Just Say No

"No."  That little word in the English language is really hard to say.  It is only two letters, yet it is hard to spit out.  So many things are thrown at us--choices, decisions, obligations--but we don't want anyone to feel we are unable to preform, so we say "Yes!."  Then, comes the dread, irritation, panic, anger, or sometimes fear at what we have done, all because we can't do what we said in the amount of time we have to do it in.  Do we blame others for it?  Blame ourselves?

I used to ask my kids all the time--"What part of NO don't you understand?  The  'N' or the  'O' ?"

I think we need to ask ourselves this very same question.  If we did this, maybe we wouldn't get ourselves into situations that sap our strength--both mental and physical. 

It has taken me years to learn to TRY and not volunteer for everything.  I love to help and people know this.  They will always come and ask for help on things.  I'm famous for biting off more than I can chew and my dear husband or son is always having to bail me out.

In my younger days, after being first diagnosed with MS, I had quite a bit of energy.  I would be the first mother to volunteer for my kids' school functions, class field trips, be the room mother, and rush to the school if the teacher needed help.  I remember one field trip to the zoo in the hot sun where it was all I could do to drag myself to the bus when the day was over.  I slept with all the kids on the way back home.  It was hard not to sign the forms that went around. By the time my kids were in high school, my support was attending their functions.

Just this past month, I had a chance to use that little word and I'm so glad I did. I'm the Vice President  for the Master Gardener Association in our county.  I'm also on the board of our church young women's group.  Plus at this time, I am getting ready for my daughter's wedding.  Ok, now think holidays.

I am working with the MG Board on their Winter Social.  I let them know I'm busy with my daughter's wedding and can't do much so put me on a little job.  No problem. That's done.  The church YW board needs one person to help with the big church party.  Everyone looks at me.  I tell them flat out NO!  I have a wedding at the end of Dec, a community Christmas party (MG thing), and holidays with company.  NO way.  [Whew, I said it].  So they find someone else.

I have felt guilty about saying no for weeks.  I have been thinking maybe I could have squeezed it in.  Maybe I could have taken a nap or two during the day and not have been as tired.  I am sure you know all abut the blame game.

Well, here is where I'm glad I said no to the church.  Ten days ago, we had a death of one of the head honchos involved with the MG Board.  The Pres. of the MG Board had scheduled her vacation during the date of the Winter Social and wouldn't be there. Another head person running the Social found out her niece moved up her wedding two weeks, so she will be gone.  AND, to add fuel to this blazing inferno, another head person's husband's surgery just got moved up.  You guessed it--to the day of the Social. So, I'm suddenly NOT doing a little job but helping to run this whole thing.

What if I hadn't said no?  I am sure I would have survived.  We all do when we get ourselves into situations of our own making.  Things probably would have slipped. I'm sure my health would have suffered.  I, also, know I would have turned into what my family calls 'the Wicked Witch of the West.'  My husband AND son would have been called on to help with items requiring them to put aside their own lives and schedules. All around, me saying 'no' was a life-saver. family-saver, and a sanity-saver,

You might say I do understand the 'N" and the 'O'--it is a much needed life-preserver.

Change

I woke up the other morning to the world blanketed in white.  I knew it was coming but was disappointed none-the-less.  I love Fall with the colorful leaves, the crisp mornings, and the warm, sunny days.  This year, we actually had a nice, long Fall.  Days were unusually warm, so I enjoyed every minute of it.  But, of course, as I was enjoying my favorite season and relishing in the fantastic weather, I knew Old Man Winter was right around the corner bringing the change of cold weather, icy roads, and the white stuff that layers the ground I walk on.

Change is hard for all of us at times.   My last post had a possible change looming before me.  I had quite the ride studying information but wanted to be informed when I went for the visit with my neurologist.  I wanted to be ready for the change.  I was actually relieved to find I didn't have to change and my life could go on as before.

But this last scare got me thinking about other changes in life.  During the past couple months, I've had changes to my eye site, changes to my family (my daughter is getting married), changes to my income, and changes to our vehicles.  While these are minor, it still got me thinking.

What do changes do to us?  Do we get upset and stressed out?  Or do we go along with the flow?  I'm guilty of getting stressed out.  I like things to go according to plan.  I absolutely hate a wrench being thrown in to my neatly organized life.

