Discrimination?

Summer is on its way to full swing, and the phones are ringing off the hook for me down at the county extension office.  I work every Friday and am loving life. People call in with all sorts of questions ranging from simple gardening basics to insect classifications and pest control, to the hard ones of disease-ridden trees or turf analysis.  When there happens to be a dull moment (almost never), I do research on things--usually items to add to my husband's 'honey-do' list.

I am thankful to the extension office.  While other businesses have looked down on my handicap and made excuses to not hire me (you will never prove this), the extension office has urged me on and told me if it ever gets to be too much to let them know and I can take a break.  They made me feel like a human-being again when all others made me feel 'stupid' or 'less-than'.  It truly is sad  to say a lot of society thinks when someone is handicapped  their IQ suddenly drops several points.  Sometimes, it drops off the charts.

Several years ago, I applied for a preschool substitute job.  During the phone interview, I got rave reviews.  They loved my resume.  I had great qualifications.  "Why haven't you been out teaching?"  blah, blah, blah.

Now to give a a brief outline of my resume:  I was a tutor in college, graduated with an AA [emphasis in English], went to Longridge Writing School, published a few books, and a bunch of other things with children.

I got called into the office for a second interview.  It went well--except they kept asking me if I was sure I could handle preschoolers, getting up and down on the floor with my cane and brace and all.  What about them tiring me out?  Doesn't MS make you tired? I assured them I could handle it, since wasn't I just a sub?

I was hired but was only called in three times the first year by a lady I already knew who worked there.  She knew I could handle it.  The office always called another friend of mine who was hired at the same time.  (Which btw, I wrote her resume).  And when she couldn't do it, did I receive a call?  No, they called others on the sub list first that lived farther away.  The second year, I never got a call.

My friend got a call to see if she would like to be put on full-time. She was unable to take the job but put in a word for me.  No call ever came.  I ran into one of the main teachers in the grocery store and asked her why I was never given the chance for the job.  She just stuttered and said something about how she thinks it was given to an in-house teacher.

Once again, something that can't be proven, but the feeling is there of discrimination.

That got me thinking: how many times are we judgmental against someone by the way they look or act.  Do we think they can't do something because they are slow of speech or don't hear well?  How about in a wheelchair or walk with a limp?

I am so grateful to be able to use my love of gardening and the knowledge I have received at school to help those around me.  I am glad someone gave me a chance to prove I am not "ignorant" or "less-than" anyone else.  We should never make anyone feel that way. I hope as we venture out in our everyday lives we are not trying to be better than anyone else, because we aren't.

Knowledge is Power

When I was first diagnosed with MS, I was clueless.  I went into the doctor's office hoping for answers to my many questions.  Instead, he was silent, did a bunch of tests that I had been through before, and then asked me if I had anyone in my family with MS.  I told him my aunt had it.  "Great!  Then, you know all about it  I'll see you again in 6 months."  He turned and walked out of the room.   Wow, what an experience for me.  Was he ever wrong about me knowing ALL about it!

After sixteen years of dealing with countless doctors, I have learned to speak up. And I've also learned that knowledge is power.  Those who know you want you to share your ideas, share your knowledge.  But sometimes your 'brains' can be a bad thing if you let them swell your EGO.  

My mother works at a university and many of those with learning take it to extremes. They think they are better than those around them.  Sometimes to the point of walking on others who actually help make the world go round.  It is never good to take the power knowledge has to offer and use it to squash others with it.

But, I want to talk about the good the power of knowledge can do--of how it can help you get out of a rut.  Maybe you're feeling sorry for yourself?  Maybe you are afraid of something?  Maybe you think you don't know anything?  Well, I am telling knowledge can fix all of that.

When I left that 'lovely' doctor's office years ago, I was in a daze. I remember wandering down the glass-lined hall of this huge hospital looking out on the clear June day thinking life was over for me.  I didn't know a thing about MS other than my aunt HAD it.  That was it--nothing more.  But with each passing month and each passing doctors' visits, I learned more.  I became obsessed with wanting to know how I could stay healthy longer and not become 'stuck' in a wheelchair OR bed-ridden OR any of the other things I was told was going to happen to me by 'well-meaning' people.  I became knowledgeable.   And with this knowledge came power to help myself.  

