Friendly Advice?

I am sure we have all received advice from those that mean well--an older person with years of experience trying to share a bit with you; or a young, single know-it-all giving you fresh-out-of-college textbook knowledge on how to raise your passel of kids.  Do you glare at them and tell them where to shove it (I have wanted to at times)?  Or smile sweetly, nod and think to yourself about the impertinent co-ed "Just you, wait, honey, your day is coming!"?

With the decision to make my MS more known to others, I have been the 'brunt' of many unsolicited pieces of 'friendly advice.'  Everyone knows of somone's great-aunt's niece who has MS.  At first, I was really annoyed (I am toning this word down, haha) with this bit of comparison.  I really didn't care.  But over the years, I have mellowed out.

I am, now, willing to listen to people offer their advice. Some of it maybe beneficial.  If it sounds good, and I don't get in warning sounds in my head, I will research on my own.  I have found a lot helpful things in this life for my health and my well-being (mentally, spiritually, and physically) through research.   If red flags go up, I thank them for their 'friendly advice' and go my way.  If they are trying to sell me something or get me to join something, I am honest with them.  I tell them I am researching it and will get back with them.  And I do--good or bad.  If they can't take it, too bad for them.  I tell them, I am on many medications that will not mix with many of their 'remedies.'  That shuts many of them up.

There is only one time this didn't work.  This person was relentless.  She wouldn't listen to anything I had to say--even NO.  For over six months, she insisted on finding and giving me advice for helping me with MS and it culminated in me finally blocking her number.

Now this is a case of BAD advice, but there is GOOD advice, too.  And we have the great job to try and not get so upset with all the friendly advice out there we forget to notice when the good stuff is given.

Have we had several times in our lives when small moments stand out when a friend said something to us that at the time we took as criticism but was meant to help us become a better person?

There is one when I was about nineteen.  A family friend pulled me aside and told me I needed to accept compliments with a 'thank you' instead of with a 'Yah, sure' and maybe, people would be more likely to compliment me. The reply that jumped to my lips was----You guessed it 'Yah, sure.'

But since that day, I have been very self-conscience about it, and I now accept compliments graciously.

Another example of friendly advice for me helped me swallow my pride.  Yes, one of the 7 Deadly Sins.


In 2008, I developed foot drop.  It is where you are unable to lift the front of your foot so you are constantly dragging your toes and tripping over them.  I was told I would have to wear an AFO.
I really didn't want to do this.  As I said in an early writing (see Loss of Hiking), I was fighting this one tooth and nail.  So, I continued to wear my big clunky sandals and to trip over my toes, scrapping them quite often. (Must say, my pride took a beating during the few months before I got my AFO).

During the summer months, I work at the Country Extension office in the Gardening Department.  I help with the phones and diagnosing plant and insect problems.  It was while I was there I got my advice.  A good friend there asked what was wrong so I told her all about my problem and fears.  She  told me she had had the same problem about three years ago, but her foot drop was due to surgery.  She wore her AFO for 9 months.  It was her 'lifesaver' and couldn't live without it.   And although hers was due to a bit of nerve damage and it went away, she would wear it all over again if she had too.  Then, she looked me straight in the eye and told me I would be doing myself a favor by getting one.  'No one will know you have it. And you will be able to walk.'

I went in the next day and was fitted for my AFO.

Life is full of those who give us advice.  It is how we take it and how we use it that matters.  And while there are times some of that 'friendly advice' isn't so 'friendly,' there are REAL friends out there who are with us to help sift through the pieces and find what's worth keeping.

Memories

Read a story that was forwarded in a email that touched me deeply.  I almost deleted it like I do with a lot of them.  Many of them carry viruses I don't want on my computer and others, I save having good intentions to read, but they pile up adding clutter to my life I really don't need. I am not sure who wrote this story, but it hit home at a time when I was in great need.

This month has been one of great stress.  Life is like that sometimes.  Ups and downs like a roller coaster.  But we are in it for the ride.  But while we are in it, we must remember the many memories.  Here are some of mine. What are yours? 