A few years ago, I was involved with the girls in my church group.  We would plan activities, and I'd keep a calendar with all the ideas the girls came up with.  Now, we all know teens don't keep things according to schedule.  They show up late, over plan, and have their own agenda.  I know that and should have gone with the flow.  But I was highly stressed out when things didn't go as we'd planned.  I had an assistant who was the best thing for me and turned out to become a very good friend.  She taught me to just go with things, accept changes to the schedule, and don't let things like this stress me out.  She  had a calming influence on me throughout this whole experience.

Change happens to all of us.  It's inevitable.  It's how we handle it that makes us who we are.  Years ago, at my first full-time job, I went into my boss' office and I announced, "We have a huge problem." He looked at me and clarified, "No, we have a situation."  I was young, fresh out of college and an English major, and flippantly replied, "There really isn't a difference in those two if you were to look them up in the thesaurus."  "True, but when people hear 'problem,' they think bad things and don't want to change it.  When they hear 'situation,' they think of a dilemma or quandary and immediately start thinking of solutions to change it.  So we never say 'problem'."   He proceeded to ask me about my 'situation' and then, he gave me another wise bit of advice "Will it matter in 100 years?"

After I left his office, I thought about those two bits of advice--"Situations instead of problems" and "Will it matter in 100 years?"  I must say I've used those when changes have come -- moving to a new state and leaving everything behind; going on a new MS medication; who to vote for in a presidential election; what house to buy; whether to forgive a person who has offended me; whether to eat that extra piece of key lime pie :) ; and the list goes on.

Change is hard no matter what our circumstance or what the situation is.  Life is full of it.  I think it is how we handle that change which defines our character.  I have made strides on not stressing out over every little change that comes into my organized life.  I have found I kind of like life a little randomized.  I thank my old boss for his advice and my friend for 'go-with-the-flow' attitude and teaching me change is what happens.  I need to learn to love each season as it comes.  And maybe so do you.

Peace

It has been a while since I have sat here spilling my inner-self.  The roller coaster called Life is flying by with me hanging on gasping at each peak and laughing at each plummeting gorge.  But the laughing has stopped suddenly this past week and changed to reflection and observation.

For those who don't believe in Deity or a higher power, this post may be hard for you to grasp.  But I want you to understand that I believe in Him.  I find it hard that you don't. Just like you probably find it hard to believe I do. It is the way we both think, I guess, and I hope you don't take offense. 

Just walk outside and look around. The planet is full of God's creations.  The full moon that rose last night, shining on the Earth, is highlighting every living thing.  The smallest insect with its tiny lace-like wings; the maple leaf with its five distinct fingers, the five large veins running up them and branching off into smaller veins (in the fall, maple leaves usually have the brightest, most beautiful, colors for running, jumping in, and, of course, crunching); the mountains, with their snow-capped peaks; the deserts, with the Joshua tree forests; the oceans that go on and on; these are all of God's master pieces--as well as you and me.

I've often wondered how people deal with heartache, grief, pain, fear, the unknown, and even the future without the peace and understanding Deity brings--no matter what the belief is.

Those of us with chronic illnesses know there is really no set cure for what ails us. Good nutrition, exercise, a healthy lifestyle, and a good relationship with your doctors are the best thing we can do to help fight our battle.  If we have a few years of a great medicine, take it for what it is--a blessing.  But know that things can and probably will change.

That was the hardest thing for me to deal with when I was first diagnosed. I always thought there was a pill for every ailment.  Was I ever wrong!  During these past 16 1/2 years I have been on 4 different specific MS medications.  Now it looks like I'm moving to a fifth.  I'm thankful there is a fifth.  When I was diagnosed, there was only three.

Now, I'm studying my options.  But studying isn't going to tell me everything.  I don't like to go eeni meeni miini moh and choose one.  I study; I listen to my doctor; I study some more; and then I pray.  I need to feel at peace with my decision.  That is how I decided to go on to Tysabri.  The drug had a black box warning--meaning people had died using it.  Was I scared to go on it?  When my doctor first approached me I told him no way!  But then I did the steps above and felt a calm come over me.  All fears where removed.  I KNEW I would be okay.  Just like now, I still KNOW I will be okay--whether I have to go off Tysabri or not.  I will be okay.

I can't tell you how the peace feels until you have experienced it for yourself, but I KNOW what it feels like. I wouldn't want to be without it.  I wouldn't want to look at all my medical options and say--Hmmmm, I think I will choose THAT one.  I'm glad for this ride called Life.  I'm glad in my car there is my husband of 22 years, and he supports me.  But I'm also glad I have my Lord with me, too.  He makes the ride more calming, so I'm not screaming as I'm riding with this illness called MS.