven and wanted prove to my best friend I could be like Houdini. I had her tie my ankles to the corner post of the top bunk with a orange, plastic jump rope (I still remember the color, haha). I proceeded to flip myself upside-down and commence with my magic.  Half-hour later (with me screaming, crying and blood rushing to my head) my mother was laughing hysterically as she used a knife to saw through the stretched-thin, plastic rope while my friend helped hold my thrashing body still.  [Just two-weeks ago, this friend (of 40+ years) and I laughed again over our stupidity.]

Others have been learning ones--like my first car.  My dad and I bought a clunker from a 'friend.'  The engine blew six months after purchase and since I was a poor student, my dad helped me rebuild the engine. I remember being with him in the garage on a cold, blustery October night in Montana (I believe it was in the minus with wind chill) holding the heat lamp while he would show me what I needed to do.  Then, he would hold the heat lamp, while I would do what needed to be done.  What better times for working on cars than the middle of winter?  And what better memories for a girl to make with her dad?

Some of my decisions have caused injuries--to my car or to myself.  I grew up in the woods of MT.  I love the outdoors.  My father always treated any car as a four-wheel drive.  So when I went to college, so did I.  I was very careful with this.  I was taught how to do it.  But one day, when out four-wheeling in a two-wheeler, the sun was just right and blinded me.  I hit a large rock I could've avoided had the sun not been in my eyes and damaged my water pump.  When the car stopped, all fluid drained. Several of us were back in fishing, so we filled the car with lake water and kept it running until we got back to school.  It cost me a pretty penny to get that fixed.

Injuries to myself happen a lot without poor decisions on my part being added to the mix. There are times when I decide to avoid a pet on the stairs and end up at the bottom.  The pet, of course, is fine.  Probably would have been even if I hadn't avoided it.  I, on the other hand, need weeks, sometimes months of doctors visits and therapy to get all back in working order.  Was that really a good decision on my part?

And then there are the decisions that cost money-the treadmill, aka clothes catcher; the new kitty,  puppy, birdie, fishies, your brown-eyed daughter and blue-eyed boy wanted fifteen-years ago, aka the ZOO you're left with to handle in your prime when they are off to college and you are stuck with them (p.s.  and you can't plow up the little mortuary in your garden, either); the rv, the atv's, the boat, the whatever-you-sunk-your-money-into-when-you-thought-it-a-great-idea-at-the-time but now are regretting it. These can be anything that you have laying around the house that you can't get rid of. And every time you look at them you say to yourself, "If only I had...."  

I have lots of those for me, my husband, and my children.  And the more I dwell on them, the angrier I get.  I start to beat myself up.  Sometimes I feel stupid.  But you know what?  It doesn't do any good.  Those decisions have been made.  It is over and done with.

There is a place we used to go hiking as a family when I was a kid. There was a long bridge on the trail, and my brothers would run up ahead of us all to play a game. They would grab several sticks of different shapes and throw them in at the head of the bridge racing down to the end to see if they could see which stick would win the race. The current of this stream had an eddy that would loop back toward you at the head before it would swoop downstream giving my brothers a chance to make it to the other side of the bridge

I compare decisions to those sticks.  They can be good or bad.  We are racing to the end of the bridge to see which one of our different-shaped sticks are going to make it to the end of the bridge.  Some are going to get caught in the eddy and just swirl around and around, getting no where in this life.  Others, will shoot out so fast, we will never no what stick it was or what decision we have missed out on.  It maybe one that saves us harm or money. But of those we see coming out, let's not beat ourselves up if they turn out to be losing bets.  We need to remember the water has swept under the bridge.  There is more water coming and more sticks to throw.  What will your next sticks be?

Blessed Sunday

I  am sitting here letting the turmoil of my life settle around me as I try to feel the peace of another Sabbath day.  I love Sundays--a day of rest.  It is a day I don't have to go anywhere or do anything.  I go to church and take in the sweet spirit of worship and leave feeling renewed for the week.  I stay at home with my family and enjoy the peacefulness within the confines of my home.

I remember Sundays as a kid.  They were the longest day of the week.  They were what I called 'can't' days.  "I can't go boating with my friends," or "I can't have a sleep over on Saturday night."  But I seem to have forgotten all the things I could do--I could play board games with my dad (which I loved to do).  I could make cookies with my sister.  I could practice my violin all day and not get yelled at by my mom for not doing something else.  I could go visit my neighbor from Denmark, bug her, and stay out of my mom's hair for a while (I am sure my mom would have loved it if I had stayed over at her house all Sunday afternoon).

Now it is a time for filling my personal well so I can share the water with others throughout my week.What's this 'well' I talk of?  It is an inner peace each of us finds to help us make it through the week and face the challenges we have thrown at us in life. In this well are thoughts, sayings, songs, and maybe scriptures we hear that build up our happiness.  Sometimes it's our friends or loved ones who help with these things.  Other times, it's getting away from it all and unwinding.  It's no longer taking away from our reserves of 'water' but adding to it.  Reading, sleeping, listening, praying, mediating, and counting our blessings are all ways to replenish the shortage.

I often joke with my kids when things are all out of sorts, that I need to 'balance the chi.'  I feel I am working against the order of things.  I haven't had my Blessed Sunday with peace and worship to help fill up my spiritual well. Other times when chaos rains, I've even said, 'I need to find the chi!'  I really hate those days since I know they're spinning out of control and I need to step back and put my priorities in place.

For me, putting them in place means Sabbath Worship and all that it entails; fill my cup until it runneth over; share the cup with others so their burdens are light also; and try to keep the World's turmoil at bay as I balance my chi and move forward one Blessed Sunday at a time.