Every Thanksgiving we would go with my sister's kids up to the hills in Montana for a picnic and get  our famous Montana Christmas tree.  This is 1997. My son is wearing his dalmatian costume from Halloween.  He refused to be parted from it.  I believe it rotted off his body.  hahaha

This is at Lake Alva, Montana.  Most summers we would go camping with my parents and the cousins.
Roasting (smoking) marshmallows with Grandpa.
Those were the days.  1998.

The summer of 1999,  my parents took us rafting down the Missouri River  up   from
what is now known as Tower Rock State Park, Montana.  We had super, hot sun and torrential
rains.  But my kids were troupers.  At one point, we stopped  for snacks at an island
that was covered is goose poo.  My daughter dubbed it "Goose Poop" Island.

In Oct 2001,  we all headed to Disneyland.  We met my husband's sister there (by accident).
  She was a great friend of my sister so all the cousins had a blast.  Since it was after 9-11 crowds were
at a minimum and we had the rule of the park.  As you can see, it was my heavier days, but I couldn't
resist standing in with my favorite of all Disney animals.

In January 2006, Rick's work sent him to Guadalajara, Mexico and we had the opportunity
to take both kids.  Since they had been taking Spanish Immersion in
school, we thought what a great chance for them to go.  We spent a week there
with them learning the cultural, practicing the language, and literally,
being immersed in the country.

Early of 2007, Rick';s work sent him to back to Guadalajara, Mexico.   I got to go with  him
this time and we snuck away to Manzanillo on the coast  for a day.  What fun!

We love to camp and hike and my son is a pyromaniac.  At Thanksgiving of 2007, we went
to Zions National Park camping.  My husband happened to catch this photo
of Taylor catching his hair on fire.  Way to go, Son!  Love it.

I think our greatest (and cheapest) vacation was in October 2007.
Thanks to all the perks of Rick's work and his many international travels,
the family went to Oahu, Hawaii, for a week.  The kids still rave about it
and hope to go back.  One wants to live there (good luck).  There was no fighting and
for me, I had a moment of complete and utter joy.  Those moments that happen rarely.

Our kids chose going to Glacier Nation Park in 2008 rather than
Disneyland.  I was kind of bummed since I love Disneyland, but
we went whitewater rafting, hiking, and saw the many sites.
It has created a great memory for me.

I found the email that brought on good memories and made me forget life's challenges if but for a moment.  Maybe it will hep you, too.

http://moralsandethics.wordpress.com/2008/09/01/need-washing-2/

Seasons

I've been spending a lot of time researching my ancestors and loving it.  It gets quite time consuming, and I made a comment about it to a friend of mine last week.  She said she loved it too, but her 'season' now is for the girls at church, not for genealogy.

I got to thinking about that--seasons.  We have many seasons in our life.

• Our childhood: we are pretty much carefree racing around on bikes or scooters.  Looking forward to the lazy days of summer.  The biggest challenge is getting not to get cooties from HIM or HER or to be picked last for any gym class games. 
• The dreaded days of junior high and high school: We are hitting puberty, have the lovely zits, and wish we could drop off the planet.  There are the creatures of the opposite who don't have cooties after all.  And our biggest disasters are not going to prom, not passing the driver's test, and TO BE called on it class.

The seasons change as we get older--college, marriage, children, those children turn into teenagers, grandchildren, you get my drift.  And with each season, we are able to do more or less of the things we like to do. We are also adding to the list by learning and growing.

My list of "TO-DO's" has been growing steady since I was twelve or thirteen.  By now, if I were to write it down, it would be several sheets long.  There is no way I can do all of the things I love to do. I have come to terms with that.  I think it was the lack of money that first made me come to grips with this startling revelation. Then, it was the different 'seasons' in my life that got in the way--college and my studies; marriage and working; motherhood and working; just motherhood; and the list goes on.

Now, add an chronic illness into that.  It is really making me fight against, what I call, 'the unfairness of it all.'   I've lived through my seasons so now I am ready to PARTY!!!!  Wrong.  This, too, is another season in my life.