I've seen others who were freshly diagnosised and they became what I was at the beginning--dazed and confused.   I knew in the beginning I didn't want to be approached AT ALL;  I just wanted to curl up in my shell.  And so, while other well-meaning people rushed in to these dazed-newbies, both my husband and I contacted their care-givers.  I told them I had MS and knew what the family was going through--first hand.  We told them when the newbie was ready to talk (and it could be months), I would be there.  We gave them websites and phone numbers of who to call in case they had a quack-of-a-doctor like mine.  The caregiver was very appreciative. 


Then, we sat back and waited. I sent a card or email just letting the person know I knew how terrible it was, but I never pushed.  The caregiver would come to me and ask questions and want to know more.  I would answer.  And the day would come that the newbie would call me and we would talk--sometimes for hours--while she/he would gain the knowledge needed to carry on.

Knowledge is a great thing if used for the benefit for others.  Just recently I have been working with the county extension as a horticulture assistant.  I love working with all things garden related.  I have been doing this for almost 10 years now, giving garden talks, diagnosing lawn and plant problems, helping others with issues while they are venturing in the great green unknown of soil-hood.  But, I still don't know everything. There are several of us that work there and we are always asking each other things, studying, learning.

Yesterday, while I was working, I had many people calling in with problems and questions.  Some were easy and some were hard.  Some I had to do research on. Others, I had to send on to people who had greater knowledge than I. Some people were thankful.  Others told me they didn't think I was right and want to know if there was some one else they could talk to.  One lady called in and after talking with her, I found out she had talked to everyone in this office, the office in the next county, and the university office. She knew everyone by name and their titles.  She was just trying to get someone to give her the answer she wanted.  And we all gave her the same answer.   

That is the thing with knowledge.  You will always have those who don't think you know what you are talking about.  You will have those that don't care.  You will have ones that don't listen  and need to learn on their own (like your children).   But, the knowledge you obtain is for YOU!  It is to help you grow.  If others want you to share your knowledge, then share it, offer it.  But don't be offended if they turn it down or tell you they think you are wrong.  It is their decision. But remember in all of your knowledge learning, don't let you ego take over.  Everyone is needed to make the world go round.

This Too, Shall Pass

'This too, shall pass.'  My dad was always fond of telling me this as I got to be a teen and entered my college years.  As a teenager, I am sure I rolled my eyes and thought my life was over.  In college, I remember I hoped 'it' would pass quickly.

As a young mother, I was anxious to have my kids grow up so I could move on to the next stage.  I kept telling myself--This too, shall pass.  Then, my husband was busy with his schooling and jobs, and we never saw each other.  My dad's words rang through my head on the long nights I was up with kids 'helping' them with their school projects that were due the next day.

I once had a boss who insisted there were no problems just situations.  To me, as an English major, it was just a different meaning of the same word.  But he said if you looked at it in a different light, you could always find a way out of it.

That is just like life--if you look at your situation differently you may find a different way out of it.  Not necessarily the way you thought you'd get out of it, but you still will get out of it.

Let me explain:  When I lost my ability to walk like a 'normal' person, I was devastated.  I was losing one more thing to this STUPID disease!!  I had already lost my talent to play my violin the way I wanted to; I had lost the feeling in my finger tips; and blah, blah, blah.  I was on the Pity Train to Party Ville.

But, my natural instinct of  'You-Can't-Tell-Me-What-To-Do' kicked in, and I decided to beat the Fates.  I got my AFO (see previous posts), went to the chiropractor, did my exercises, took vitamins, extra omega-3's, and other things I'd read up on that could help my cause.  Today, on great days, I am cane-free and walking to my doctor's office on the third floor of his office building.  I go hiking and camping.  I garden with the help of my walker (this is so I can make it back to the house after I've over-done it in the garden.  haha).

