Bad Decisions

Looking back over the last forty-five years of my life, I must say I have made some choices that haven't been all that good.  Some have ranged on the side of just stupid--like when I was seven and wanted prove to my best friend I could be like Houdini. I had her tie my ankles to the corner post of the top bunk with a orange, plastic jump rope (I still remember the color, haha). I proceeded to flip myself upside-down and commence with my magic.  Half-hour later (with me screaming, crying and blood rushing to my head) my mother was laughing hysterically as she used a knife to saw through the stretched-thin, plastic rope while my friend helped hold my thrashing body still.  [Just two-weeks ago, this friend (of 40+ years) and I laughed again over our stupidity.]

Others have been learning ones--like my first car.  My dad and I bought a clunker from a 'friend.'  The engine blew six months after purchase and since I was a poor student, my dad helped me rebuild the engine. I remember being with him in the garage on a cold, blustery October night in Montana (I believe it was in the minus with wind chill) holding the heat lamp while he would show me what I needed to do.  Then, he would hold the heat lamp, while I would do what needed to be done.  What better times for working on cars than the middle of winter?  And what better memories for a girl to make with her dad?

Some of my decisions have caused injuries--to my car or to myself.  I grew up in the woods of MT.  I love the outdoors.  My father always treated any car as a four-wheel drive.  So when I went to college, so did I.  I was very careful with this.  I was taught how to do it.  But one day, when out four-wheeling in a two-wheeler, the sun was just right and blinded me.  I hit a large rock I could've avoided had the sun not been in my eyes and damaged my water pump.  When the car stopped, all fluid drained. Several of us were back in fishing, so we filled the car with lake water and kept it running until we got back to school.  It cost me a pretty penny to get that fixed.

Injuries to myself happen a lot without poor decisions on my part being added to the mix. There are times when I decide to avoid a pet on the stairs and end up at the bottom.  The pet, of course, is fine.  Probably would have been even if I hadn't avoided it.  I, on the other hand, need weeks, sometimes months of doctors visits and therapy to get all back in working order.  Was that really a good decision on my part?

And then there are the decisions that cost money-the treadmill, aka clothes catcher; the new kitty,  puppy, birdie, fishies, your brown-eyed daughter and blue-eyed boy wanted fifteen-years ago, aka the ZOO you're left with to handle in your prime when they are off to college and you are stuck with them (p.s.  and you can't plow up the little mortuary in your garden, either); the rv, the atv's, the boat, the whatever-you-sunk-your-money-into-when-you-thought-it-a-great-idea-at-the-time but now are regretting it. These can be anything that you have laying around the house that you can't get rid of. And every time you look at them you say to yourself, "If only I had...."  

I have lots of those for me, my husband, and my children.  And the more I dwell on them, the angrier I get.  I start to beat myself up.  Sometimes I feel stupid.  But you know what?  It doesn't do any good.  Those decisions have been made.  It is over and done with.

There is a place we used to go hiking as a family when I was a kid. There was a long bridge on the trail, and my brothers would run up ahead of us all to play a game. They would grab several sticks of different shapes and throw them in at the head of the bridge racing down to the end to see if they could see which stick would win the race. The current of this stream had an eddy that would loop back toward you at the head before it would swoop downstream giving my brothers a chance to make it to the other side of the bridge

I compare decisions to those sticks.  They can be good or bad.  We are racing to the end of the bridge to see which one of our different-shaped sticks are going to make it to the end of the bridge.  Some are going to get caught in the eddy and just swirl around and around, getting no where in this life.  Others, will shoot out so fast, we will never no what stick it was or what decision we have missed out on.  It maybe one that saves us harm or money. But of those we see coming out, let's not beat ourselves up if they turn out to be losing bets.  We need to remember the water has swept under the bridge.  There is more water coming and more sticks to throw.  What will your next sticks be?