This past Saturday, my husband and I were out in our yard having a pruning demonstration for a few people in our church.  These people were so excited at 'our' knowledge of everything.  My husband nicely smiled, "Oh no.  It is all, Brenda.  She taught me.  I just do all the grunt work."  Then the people turned to me and started asking a ton more questions about anything gardening they could think of.

As I sadly looked at all that needed to be done in my yard, I realized I didn't have the strength or energy to keep up with it, but I did have the knowledge I could share with others.  My season for working outside is almost done, but my season for sharing what I know is still in full bloom.  And that is what I do.  I have an appointment to go to some friends' homes and help in planning their vegetable and flower gardens--what to plant, when to plant, where to plant.  I have done this with others for several years now.  I also work at the county extension office helping to diagnosis diseased plants and help others with their gardening problems.

My season for genealogy is starting to bloom.  If you had asked me when my kids were young, I would have laughed and said, 'Who has time?"  I love to sew for Humanitarian Aid.  When both my kids were in school, my season was to be the Room Mother.  Now I get to help out with children around the world.

So just because you aren't doing something you love to do now (whether it is because of a job, illness, church work, or taking care of someone else) know it is because it is your 'season' to do THIS now.  Find something you can do while you are in this season.  And look forward to what you are going to be able to do in the next season of your life.  You never know, you may regret the things you left in past seasons, but you also may be learning things to help you in future seasons.

Communication

Last week, my husband and I attend a seminar on communication.  At first, I thought, "Why do I need to go to this?  I know how to talk to people.  Besides, this is mainly for business people and I am just a mom."  But as the class went on, I found out this was a great thing for me!

While the bulk of the seminar was for business people, the presenters, workbook, manual, and other materials were suitable for everyone.  I started thinking about how I communicate with those around me--spouse, children, associates, doctors, friends, and family.  I saw how it was relevant to me in everyday life.

One of the stories told was about how a woman went in for surgery.  Everything went fine and she came through with flying colors--except...her surgery was for a tonsillectomy and she ended up having her right foot amputated.  Why did this happen?  It was because all the red warning signs that happened before the surgery to the medical staff were not brought up. They were afraid to communicate their concerns with the well-known surgeon who was working on her.  They felt he knew what he was doing and were afraid to question authority, step on toes, hurt someone's feelings, whatever. 

I had a similar situation years ago when I was receiving some Solu-Medrol at a hospital for a flair-up of my MS.  It is given through IV and the medicine is clear.  The nurses have you give your full name and date of birth to verify that this medicine is yours before they hook you up.  This was done for me. But as I was looking at the medicine in the bag, it was not clear.  It was a thick, red substance. Even though it had my full name on the bag, I kept getting the feeling this was not my medicine.  I knew the nurse well so I thought she would know I was to be receiving Solu-Medrol.  She kept chatting away to me and getting read to 'plug' me in.  I finally couldn't ignore the feeling that this wasn't what I was to be getting, so I asked her, "Did they change the color of Solu-Medrol?"  and laughed.  The nurse finally looked at the bag.  "Are you getting Solu-Medrol?  This is iron."  She rushed out of the room and re-read my orders.  I was to get Solu-Medrol and she had accidentally ordered iron since three other patients that hour were getting iron.  If I had not spoken up, I too, would have been getting iron.  That would have been a bad thing.

I now take a list when I go to doctors' offices with questions I have.  I am not afraid to speak up when I go places where my health is concerned.  I want to make sure I have the right care.  Here is a good website to check out to help with what you may need to know:  http://www.ahrq.gov/questions/beforeappt.htm

Keep following the links for 'during' and 'after' your appointment.  You can also print off a sheet for your questions so you can bring them with you.  Knowledge is power   and can help you so you don't forget anything when you leave there.  I always hate it when I remember something as I am driving out of the parking lot.  :)

Remember, communication is the key! Are there times when we don't speak up?  Or we speak up at bad times and offend others because of how we do it?  Do we lack tact?  Are we one of those people who are born leaders and have a natural knack for communication?  I highly recommend you read the book from this seminar if you fall into one of these categories. http://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/0071771328/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328304737&sr=8-1

It just may save your life!