I just had to look at walking differently.  It didn't happen over night, that is for sure.  I still try to hop the Pity Train when I see a cute pair of pumps or a person run up a flight of stairs.  But, I am walking!  I may need assistance now and then, but I am still walking.  It wasn't a problem, it was a situation that I solved, and 'It too, passed.'

I'm one who believes in being positive.   If we think positive, positive things will happen. Positive people will want to be around us.  We can look at our situations and change them for the better.  Remember to look beyond today and that 'it shall pass.'

A Hard Pill to Swallow

Every day I have a plethora of pills to swallow (Do you like that word?  I got a good laugh out of its use in the movie ¡Three Amigos!).  There are days I sit, look at the pile, and think to myself, 'I can't swallow these anymore.  I will choke to death on them.'

I have to say the amount of pills I take now are much less than they used to be.  I eat better; I use a mixture of Eastern and Western medicine in my health care, such as chiropractics, acupuncture, micro-current, essential oils,  regular check-ups with both my PCP and my neurologist; I do yoga; and have hobbies to keep me active--gardening, photo restoration, genealogy, scrapbooking, and of course, blogging.

But physical pills aren't the only things in life we are sometimes asked to swallow.  Some of those 'pills' are because of our own making, such as poor choices.  Some are because of what life has thrust upon us, either because of someone else or just because of circumstance.

Let me share two examples from my life.  One is from back in my younger days.  I was taking a year off from college and loving the single life.  I had a good job, a good boyfriend, cheap rent (living with my parents-haha), a car, and lots of friends.  I had no intention of going back to school--ever.

Well, things started to go down hill.  My friends started to trickle off to school or to get married.  My parents were encouraging me to go back to school.  I'd really disliked my first year so why would I want to go back.  I was really hoping my boyfriend would pop the question.  His mom was too.

Then, the catalyst hit that forced me to swallow the dreaded pill.  On a very romantic date, when I thought the question was going to be coming, I was informed I was 'too intelligent' for him and things would never work out.  We'd had a nice time and I really should go back to college.  Was that ever a slap in the face with reality?

Now I'm not one who sits around and mopes for long.  In fact, I didn't mope at all on this one.  I was so angry by the words 'too intelligent,' I was in hyper-drive all  the way back to college.  I got a job, an apartment, was enrolled in all my classes within three weeks and never looked back.  I got my AAAS  that Spring.

The hardest pill I've had to swallow was given to me on the day before my 6th Wedding Anniversary, May 16th, 1996.  That's when I was given the diagnosis of MS.  Even though the news was devastating and I thought my life was over, I have come to realize I've also received countless blessings throughout these many years.

Both of the pills I mentioned were hard.  I struggled with each one.  I still struggle with MS everyday.  But, each pill brought and still brings blessings.  If I had married that boyfriend, I would have never married Rick or had my two beautiful children.  I'd never have finished up college.  And who knows where or what I'd be now.  And if I'd never had MS (I maybe would have skipped this pill), who knows what personal growth I would have missed.   What growth would my family and I have missed?

So as you look at your plethora of pills--literal or symbolical--think of how they are helping heal you, blessing you, and helping those around you.  And maybe the next time you have to swallow, it won't be so hard to go down.

You Are What You Eat

As a kid, I was fascinated by Cookie Monster.  I thought he was quite disgusting in the way he ate cookies and making a huge mess.  But, I did like the way he talked and loved those cookies.  I just loved cookies.  In fact, I still do.  They are a big down fall of mine, which is why I don't make them very often. My husband and son wish I would make them more.  And when I do, the cookies vanish in a flash, which is fine by me.

I made the decision to stop making goodies several years ago, when I noticed I was the one who ate most of them.  I would, of course, have to sample the dough or batter to make sure it was going to turn out okay.  Then, when the product was done baking, I would have to sample it again to make sure it was fine to add the frosting or to continue to the next level of preparation.  And so, the process would continue.  And before I knew it, I had sampled 5 cookies or 3 cupcakes.  And if the decadent dessert happen to last a few days, I was slicing off slivers of cake or nibbling bits of cookies all week, much to the detriment of my waistline.

