When I first started out, I had a ton of ideas I wanted to share. But as time went on, I had to think about it; dwell more on what may help myself and others. I may have lost followers, and that is okay. This is mainly for me and those that want to know what keeps me going after almost 18 years of this wonderful, yet dreadful disease.
As I woke up this morning, I had a long list of things I was planning to do. Here is a small portion of that list: thin the raspberry bed; pick the tomatoes; pick the rest of the peaches; finish drying the old peaches; can the tomatoes; make a fresh batch of salsa; freeze the peaches; make several batches of raspberry-pepper jelly; and then start dinner and relax in front of the TV with my husband while all these things simmered on the stove or oven.
Hahaha! That was the old days. As soon as I climbed out of bed and my leg seized up, I knew my list went out the window. So here is my list as of now at 11:37 am. I took a shower (without washing my hair since this would do me in for the rest of the day), grabbed a half Pop-Tart for breakfast (not my normal meal mind you), and headed out to the raspberry patch. I had to do SOMETHING on my list. I got 1/8th of it done and I was finished. Kaput! The end. My husband is now out there with my son working on the fall clean up for me.
So I am thinking of my yard and all the things I used to do. All the things I LOVED to do and took for granted.
But this is not to be a pity party. It's to make us think. What other things do we take for granted? Here's a list I came up with for me.
My family. My daughter came up for two weeks to help me with a huge project I was doing recently. I was really thankful she came. She left her husband and her busy life--no questions asked. She helped with my housework, my project, my sanity. Her husband even came up the day before the big event and help with the activity. My husband and and son are always there to help with the housework and yard work. They see when I have reached the end of my rope and step in. Both sets of parents are ones that are always there. They listen and talk to me when things get hard. We take fun trips together.
My health. I was never really sick until I was diagnosed with MS at 28. I was active, hiked, camped, hunted, and fished. I worked with youth groups and was a camp counselor. And until last year, I went to a girls' camp almost every year since I was 12. I loved it! I remember shooting my first deer and hauling it out all by myself, since the party I was with hadn't got theirs yet. The look on the men's faces as I dragged it down the hill was priceless. :) I went fishing in college with my roomies and our dates and I was the one showing them all how to gut the fish.
Now, I see a doctor almost weekly to make sure I am doing the best I can be doing. I am eating better than I've ever been (except the Pop-Tart, hehe). I take supplements and use essential oils, which have helped eliminate some of the medication I have to take. I still try to be active, just not as much as I used to be. I try to get small hikes in with my four-legged cane or walker but have to take lots of rests. Sad to say, my hunting days are over, although I still like to target practice. I like to fish and camp but not backpacking into the back-and-beyond to sleep on the ground. I have a nice trailer with a bathroom (a must for me).
Children. Growing up, I always dreamed I would have lots of children. I narrowed down the number to eight--5 boys and 3 girls. Don't ask me where I got that number. Just thought it would be nice and boys always seemed so fun to go wild with. Rick and I have been friends since high school so when we met up again at twenty-two and decided to get married, we agreed eight was a good number.
About a year after we were married, we watched three boys for this couple who were gone for the holiday weekend. The ages were 5, 3, and 2. At first, it was fun. By the time, the parents got back, Rick and I decided to reduce our desired child-count to four or five.
By the time I was diagnosed with MS, we had Jessica (3) and Taylor (1). We were told we could have more children if we wanted. The chances of our children having MS would be 2%. It was explained like this: I'd be going to Las Vegas and having a 98% chance of winning. But during the time on conception, pregnancy, and nursing, I couldn't be on any MS or any other medication. It was for us to decide.
At the time, it was a hard decision. With pray and fasting (in my religion those are dear to us), a decision was made. At no time during these past years have we ever regretted it. Now, where I stand, with my health, I could not be raising children. My daughter is 21; my son, 19. I see other families in the community of various religions with kids still in school. I get tired just looking at them. I admire and love them. I help them when I can. I buy the activity cards, support the fund raisers, and try to go to their games.
Are there times when I wish I had my eight children? Yes! But the Lord knew what He was doing when he sent me my one beautiful girl and my one handsome son. So LOVE YOUR CHILDREN--WHETHER YOU HAVE ONE OR HUNDRED. THEY ARE A BLESSING FROM HEAVEN.
There are many more things on my list I've taken for granted. Things I think about everyday. Things I was born with; things I learned; things I acquired or were given; and now because of MS or because of some other circumstances, I no longer have or can do. I try not to be bitter. It won't help my cause. Some things, I've worked around and still do, camping and gardening are examples. Some things I have had to give up, hunting or playing masterpieces on my violin. But there are always other things out there in this world to learn and to try. That is what I am going to do--one tiny step at a time!