About three or four years ago, I made the decision to start eating healthier.  Not great rid of just my beloved cookies, but all things not good for me.  I didn't quit cold-turkey since we all know that's not a wise thing.  The brain seems to play tricks on us.  We tell ourselves we are going to start a diet tomorrow.  And when tomorrow comes, we're just famished.  So we stuff our faces and begin our diet the next day or maybe the next day after that.  And yet, there are days we've actually been so busy we've gone all day without eating anything until dinner and never noticed once we're hungry.  Go figure?

Anyway, I've decided the best diet is moderation in all things--whether it be dessert, soda, fruits, veggies, meat, grains, what have you.  I didn't limit myself to anything.  That way my brain wasn't going to play tricks on me.  If I wanted that giant slab of key-lime cheesecake, I was going to have it--only I was going to use moderation.  Which meant, I wasn't going to have that GIANT slab, I was going to have a small sliver and put the rest away for some future date. So I'd freeze the rest to avoid temptation.

And I have to say, this has worked for me.  I have lost about 25 pounds and kept them off. There has been no yo-yo'ing.  I've got to eat the little things I crave and the benefit is those cravings have pretty much gone away.  I eat more veggies and fresh fruit now.  If I were to be given a choice between a big mixed salad with meat and beans in it or a wedge of pizza with gooey cheese and pepperoni, I must say I'd take the salad.

But I've started to take the saying "You Are What You Eat" literally.  Things you eat affect your mood, your health, your weight, your mind, everything about you.

Just today, a friend posted this video on Facebook and I found it very helpful to me, personally.

I've been doing most of this already and so adding the rest will not be a big step for me. Had I not been doing stuff already, I'd have a hard time.

So my challenge to you (should you choose to accept it), is what are you eating (or drinking) in your life, that is having an affect on you?  What is it turning you into?  Are you a Cookie Monster--like I am?

Whirlwind

There are times in your live when you may feel you have been sucked up in a whirlwind and are being thrown around from side-to-side with no way out.  You can't seem to control your days and there seems to be no end to the chaos. Every night you crawl into bed, exhausted, dreading the dawn.  Your stress level is climbing and know, that if it doesn't stop soon, you are going to blow.

I've often thought of the character Tipo from the Disney movie "The Emperor's New Groove."  She wakes up from a nightmare and says, 'I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log and careening out of control down a raging river of death.'


I often feel I am careening out of control on a raging river of life--or in a whirlwind that sucks me up and spits me out tattered and torn somewhere down the river of life where I really didn't want to be.  As I've gotten older, and hopefully wiser, I've noticed some of the chaos in this whirlwind is my own doing.  And even though I don't mean to do it, it happens.  Let me explain.


I am caught up in a whirlwind at this moment and it's starting to pick up momentum.  I've noticed it gaining speed for sometime now and have been trying to stop it before it flings me far and does some serious damage.  In my case, an MS relapse that could set me back several weeks or months.  


It started back in November when I took a spill and gave myself a concussion.  Instead of taking it easy and recovery fully (heck, it was the holidays.  Who had time to recover?), I jumped back into life after about ten days and started with my agenda.


I went Christmas shopping.  I kept up with my photo restoration, which is fine since I was sitting down for this and wasn't over-exerting myself.  I started to stay up later to be with my husband and son.  Then, my daughter came home from college so I started to do more with her and stay up even later.  I love to play 'Words with Friends' since it helps keep the cognitive part of my brain going.  I had more friends adding me to their list so I was playing more. December turns into January, and the stress is building.


February came. I broke a tooth, and we have no dental insurance.  Rick's new job with the new insurance really pays for nothing. So the chaos is mounting.  I found out when I took my spill in November, I tore some ligaments in my knee.  Add more doctors appointments to the day. The ride down the river is starting to move rapidly.  This ride is filled with photo restoration, housework, blogging, genealogy, staying up late (I never did get to bed early after the holiday season), and 'Words with Friends.'  We take a trip to see my daughter at college and celebrate her 20th birthday.  I'm really feeling the whirlwind building speed now.

March comes in with spring-like weather.  I'm now getting involved with my garden stuff.  I'm offered to do Water Conservation at the county extension.  I've been wanting to do this for years!  Along with this, I do my normal helping with garden volunteering, pruning, & classes; added to all the above stuff from February.  


In the days before I had MS, the whirlwind would have been a small dirt devil at this point and I could have squashed it with taking a nap or two.  But with MS, I can't do this.  I know that something must give.  BUT, do I do give something up?  Noooooo.....


I have added Pinterest to this.  I like to see what others are interested in and want to add my interests.   Both my children's graduations are coming up in May--one from high school, one from college.  I'm also trying to get my yard cleaned up for spring (with help of course) and work on a plan for what to plant and grow for this year.  I have to keep in mind that whatever grows, I have to reap and can in the fall. I need to beware there, too.  I always get carried away with that and create a great massive whirlwind with harvest season.


So, how did I bring this on myself?  How did I go 'careening over this raging river of death?'  


Simple!  I did not say NO.   I did not chose the important stuff.  The most crucial part in this picture is ME.


Yes, it is time to be selfish here.  My health is the most critical thing here.  I need to eliminate several things to stop this whirlwind before it gets any worse. I know what I need to do in my life and plan on doing it.  In fact, I have already started the process.


Now, for you.  What are the things in your life that are causing dirt devils to becomes whirlwinds?  Are you on a raging river right now that is careening out of control?  What is being affected in your life?  


I challenge you to make a list of all the things you have done in the last three months (like I did) and see what things are really necessary for your well-being.  What things are getting in the way of the end-goal?  And take steps to eliminate them before you are being swept away and being slammed into chaos.  

MS Awareness Week March 11-18

Many of you are aware I suffer from Multiple Sclerosis. It's something I share openly with all those that want to know.  I'm not afraid to tell my story: what symptoms I started with; how long it took them to diagnose me; what I've done to deal with it; and what things I'm doing now to help with it.

I wasn't always this way.  As mentioned in earlier postings, I struggled coming to terms with this. Anyone who has lost something or someone does.  You go through stages of shock and denial that there is no way this can be you.  It must be someone else's results.  Then, comes the guilt of wondering if you did something to deserve this; or maybe pain (at times almost physical) breaking your heart and wondering how your life is going to be from now on.

Anger and negotiating come next.  I remembering making deals with God about my kids.  Then, my deals would turn into angry rants at Him for making me have to suffer this terrible disease that doctors didn't know anything about or have any cure for.  "How am I suppose to raise a family being STUCK in a wheelchair?!  You might as well take me now!"  Then, remorse and shame would take me over, and I would plead for forgiveness, only to have the anger start all over again the next day.

Depression soon follows.  Thanks to a caring husband and good doctors, I spent three and half years in therapy for this.  I was able to cope with the feelings that come from losing much that comes with a chronic illness.  And if you can cope, comes reflection.  It's during this time I came to realize and accept my disease.  I learned to know I had support from friends and family.  I read and studied everything there was to know about MS.   I started to gain knowledge.


With knowledge comes power and your life turns for the better.  You feel better, and you can do more.  You can accept and have hope that all is not as bad as you thought things were going to be when you first got your diagnosis umpteen days ago.

For me, it was about five years before I was able to speak openly to people about this disease.  But now, I want to share and let people know.  And I am letting you know.

• Did you know that 2.1 million people worldwide have MS?
• Women are 2-3 times more likely to have it than men.
• Children can also have MS.  There are 10,000 documented cases
• MS is not contagious
• The majority of people with MS do not become severely disabled

If you want to find out more, or find a local chapter in your area, check out this website for more information. http://nationalmssociety.org/index.aspx

Last year, my daughter and her college friends joined the MS Walk in her college town and helped raise money for research.  Rick and I went and joined in. Jess learned a lot she didn't know about MS and thinks she will do it again this year.  Thanks to my daughter for setting an example to her friends!

Everyone, everywhere, can do something to help spread the word about this devastating disease--even if it is just passing the word on to help donate to an MS Walk in your area come Spring or Fall.